For those of you who have been watching, you know that a couple months ago, the dean, who’s evil,

kidnapped my roommate Betty,

to feed some brain devouring hungry light under the earth.

I thought I could save my roommate,

and instead, all I’ve managed to do is get my friends brainsucked and kidnapped…

and my heart broken by my sociopathic vampire roommate,

who’s probably the only one who’s gonna survive any of this.

Also, I’m pretty sure I flunked out.

The worst part is that if I just sit here and do nothing,

it’ll pass me over.

I could be safe and go home to my dad.

And all I’d have to do is accept the fact that I don’t understand the world and that I can’t change it.

And that even trying would be throwing away my life for nothing.

It’s time. It’s time for the party. I have to go.

Calm down, sweetie. There’s no party.

There is and it’s now!

The party…

The party.

Laura, you are not helping!

No, I mean the party. When Carmilla did the translation, she said

their world narrows to celebration. But what if it was supposed to be “their world narrows to the celebration”?

Is there a bright light at the party?

Yes. Party light. Glittering…

And do you know how to get there? How to get to the party?

I have to go.

I won’t try and force you.

There’s no way that we can win.

We might not even be able to make a dent.

I am supposed to be planning a post-midterms brunch and

hassling my best friend because pipettes make crappy stocking stuffers.

Some things are more important than whether you can win.

So sometimes you stand up anyway.

[Perry nods in acknowledgement[

Um,

Dad.

If you’re watching this,

[Perry begins untying LaFontaine]

sorry for all the stupid things that I’ve done.

And I love you.

And Carmilla,

if you’re watching this, then…

you know.

[Laura, LaFontaine, and Perry leave]

[Later; Carmilla is watching the video]

Goddamnit.

Of all the imbecilic,

idiot, suicidal…

You just had to go and get yourself eaten.

Oh god, you’re somewhere getting eaten.

[Danny enters]

Where the hell is Laura because this isn’t funny.

What?

I just got a text. “Trapped in basement of old chapel. Come quick. Bring stakes.”

The Dudley Chapel.

The Lustig Building! They’re under the Lustig Building!

You’re being serious? This isn’t a joke?

Only the part that’s happening right now, Xena.

Okay.

Get down there, rustle up your Brobdingnagian sorority sisters and- and get to the Lustig.

Hell, even tell the Zetas that’s where the missing bros are.

And where are you going?

To do something really stupid.

Is that thing still running?

Yeah, I think we’re supposed to be filming our soppy heartfelt goodbyes or something.

Screw that.

Good call.

See you at the violence.

[Danny and Carmilla leave]

So, a completely unexpected thing just happened.

[Laura, Danny, Betty, LaFontaine, Natalie, Perry, Elsie, and Kirsch are gathered in Laura’s room.]

We won.

We actually won.

We won.

And Carmilla’s dead.