Well, it's because you're kind of a (meow sound effect).

When Chuck Norris peels an onion,

he doesn't cry, the onion does.

I have a little trick for you that's called,

science.

Sure, it's not real,

but with its confusing big words and so-called facts,

people believe this stuff.

global warming, even gravity.

It's not real, people.

So tell your friends this is why onions make you cry,

because they're judging you.

We all are.

See, onions absorb sulphur from the Earth's soil,

which they then convert into amino acids

known as sulphoxides,

and these sulphoxides are highly volatile.

Think Kanye West at an award show, any award show.

When you chop into an onion,

it releases a lachrymatory factor synthase enzyme.

These enzymes react with the sulphoxides

within the onion and convert them into sulfenic acids,

which are highly unstable, like Lindsay Lohan unstable.

So unstable they transform themselves into a compound

that no one can pronounce, syn-Propanethial-S-oxide.

This pesky combination of sulfuric acid, sulphurdioxide,

and hydrogen sulfide interacts with the air around your eye.

You cry.

You're no.

It's just the magic of science.