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  • - WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY.

  • NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.

  • COUSIN DELROY'S GETTING MARRIED...

  • all: MM-HMM.

  • - TO A MAN.

  • WHICH IS CRAZY. - MM-HMM.

  • - AND WE'RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH, WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP

  • WITH THE PARTICULARS OF A GAY WEDDING.

  • WHAT I'VE DONE IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE

  • TO GET MY FRIEND GARY IN HERE,

  • WHO'S--I MEAN, HE'S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND.

  • HE'S A COWORKER OF MINE WHO HAPPENS

  • TO BE A ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY,

  • AND HE'S GONNA GIVE US SOME ADVICE ON,

  • YOU KNOW, WHA--WHAT TO DO.

  • SO, GARY, WHA--WHAT CAN-- WHAT CAN WE EXPECT?

  • - ALL RIGHT.

  • WELL, FIRST OF ALL, GUYS,

  • THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME HERE,

  • AND I THINK IT'S REALLY AMAZING

  • WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING FOR YOUR COUSIN DELROY.

  • REALLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, BASICALLY, THAT A GAY WEDDING

  • IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING.

  • YES? YES, SIR.

  • - SO THEN DO THE MEN WEAR DRESSES AND THEN

  • THE WOMEN WOULD WEAR SUITS?

  • - NO. NO, NO, NO.

  • YOU WOULD JUST WHERE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR

  • AT A--AT A STRAIGHT WEDDING.

  • - NOW, NONE OF US ARE GAY, SO I ASSUME

  • THAT WE WOULD ALL SIT THEN IN THE STRAIGHT SECTION.

  • - THE STRAIGHT SECTION? - YEAH.

  • - OH, THE STRAIGHT SECTION.

  • HE MEANS AS OPPOSED TO THE GAY SECTION.

  • - NO, NO, THERE'S--THERE'S-- THERE'S NO SECTIONS, GUYS.

  • - BUT THE GAY PEOPLE... - NO, NO, NO.

  • WHAT--YOU WOULD JUST SIT-- - AND THEN THE STRAIGHT?

  • - NO, LARRY, LARRY, LISTEN TO ME JUST FOR A SECOND.

  • - BUT THEN THE AISLE. - YOU WOULD JUST--

  • YOU WOULD JUST SIT ON THE SIDE OF THE PERSON

  • THAT WERE FRIENDS WITH OR THAT YOUR FAMILY'S MEMBERS,

  • JUST LIKE IN A STRAIGHT WEDDING.

  • - SO WE JUST GUESS WHO'S GAY.

  • - OR NOT. YOU COULD JUST--YEAH.

  • - WE'LL GUESS WHO'S GAY.

  • - OKAY. GUESS WHO--

  • - WHEN IN THE CEREMONY DO WE SINGOVER THE RAINBOW?

  • - WELL, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T.

  • THIS IS A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY, SO YOU--

  • YOU WOULDN'T BE SINGING THAT DURING THE SERVICE.

  • - OH, ALL RIGHT. - YOU DONE WITH THE QUESTIONS?

  • - NO, I'M JUST ASKING.

  • - I'M NERVOUS 'CAUSE I CAN ONLY DO JAZZ HANDS

  • FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES 'FORE MY HANDS START TO CRAMP.

  • - OH, SIR, I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU--

  • I DON'T THINK ANY-- I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA

  • EXPECT YOU TO HAVE TO DO JAZZ HANDS.

  • - NOW CAN WE SEE THE PONY SHOW FROM THE STRAIGHT SECTION?

  • OR ARE WE WAY IN THE BACK SOMEWHERE?

  • - MA'AM, AGAIN, THERE'S NO STRAIGHT SECTION.

  • WHAT IS A PONY SHOW?

  • - YOU KNOW, WHEN Y'ALL GO LIKE THIS.

  • - NO, THERE WON'T BE--

  • THERE WON'T BE ANY OF THIS DURING THE CEREMONY.

  • - OH. OH.

