did not come all at once.

在2010年，我很榮幸被提名為 美國國務院的政策計劃主任

In 2010, I had the chance to be considered

這是我該挺身而進的時刻

for promotion from my job

讓我向前跨一大步

as director of policy planning

因為這是千載難逢的頂尖外交政策工作

at the U.S. State Department.

我才剛為國務卿柯林頓女士 順利完成一項18個月的大型專案

This was my moment to lean in,

我知道我可以勝任更重大的工作

to push myself forward

要是以前的我一定會說「好！」

for what are really only a handful

可是，我在過去兩年經常在 華盛頓州和紐澤西州兩地往返

of the very top foreign policy jobs,

由於我先生和兩個十歲的兒子住在那裏

and I had just finished a big, 18-month project

而這件事進展的不是很順利

for Secretary Clinton, successfully,

我想要擠出兩年的時間在華盛頓工作

and I knew I could handle a bigger job.

或是把我兒子和丈夫 從他們的學校及公司遷移至此

The woman I thought I was

請求他們和我一起努力

would have said yes.

在我心深處，其實我知道 回家才是正確的決定

But I had been commuting for two years

即便我發現我已經 無法認識那個做決定的我了

between Washington and Princeton, New Jersey,

這是個基於愛與責任的決定

where my husband and my two teenage sons lived,

我無法看著我大兒子一直做錯誤的決定

and it was not going well.

而我卻在他需要我的時候不在他的身邊

I tried on the idea of eking out another two years

然而真正的改變卻慢慢地顯現出來

in Washington, or maybe uprooting my sons

事隔了一年

from their school and my husband from his work

家人的生活步調慢慢走上軌道

and asking them to join me.

我才發現

But deep down, I knew

即便我可以回到政府工作

that the right decision was to go home,

而我卻不想

even if I didn't fully recognize the woman

我不想錯過過去五年 在家裡陪兒子的那段時間

who was making that choice.

我終於能讓自己去接受

That was a decision based on love

對我來說什麼才是最重要的事

and responsibility.

而不是決定自己想要的事

I couldn't keep watching my oldest son

或是習慣自己所做的決定

make bad choices

這樣的決定讓我重新評估

without being able to be there for him

那伴隨並支持我成長的女權故事

when and if he needed me.

我也一直把它奉為圭臬

But the real change came more gradually.

至今我仍完全信奉著性別平等的理想

Over the next year,

但讓我們先來思考平等究竟意味著什麼

while my family was righting itself,

以及如何盡可能實現它

I started to realize

我總是相信著一種想法

that even if I could go back into government,

那就是最受尊敬及有權力的人

I didn't want to.

在社會上都是位於高階職位的男性

I didn't want to miss the last five years

所以在衡量男女平等這事情上

that my sons were at home.

照理是探討多少女性人在高階職位上

I finally allowed myself to accept

像是首相、總裁、高階經理

what was really most important to me,

部長、經理人、諾貝爾獎得主、領導者

not what I was conditioned to want

我們仍然覺得應該努力去實現那個目標

or maybe what I conditioned myself to want,

但這只是平等的一半而已

and that decision led to a reassessment

我現在認為這永遠無法實現

of the feminist narrative that I grew up with

除非我們能了解剩下另一半

and have always championed.

我覺得真正的平等

I am still completely committed

完全的平等

to the cause of male-female equality,

不代表我們用男性的標準 去實現那個目標

but let's think about what that equality really means,

這代表要創造出更廣義的觀點

and how best to achieve it.

來看待並尊重男女之間的平等選擇

I always accepted the idea

要達成這樣的目標，我們必須改善工作規範

that the most respected and powerful people

制度以及文化

in our society are men at the top of their careers,

就工作場所而言

so that the measure of male-female equality

真正的平等代表重視家庭

ought to be how many women are in those positions:

等同於重視工作

prime ministers, presidents, CEOs,

並且懂得這兩者相輔相成

directors, managers, Nobel laureates, leaders.

身為領導人及經理人 我身體力行這句名言

I still think we should do everything we possibly can

如果家庭是第一順位，那工作就不是其次

to achieve that goal.

生活本身兩者兼顧

But that's only half of real equality,

如果你為我工作，而你有家庭問題

and I now think we're never going to get there

我希望你能照顧好家庭

unless we recognize the other half.

