- Correct! - I am the smartest man alive!

[Laughing]

He gonna have a stupid party every time he passes a grade?

Whee! [Carl] Everybody's having a good time but you.

Spoiled snot! Get outta here.

Let me ask you something, Carl.

You started here, what, 25 years ago?

Night bellboy at the Philadelphia Madison?

After all your hard work, how would you feel...

workin' for some punk kid like Billy?

Could be worse.

Whee! That's nice.

Man, I'm so nervous.

First and second grade were easy, but social studies, division.

This is gonna be tough!

Man, I'm so nervous.

First and second grade were easy, but social studies, division.

This is gonna be tough! Relax, dude.

Jackpot!

Good morning, class.

[Together] Good morning, Miss Vaughn.

We're gonna start today by reading together...

a short story entitled, My Sister, Fanny.

[Laughing] Quiet!

Let's all open up our Reading Is Fun books...

to page 69. Sixty-nine! [Laughing]

Class, say hello to Billy Madison.

[Together] Hello, Billy Madison.

Billy is a nuisance. He will be gone in two weeks.

I apologize for this inconvenience.

- Geez, what's up her butt? - What was that, Billy?

I said, "Reading is good."

Can we start the story now?

Dan, you may begin.

"On-Once...

"th-th-there w-w-was...

"a g-g-girl...

"who wa-wa-wanted t-to... Kid can't even read.

Cut it out, dude. You're gonna get us in trouble.

"Air-air...

p-p-p-p..."

To-To-Today, junior!

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Giggling]

Ow! You're tearing my ear off!

Making fun of a little kid for trying to read!

Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear.

You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks, or I'm gonna fail you.

End of story.

I see your lips movin'.

But I can't make out the words. I'm deaf!

Oh, Veronica Vaughn!

# So hot Want to touch the heinie #

[Howls]

You know that girlie I've been chasin'?