I think it's a major driving force...the drive to stay young

and the devaluing of age and and the beauty that wrinkles bring

and the wisdom and all of that.

We really don't take care of the

elderly in country and it's really sad.

Our culture is very now.

We don't value their their history.

I think people are very discriminatory about older people.

you know, they don't want to get old so they try to

shuffle them aside and, you know, it's a culture of...

good-looking people, Abercrombie and Fitch, you know

I think everyone is afraid of aging, actually, especially women.

I see a lot of old people by themselves. They're alone, they're always alone

and I don't wanna be alone.

Since I turned 30,

I instantly started thinking about aging.

And I just got super terrified all of a sudden.

Right now, like, I run a magazine, I feel like I'm helping women.

I'm like, what happens when that's like

taken away from me...or am I gonna just be discarded?

I was thinking I don't have a fear of aging,

but it is the fear of becoming invisible.

And I think it's very, they're like becoming kinda one and the same in our society.

That terrifies me.

I'm definitely, definitely worried about you feel like

doors aren't as open to you whenever you get older

I almost feel like if I don't achieve certain things by the time I'm 30 that

doors are closed to me.

Am I gonna have a career? And am I gonna have a husband?

And like, at this point, am I gonna make it work? you know and like

well, I don't have someone yet

and like, well what if I'm 30 and, you know, or what if I'm 33 and I don't have someone

or

when am I gonna have a kid? Or, like,

Is it normal for me to wanna have a kid in three years?

Or should I be worried that I have to have a career first and then do this

and like

those questions are kind of, I think all surround that idea of getting older

in a physical way, right?

Like, this idea of your maternal or your biological clock.

It wasn't until this last year that my mother started

prodding me about babies and she also told me that, um,

for the last couple of years she's been buying baby clothes for my future children.

which is really weird!

We get out of our age of fertility and

then what makes us beautiful?

As a woman, you feel like you're, you know,

you're not gonna be as pretty,

you're gonna miss being, like, an object of sexual desire

which is kinda terrible to say, but, you know,

it feels nice to feel pretty.

The most unattractive times in women,

when you're looking at aging versus beauty,

is those women who are just trying to look young.

like, they're not trying to look beautiful

they're just trying to lead you on demand and its only

at their whole being like many returns on any dismantling

young and we youth is beautiful but like in attacking

case like variety of different people in my family like had gotten equipment

that it had nothing to do you like they find map

breast implants and some of them are really happy units and the attack team

you like

you know now that I'm fifty like I actually feel like this is

like a alien part of me I get actually paid and I wish that I could reinvent

I wish I could tell 'em a 22-year-old sound like you need you back

totally honest I have dark unfettered plastic surgery

I do this from a man who the American if the whole

it'd be nice to live that's right my

I hate the idea touching going

under the knife the only reason anyone would think about doing bad

the pressures of St laugh lines is really beautiful

and I stopped for speeding like whether the pre things that you can have

the only came cuz he is seen smiling

and wrinkles on your nose it's a douche in smile it's actually studied

neurological

my little happy smiles and I'm

winds right here and people perceive that has to be joyful

person so late we avoid all those last lines they really want to get older and

he does a new lightweight

that is what the fuck I think I like be in pool I am

and being who I am right now has some wrinkles attached

and that okay the man

when is in pieces and advice that we have law

freedom nine-year period up to are maybe watching their parents

program parents go through that the one thing we all gon

the one thing we all have in common I here limited in their

that I'm waiting my name and her personal life so I hope that every day

and the

I think just label and and continued ecologists hiking

glowing better think that is a rental

green Justin a warning going to love the fear death

is that fear

becoming invisible not existing losing the ego

and I think that what I would like to believe that is and when I can feel my

bones it

it is is not so much a losing the needle

many gaming then everything else man I think that

if region I can hold that idea

than the older I get the closer I get to that everything you know

and that is that you had as you age is the most amazing

I am less and less for you managing me because I as I

HIV come more and more serene

and I'm number the moment something like

you

that I could come to you

when I was younger after a while I decided I like myself the way I

yeah ended I find

pressures frightened yard line the long do you get

the mood for me anyway the less afraid I am

because what's the worst that can happen like undying

big deal I'm gonna die you never know in the meantime

make them all the adventure sec have they got what I can do you think the

people I can mean oh the places I can go

I'm not afraid the Moulin the new

theme

are

old lowell my mother told me to use up today

open the windows take a walk be the best I can be

whatever it takes me goal come home

and spread the story Mary Sue if sixty

I've never met her but I know she's stunning told me the most of her life

behind her

is supposed to have all the answers by now but is just figuring out the

question

says she doesn't want to waste a moment her body hurts

some days and boobs moves really do head south

she teaches yoga and married the right man

she remembers where her keys are says sixty is great

ma fone wonderful big

tell me to claim my space not to accept anyone who cannot love me fully says

to never fear Tesla what Tesla is 8

says she really thinks about the future doesn't think about getting married

high school even she's just happy to play

the nineteen more thought everything would be a party

she is tired and overworked already between college

a boyfriend and her job she is tired the mall ready

Nancy nancy is perfectly Porto Rican

you the sound to triangulate her position at 46 said aging is fun

up you're smart and you're never gonna be just

as your body is breaking down says she would have been more in thinking about

skincare and not smoking

says she would have been more adventurous married the love of her life

last week

married a woman in an age where marrying the person you love is still up for

debate

she is nothing if not adventurous type thing when I was 10

couldn't wait to be in and I'll I'm told I am one now but

I mostly play hide and seek with my responsibilities find myself

under the covers waiting for tomorrow to come but I have have kissed

most I'm lives I wanted to have loved

most other people I needed to attempts fearlessness

often and remember to count my blessings my grandmother would have been a hundred

by now

her mother grew up at the tail end of slavery

my grandmother spent time as a maid I've made a living

speaking my mind I am reminded a poet

my friend might adelphi a she wrote a nothing new under the Sun

ain't nothing new about death and dying about lowering a body

into the ground ain't nothing new about regrets

I felt bad see when you're old enough to feel the gravity of your existence

choices must be balanced new shoes for rent

a beach day or overtime ice cream or healthy digestion

aging is not for the faint of heart it's about grabbing this moment because it's

the only one you've got about

picking yourself back up and hoping that the ball again it's about basic

and trust and loan forgiveness and growth about

keeping your word in attempting to be a good person this light

is about making damn sure when your final breath comes

you've said and done everything you needed to so that when you meet your

maker

all that is left to be said faint

so thank you something