這一點我很有把握

I suggest that real equality,

事實上每次都能驗證

full equality,

工作不只會做得好，還會越做越好

does not just mean valuing women

勞工若有充分的理由 需要回家照顧孩子跟家人

on male terms.

能擁有更高的專注力及工作效率

It means creating a much wider range

也更重視工作的成果

of equally respected choices

如養家餬口的人同時身兼照顧者

for women and for men.

擁有更多的經驗和人脈

And to get there, we have to change our workplaces,

試想有位律師花時間參加孩子學校的活動

our policies and our culture.

同時也可以和其他家長交談

In the workplace,

比起從未離開辦公室的律師能帶來更多客戶

real equality means valuing family

而看護者的工作性質需要耐心

just as much as work,

非常多的耐心

and understanding that the two reinforce each other.

以及同理心、創造力、韌性、適應力

As a leader and as a manager,

這些特質對高速化、平行化、 網路化的全球經濟更加重要

I have always acted on the mantra,

頂尖的公司都知道這些特質

if family comes first,

曾因彈性工作環境得獎過的美國公司

work does not come second --

有些還是最成功的企業

life comes together.

以及一份2008年 針對改變工作環境的調查

If you work for me, and you have a family issue,

都顯示出員工在彈性 且有效率的工作環境下更加投入

I expect you to attend to it,

也有更高的滿意度及忠誠度

and I am confident,

壓力程度較低

and my confidence has always been borne out,

心理也比較健康

that the work will get done, and done better.

2012年一項對於員工所做的研究

Workers who have a reason to get home

顯示出有高度彈性的作法

to care for their children or their family members

其實可以降低營運成本

are more focused, more efficient,

在全球服務經濟體下更可以增進適應力

more results-focused.

你也許會覺得只有在美國 會有工作家庭失衡的問題

And breadwinners who are also caregivers

可惜的是，現在不只是美國人才會有這種問題

have a much wider range

20年前，我帶家人第一次去義大利

of experiences and contacts.

我們享受當地午睡的文化

Think about a lawyer who spends part of his time

午睡的習慣不只是躲避中午的熱氣

at school events for his kids

這帶來的意義等同於家庭聚餐的溫暖

talking to other parents.

現在當我們又拜訪當地，已經沒有那麼多商店

He's much more likely to bring in

有午休的時間了

new clients for his firm

這反映出國際企業的發展 和高度競爭環境中

than a lawyer who never leaves his office.

所以，為我們所愛的人挪出點時間

And caregiving itself

其實是全世界都迫切需要的

develops patience --

就政策面來說

a lot of patience --

真正的平等代表著要意識到 女性一直以來所做的工作

and empathy, creativity, resilience, adaptability.

跟男性一直以來的工作是一樣重要的

Those are all attributes that are ever more important

不論是誰做的

in a high-speed, horizontal,

試想：養家糊口和照顧家人對於生存一樣重要

networked global economy.

至少不在以物易物的經濟體系下

The best companies actually know this.

有人必須要賺到收入

The companies that win awards

其他家人就必須轉換該收入

for workplace flexibility in the United States

用來照顧和供給他們所愛的家人

include some of our most successful corporations,

大部分人聽到我說養家糊口和照顧家人

and a 2008 national study

就會直接聯想成男性和女性的工作

on the changing workforce

而我們通常不會質疑 為什麼男人的工作較具優勢

showed that employees

如果是同性的情侶

in flexible and effective workplaces

像是我的朋友莎拉和艾蜜莉

are more engaged with their work,

他們都是精神科醫生

they're more satisfied and more loyal,

他們五年前結婚

they have lower levels of stress

現在有對兩歲的雙胞胎

and higher levels of mental health.

他們都喜歡當媽媽，也喜歡他們的工作

And a 2012 study of employers

他們也很擅長於自己的工作

showed that deep, flexible practices

所以他們要怎麼分配

actually lowered operating costs

養家糊口和照顧小孩的責任呢?

and increased adaptability

是否該有任何一方停止工作

in a global service economy.

或是降低工作時數待在家呢?

So you may think

或著是雙方改變工作習慣

that the privileging of work over family

才能擁有更彈性的時間呢?

is only an American problem.

而又需要用哪種準則

Sadly, though, the obsession with work

才能讓他們做出決定呢?

is no longer a uniquely American disease.

