in the shape of a million dollar bill, we count 15 of the lamest criminals ever to infect

society with their ineptitude 15 - Lumberjack,

• A guy casually walking down the street finds a bike chained to the tree - now, you'd

imagine if he wanted to steal the bike that he'd just cut off the chain with cable cutters,

right? • Nope, in the middle of the busy street

this guy takes out his axe and decides to cut down the tree - in front of dozens of

people • The whole time he was getting heckled,

some people pushing him around - but he was determined, and after 7 minutes the tree fell,

but people chased him away before he could steal the bike

14 - Book, • A Polish author called Krystian Bala who

brutally murdered another person in the year 2000 - he wasn't caught and he kept writing

books • 3 years after the murder, he wrote a book

called Amok in which he describes a very similar murder to the one he actually committed - a

reader tipped off the police, they discovered several links to the real case

• Krystian was caught out and sentenced for 25 years, simply because he couldn't keep

a very basic secret - but at least his book sales skyrocketed

13 - Phone Number, • An 18-year-old robber in Chicago tried

to rob this muffler shop, but when he busted in armed to the teeth demanding money - he

heard something no robber ever wants to hear • The money was in the safe, and the only

person who could get into the safe was the manager - who wasn't there

• Instead of cutting his losses, this guy does the unthinkable thing - he writes down

his phone number, hands it to the employees and tells them to ring him back when they

have the money • The instant he walked out the door, the

employees called the police, they rang the robber and had him walk straight back into

the shop only to get slapped with handcuffs 12 - Awful Burglary,

• This one criminal called Christopher Kron was so terrible at his profession that he

actually made an instructional video on how NOT to commit burglary

• He cites this one time he broke into a store - the alarm tripped, but he didn't leave

even though it was blaring in his ears - the security company rang the stores phone only

for Kron to pick up and supply them with his REAL NAME

• Even after all this all he stole was a couple of beer bottles, to WHICH HE RETURNED

TO THE STORE A DAY LATER and was recognised by everyone that worked there - he was arrested

on the spot 11 - Birth Certificate,

• A thief that stole this woman's purse was in such as rush that he left behind two

bags, both of which contained critical information for the case

• For some reason he'd been carrying around his own birth certificate and, just as damning,

a note from his own mother • What boggles the mind is: if you've decided

to steal belongings, why wouldn't you leave your goddamn birth certificate at home or,

and here's a thought, not carry bags full of ID and forget you have them

10 - Cash Call, • A 40-year-old criminal called Daniel Glen

who tried to rob a convenience store in Ontario - by calling the person that worked there

to ask them how much they had in the cash register

• The instant the call ended, the employee got the police down there where they found

Daniel skulking nearby and arrested him • Amazingly, Daniel had already tried this

tactic several times before, ringing ahead to make sure the store had money ready for

him to collect 9 - Date,

• A Swedish man browsing a certain dating website was annoyed that the 13-year-old girl

he'd be attempting to sleep with didn't turn up at their date

• He'd given her almost 100 dollars as an advance payment, but after she started to

ignore him he tried to get himself justice - by ringing her father to demand she provide

a refund because she wouldn't sleep with him • Suffice to say the Swedish man didn't

get a refund - suffice to say his plan would backfire very, very hard

8 - Facebook, • This one criminal took this woman's cell

phone and almost got away with it - except when later on he decided to send her a facebook

friend request • She immediately recognised him from his

500+ photos and got his name: Juan Gonzales Jr

• He was arrested and charged with second-degree burglary and felony theft, but most of all

he was charged with being a gigantic idiot 7 - Police House,

• A criminal called Darren Kimpton tried to break into a house, but he cut himself

on some glass and in doing so left blood at the crime scene

• Later that day he tried to break into another place - only to accidentally find

himself in a house filled with police officers • The cops were there investigating an unrelated

burglary when they caught Darren attempting to force his way into the house - when he

realised how screwed he was, he tried to make a run for it, but they quickly subdued him

6 - Crack, • An older woman who, like all of us, turned

to the police in her time of crisis - but her issue was a bit dodgy

• She walked up to a police officer and asked for help in getting money back because

the cocaine she'd bought turned out to be low quality

• She even showed the officer the cocaine, and then immediately found herself under arrest

because, well, she showed an officer the cocaine 5 - Old Woman,

• Another story about an old woman, but this one reaching 95 years old - and although

she was confined to a wheelchair, she still managed to keep a burglar from breaking in

• It was at 3am that this woman heard glass break near her front door, so she picked up

a screwdriver and stabbed the hand reaching through the window again and again while calling

for help • Police arrived and found the burglar passed

out on her front porch, bleeding from multiple stab wounds

4 - Gun Store, • This one guy Derrick Mosley walked into

a gun store wielding a baseball bat and tried to steal a gun - tried to steal a gun from

a gun store - using a baseball bat • He smashed a glass display case and attempted

to take one of the firearms, but things didn't quite go right for him

• Suffice to say, the store's owner laughed and pulled out a gun, keeping Derrick in his

crosshairs until the police could arrive to arrest him

3 - Million Dollars, • One older guy called Michael Anthony Fuller

who had the balls to create his own counterfeit money, didn't realise that subtlety is key

when he made a visit to walmart to cash in a million dollar bill

• For his $500 purchase he asked for $999,000 in change to which the police were called

in - they spent a good deal of time staring in disbelief at this ludicrous million dollar

bill before they slapped him with an attempt to obtain goods under false pretense

2 - Disguise, • A 48-year-old criminal called Dennis Hawkins

who unsuccessfully tried to rob a bank on two separate occasions wearing an amazing

disguise • He wore a blonde wig, fake breasts, clown

pants and a goatee, trying to pass himself off as the burliest woman imaginable - with

nothing covering his face, which made him the most conspicuous man on Earth

• A gas station attendant later reported some idiot dressed like a woman had tried

to steal a car, and police nabbed him up straight away

1 - Bad Prisoner • A 21 year old guy named Frank Singleton,

just release from jail - the very first thing he did after getting released was to visit

the prison parking lot and carjack a woman • Even though he was successful, he got

in the car and realised he didn't know how to drive a manual - he was sent back to jail

immediately • The police asked him why he did it, why

he couldn't even wait more than a few minutes to return to his life of crime, to which Frank

replied, "I didn't feel like walking"