  • - WHEN DO WE SING YMCA?

  • - OH. - SIR, NOT DURING THE CEREMONY.

  • - OKAY.

  • - WHAT ABOUTMACHO, MACHOMAN? - NO.

  • - I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BUY NO GAY PRESENTS.

  • - WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT A GAY PRESENT IS.

  • USUALLY, WHAT COUPLES DO IS THEY JUST--

  • THEY JUST REGISTER AT A STORE...

  • - HUH.

  • - LIKE A STRAIGHT COUPLE WOULD.

  • - THE GAY STORE, OR-- - JUST A REGULAR STORE.

  • - WHERE DO YOU GET THE EUROS TO BUY GAY GIFTS?

  • - ARE YOU SAYING EUROS?

  • YOU WOULDN'T-- YOU WOULDN'T USE EUROS.

  • - NO, IT'S--IT'S-- IT'S A GOOD QUESTION, FINNEY.

  • WE--WE SHOULD MAKE SOME EYE CONTACT

  • SO WE MAKE SURE THAT THE COMMUNICATION'S HAPPENING.

  • - YEAH. - I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW

  • IS IT, LIKE, A--YOU KNOW, A DIFFERENT CURRENCY?

  • OR IS IT MORE LIKE CAMEL CASH?

  • - NOPE, JUST GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED U.S. DOLLARS, YEP.

  • - DO WE HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ANAL SEX?

  • - OH! - OR CAN WE JUST WATCH

  • AND CHEER IN A FIREMEN'S HAT?

  • - NO, THERE'S NO ANAL SEX AND NO FIREMAN'S HAT.

  • - OH, OKAY. - IT'S CUNNILINGUS.

  • - IS THAT A QUESTION, SIR?

  • - WHEN DO WE GET TO SING IT'S RAINING MEN,

  • HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAININGMEN? - YOU DON'T.

  • - SO THERE'S NO GAY HYMNS IN THE CEREMONY?

  • - SIR, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A GAY HYMN.

  • - WHAT? - WELL, DOES THE FAKE PRIEST

  • LOOK LIKE A REAL PRIEST OR LIKE A NUN?

  • - IT'S GONNA BE A REAL PRIEST. - OR...

  • - NO, THERE'S NO "OR."

  • - IS IT A SEXY BOAT CAPTAIN,

  • THEN HE TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF?

  • all: OHH. - WHAT? NO. NO.

  • - DO WE THROW SOMETHING OTHER THAN RICE?

  • - LIKE WHAT, SIR?

  • WHAT WOULD YOU THROW OTHER THAN RICE?

  • - I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

  • COUSCOUS. SKITTLES.

  • - GUYS, A GAY WEDDING IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING, OKAY?

  • IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

  • - WELL, WHEN THEY KISS, IS IT OKAY TO STAND UP AND SAY, "EW"?

  • - NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT WOULD BE--THAT WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC.

  • - THIS FROM THE MAN WHO WON'T ALLOW GAY HYMNS

  • AT THE GAY WEDDING.

  • - OKAY, BUT LIKE A INVOLUNTARY GASP.

  • - I WOULD JUST, I GUESS, TRY TO CURB THAT BEHAVIOR.

  • - OKAY. I'LL--I'LL LOOK AWAY THEN.

  • - OH, MY GOD. - NOW, IS RUPAUL GONNA BE THERE?

  • - NO, I DON'T THINK DELROY KNOWS RUPAUL.

  • - UH, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS? - NO.

  • - OOH, DOOGIE.

  • - WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET?

  • - THIS IS RIDICULOUS! - EXCUSE ME, GARY.

  • "RIDICULOUS." IS THAT A GAY TERM?

  • - OKAY, YEP. I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.

  • - OH, HE'S A LITTLE TESTY, ISN'T HE?

  • - NAH, HE CAN GO. - GOOD LUCK.

  • - WE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW IT GO.

  • - LET'S GO, STEFAN.

  • - I THINK WE PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.

- WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY.

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