Do you like it here?

- But--[sighs] I mean,

I don't fit in here-- just straight up body type.

Like, in L.A., my arms register as legs.

They're just like-- [laughter]

[laughter]

They're like, "Why is that octopus on Sunset?"

"Is that--" [laughter]

It's not-- it's not for me out here.

- No? - It's not, no.

But I--you know.

- What do you do when you're here?

- I cry. I just sit in my room...

[laughter] Bawling.

No, I--

Well, last time I was here, right from the show,

I got courtside tickets to a Laker game.

- That's fun. - Yeah, 'cause my--

my business agent thought I was mad at him

for sexually harassing me.

- Well-- - But no, I'm 33,

so I'm just starting to really appreciate that,

you know what I mean? - I see, I see.

- Well, it's true. I can't speak for everyone.

I'm not like "Sexually harass--"

but, in your 20s, I feel like you walk around--

like you'll walk past a construction site,

and be kind of like, "Oh, don't look--"

But then, in your 30s, you know, I'm just like,

"What about this?" [laughter]

"Like, how about--" [laughter]

It's like my skirt's over my head.

I'm like, "Aah." [laughter]

They're like, "We're eating."

But, uh-- [laughter]

[laughter]

It changes, it really does.

It changes, so-- So I got courtside seats,

which--you've sat courtside at a game, right?

- I have, yeah. - I thought--I went--

I thought it would be free booze.

Um... [laughter]

It's not, it's not. [laughter]

I guess you have to be on the team to get free booze.

So... - [laughs]

- I go, I get randomly seated next to Dianna Agron.

You know, the actress. She was on "Glee."

She played the cheerleader, Quinn?

I mean, that lets you know how hot she is.

Yeah--oh, there we go. There's the picture.

Thanks for--yes. Isn't that great?

[laughter] She's like--

the most gorgeous girl ever.

Her name was "Quinn" on that show.

To pull off that name? - Yeah.

- Like if my name were "Quinn" on a show,

they'd be like, "Oh, the jolly Irish groundskeeper, that--"

[laughter]

"Does a jig time and again," you know.

But so she's there. Is she not like an angel?

So--and the whole night, she's like,

She's like this...

'cause she knows people are taking pictures of her.

I obviously don't.

[laughter]

I learned a lot. I learned that my resting face,

is just a scowl, is just-- [laughter]

[laughter]

And I learned--and you can see--

that I have what I'm now calling an "at-risk chin."

[laughter]

This is not a good section!

[laughter] If I--if I don't,

like keep it at sea level, it just doubles itself, just--

[laughter]

I become the dinosaur in the jeep in "Jurassic Park,"

just "Fff!"

[laughter]

So I'm like--no idea people are taking pictures.

I'm pounding red wine, and I--

I thought it was free-- and I--

[laughter]

I get red wine teeth right out the gate, you know?

Like, just first sniff of merlot,

just "True Blood" mouth.

I look like I've been feeding, and I'm eating popcorn,

the way I think we all eat popcorn, which is--

you know, at first, don't you always kind of start out

kind of like lying to yourself?

Like, "I don't know, I'll have a little."

Ehm. [laughter]

Like one piece at a time, you know?

And then--and then, like, you get a little more real.

Right? [laughter]

and then eventually, you just--you get "real" real.

And just "gah!"

[laughter]

Like, I've split my lip trying to get one more kernel--

[laughter]

It's true. In my dumb mouth.

It is true.

- [laughing hard]

- And so that's what happened. If you Google me, it'll be--

And I--I look like her, actually.

I look like her if she were stung by a million bees.

[laughter]

It's true!

I look like her if she were, like, becoming the Hulk.

That's-- [laughter]

And she--you know, she wanted to be friends,

and I'm like, "I can't. I can't.

We don't have-- we're not the same thing."

Like she was telling me hot people problems, you know.

She's like, "He won't stop calling."

And I'm like, "[whine], I hate that."

[laughter]

Do you eat popcorn like that, though?

Are you a popcorn lover? - Yeah, I do.

And I eat it exactly like that. - Right?

- Yes. - I mean, that's why--

I'm so annoyed-- I'm single again,

so I'm going to have to start dating some guy,

and we'll go to the movies and he'll be like,

"Do you want to get popcorn?" and I have to be like,

"Oh, I hadn't even thought about it."

[laughter]

He's like, "What size?" and I'm like,

"[giggles] A small. Look at me."

[laughter]

Right, like a small popcorn? That's like taking one Advil.

Like, "get outta here."

[laughter]

"Get--I want a trough.

And I want to dunk my head in it."

And--and then, you know.

I'll be pretending not to think about the popcorn.

- Hilarious. So when you say

you're gonna start dating again, that means that you're--

are you dating at all?

- No, I, um--

Well, I know everyone here is like, "How do we date you?"

Thank you. [laughter]

[laughter]

You can't, and not just 'cause I'm not totally out of the woods

with this UTI I have right now, but also--

[laughter]

but also-- Thank you.

[laughter and applause] Oh, my God.

[laughter and applause]

No, but I'm not on any dating websites.

I don't--I'm on--I have one, like, app on my phone

that's kind of-- it's called "Foodspotting."

[laughter]

And it's like Tinder, but for food, so, it lets me know--

- Is this real? - This is totally real.

It lets--they let you know about food in your area.

So, like, this week in L.A., I was eyeing this one particular

scone.

And uh-- [laughter]

Under a mile away.

Coincidence? Probably not.

[laughter]

So, I'm like, "Should I go?" And my friends are like, "Go!

Like, check it out!"

So I went to the scone, and I kind of just sidled up to it,

and I was like, "Oh, my God, you look just like your picture."

[laughter]

So I'm kind of dating. Kind of dating.

- It's different than that. You should--

[laughs]

Oh, my God. - It's pretty much

the same exact thing. - Hilarious.

It's almost exactly the same. - Yeah.