應該是賺最多錢的人

Twenty years ago,

還是最投入工作的人呢?

when my family first started going to Italy,

或者是誰的上司最隨和?

we used to luxuriate in the culture of siesta.

用同性婚姻的觀點可以讓我們看到

Siesta is not just about avoiding the heat of the day.

應付工作及家人

It's actually just as much

不只是女性的問題而已

about embracing the warmth of a family lunch.

這應該是家庭的問題

Now, when we go, fewer and fewer businesses

而莎拉和艾蜜莉是幸運的情侶

close for siesta,

因為他們可以決定

reflecting the advance of global corporations

他們有多想要投入工作

and 24-hour competition.

數百萬的男女

So making a place for those we love

都需要身兼賺錢養家及照顧家人的角色

is actually a global imperative.

這樣才能賺到所需的薪水

In policy terms,

而很多勞工覺得很困擾

real equality means recognizing

他們拼湊起托育的安排

that the work that women have traditionally done

有些安排不恰當

is just as important

常常有些安排很危險

as the work that men have traditionally done,

假使賺錢養家跟照顧孩子一樣的重要

no matter who does it.

那我們的政府為什麼投入社會福利基金

Think about it: Breadwinning and caregiving

用來照顧人們的健康

are equally necessary for human survival.

無法跟經濟支柱的實體建設一樣多?

At least if we get beyond a barter economy,

懂得這一點的政府

somebody has to earn an income

其實你們都猜的到

and someone else has to convert that income

這些政府分別是

to care and sustenance for loved ones.

挪威、瑞典、丹麥及荷蘭

Now most of you, when you hear me

都提供全面性的托育制度

talk about breadwinning and caregiving,

政府支持在家和學校托育以及幼兒教育

instinctively translate those categories

保護懷孕婦女

into men's work and women's work.

照顧老年仁及身殘者

And we don't typically challenge

這些政府投資這種基礎建設

why men's work is advantaged.

和他們投資在道路、橋墩

But consider a same-sex couple

隧道和火車的錢一樣多

like my friends Sarah and Emily.

這些社會也讓你看到

They're psychiatrists.

賺錢養家和照顧家人是相輔相成的

They got married five years ago,

這些國家通常是最具經濟競爭力的前15名

and now they have two-year-old twins.

不過同時

They love being mothers,

他們在OECD美好生活指數中也名列前茅

but they also love their work,

事實上，比起其他政府，像是我的國家美國

and they're really good at what they do.

或是瑞士的名次都還要來得高

So how are they going to divide up

這些國家平均收入水平頗高

breadwinning and caregiving responsibilities?

不過在工作與生活的平衡上做得不好

Should one of them stop working

所以改變我們的工作環境

or reduce hours to be home?

並且建立起照護基礎建設

Or should they both change their practices

就可以帶來改變

so they can have much more flexible schedules?

要是我們沒有先改變自己的文化

And what criteria should they use

就無法平等取得有價值的選擇

to make that decision?

而所謂的文化改變需要

Is it who makes the most money

就是讓男性再度社會化

or who is most committed to her career?

(掌聲)

Or who has the most flexible boss?

在已開發國家

The same-sex perspective helps us see

社會中的女性相信自己

that juggling work and family

不再只會待在家而已

are not women's problems,

而男性卻還待在原處

they're family problems.

社會中的男性深信他們需要養家賺錢

And Sarah and Emily are the lucky ones,

他們的自我價值取決於職場上的升遷

because they have a choice

女性主義的革命還有一大段路要努力

about how much they want to work.

它顯然尚未完成

Millions of men and women

在《女性的奧秘》一書出版六十年後

have to be both breadwinners and caregivers

很多女性其實比起男性擁有更多的選擇

just to earn the income they need,

我們可以選擇當養家賺錢的人

and many of those workers are scrambling.

照顧孩子的人，或是兩者皆是

They're patching together care arrangements

另一方面

that are inadequate

如果男性選擇照顧孩子

and often actually unsafe.

他的男子氣概就岌岌可危了

If breadwinning and caregiving are really equal,

他的朋友可能會稱讚他的決定

then why shouldn't a government

但暗地裡卻不以為然

invest as much in an infrastructure of care

我們看待男性的標準

as the foundation of a healthy society

不就是男性間互相競爭取得權力和聲望嗎?

as it invests in physical infrastructure

越來越多女性也有這樣的觀點

as the backbone of a successful economy?

