we are gathering to debate the benefits of releasing our vampire hostage, right?

Oh my god, Laura. I don’t care how soppy her tale of long lost love is.

She just confessed to centuries of tricking girls into being her friend before she ate them.

Ugh, fine. But

if her mother really is the dean then don’t we need all the help that we can get?

It’s not help if we can’t trust a word she says!

Sorry, L, not on board with untying someone who may eat me.

Perry?

You didn’t even wanna trap her in the first place!

Have you been listening to what she’s been saying?

We kidnapped the dean’s daughter. We can’t just let her go now. Sorry, Carmilla.

Oh, don’t worry about me.

If you guys wanna go after my mother, I’m fine here.

[addressing LaFontaine’s laptop] “Vampires don’t cry?”

That’s almost as bad as that sparkly twerp…

Yep.

Clearly we’re lost without her.

Fine.

But what are we gonna do about the dean?

[Later]

[To the laptop]

You’re a vampire, numb nuts! Eat her!

Pop culture has so much to answer for…

[Will enters]

Well… This is pathetic.

Mother sent me to see if you’d dealt with your roommate problem yet and I see that the answer is no.

That’s some big talk, fresh meat.

This fresh meat took you down, Kitty.

I remember. How’s that collarbone feeling?

Aaah, lucky shot.

Hm. Untie me and we’ll find out.

That is what you’re here for, isn’t it?

Yes.

[Cuts Carmilla loose]

Mother says it’s time to stop screwing around.

No more stalling.

We’re gonna grab your prissy little roomie and we’re gonna—

[Laura waking up]

Carm, can you please turn down the television?

[Turns on the light]

This is not good! Will, you need to run right now!

Oh my god, really? Why?

Because...

I know that we didn’t really talk about this when you were helping us catch her but… she’s a vampire!

[Laughs]

I know.

She’s kinda not the only one.

Cool. Okay. Cool.

So, with that information, I’m just gonna go…

[Turns to leave, but Will blocks her]

I’m really gonna enjoy this.

[Laura hits Will in the throat and runs into the bathroom]

Ah!

Okay, ow. What the hell was that?

Uh, my father is a raging paranoid!

You think he sends me day of the week bear spray but didn’t sign me up for krav maga at age eight?

Cute. Not gonna save you.

[Will kicks down the door]

[Sounds of a struggle]

See?

This is why I miss the 1930s.

You know, sure, you get the occasional gal who signs up for the ARTC,

but you don’t get any of this chop saki crap.

Yeah, victims who fight back are so inconvenient.

Haha, laugh it up, Kitty.

I’m sure mother’s gonna find it hilarious I had to cut you loose and finish your chores for you.

You… you are such a mama’s boy.

I think I’ll just have a little snack now.

We don’t kill the targets.

[Will laughs]

And I bet you’re already in deep for losing the airhead.

Well, it was an accident.

I mean, how was I supposed to know

that they were gonna lock her in an upstairs bedroom with a window wide open…

And now you wanna be the guy who lost two of them?

It’d be worth it just to screw with you.

[Carmilla punches Will in the face]

[Laura runs behind Carmilla]

You’re gonna regret that, Kitty.

[Will slams open the door and runs out]

Thank you for not letting him eat me. Which was especially nice of you—

[Carmilla pins her to the bed and bites her]

[Carmilla runs after Will]

Uh!

Oh my god oh my god oh my god.