我們知道許多女性 仍然把男性的吸引力的標準

The governments that get it --

放在職場上的成就

no surprises here --

女性可以輕易離開職場 卻還是充滿吸引力的伴侶

the governments that get it,

對男性而言這是很冒險的作法

Norway, Sweden, Denmark, the Netherlands,

我身為家長也是工作夥伴

provide universal child care,

我們應該讓我們的兒子和丈夫變得更社會化

support for caregivers at home,

讓他們成為想要的角色

school and early childhood education,

不論是養家賺錢或是照顧孩子的人

protections for pregnant women,

我們應該告訴他們照顧孩子是很酷的事

and care for the elderly and the disabled.

(掌聲)

Those governments invest in that infrastructure

我知道你們會覺得「不可能」

the same way they invest in roads and bridges

事實上，這樣的改變真的在發生

and tunnels and trains.

至少在美國

Those societies also show you

很多男性對於烹飪引以為傲

that breadwinning and caregiving

甚至對爐子很著迷

reinforce each other.

有些男性會去產房

They routinely rank among the top 15 countries

盡量爭取陪產假

of the most globally competitive economies,

他們會帶小寶寶散步或是安撫學步的孩子

but at the same time,

跟他們的太太一樣厲害

they rank very high on the OECD Better Life Index.

這些男性做的家事也越來越多了

In fact, they rank higher than other governments,

事實上，現在有很多男大學生

like my own, the U.S., or Switzerland,

開始想要當「家庭主夫」

that have higher average levels of income

這種事情在50年前甚至是30年前

but lower rankings on work-life balance.

都無法絕對想像

So changing our workplaces

在挪威，男性正常就有三個月的陪產假

and building infrastructures of care

如果不想放陪產假，這假期就會消失

would make a big difference,

一位高階政府官員告訴我

but we're not going to get equally valued choices

公司會開始關注有潛力的男性員工

unless we change our culture,

並且質疑這些不願意放假陪小孩的男員工

and the kind of cultural change required

這代表說無法完全投入當爸爸的員工

means re-socializing men.

是被視為有個性缺陷

(Applause)

我從小就相信

Increasingly in developed countries,

倡導女性的權力

women are socialized to believe that our place

就是要我們竭盡所能

is no longer only in the home,

讓女性站在最高處

but men are actually still where they always were.

我仍希望我能活得夠老

Men are still socialized to believe

才能看到男女在職場上取得平等地位

that they have to be breadwinners,

我也相信我們對家庭的重視不亞於我們對工作的重視

that to derive their self-worth

我們也應該懷抱著一個想法

from how high they can climb over other men

為我們所愛的人做正確的事

on a career ladder.

會讓我們所有事情做得更好

The feminist revolution still has a long way to go.

30年前，一位傑出心理學家

It's certainly not complete.

卡羅爾·吉利根研究青春期少女

But 60 years after

並且發現關懷倫理

"The Feminine Mystique" was published,

這種人性的特質就跟正義一樣的重要

many women actually have

原來「漠不關心」

more choices than men do.

其實就跟我們覺得「這不公平」一樣的重要

We can decide to be a breadwinner,

比爾蓋茲也這麼認為

a caregiver, or any combination of the two.

他覺得這兩種強大的人性

When a man, on the other hand,

是自我主義同時也關懷他人

decides to be a caregiver,

讓我們將這兩種天性結合在一起

he puts his manhood on the line.

讓我們將女權革命變成人類革命

His friends may praise his decision,

全人類都會變成更好的照顧者以及養家的人

but underneath, they're scratching their heads.

你可能會覺得這無法實現

Isn't the measure of a man

但是在我成長的社會

his willingness to compete with other men

我的母親以前會在晚餐派對上放置菸灰缸

for power and prestige?

那時黑人和白人用不同的廁所

And as many women hold that view as men do.

當時人們都宣稱自己是異性戀

We know that lots of women

(觀眾笑聲)

still judge the attractiveness of a man

現今，即便做得還不夠多

based in large part on how successful he is

人類平等的革命

in his career.

還是會發生

A woman can drop out of the work force

現在正在發生

and still be an attractive partner.

未來也會發生

For a man, that's a risky proposition.

要走得多遠和多快發生都取決於我們

So as parents and partners,