I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

THEN GET IN HERE.

HEY.

HEY.

SIT. YOU'RE MISSING IT.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

THE INCOMPARABLE DONNA REED SHOW.

WHAT'S IN THERE?

UH, A SALAD.

SAL

YEAH, IT'S A QUAINT DISH SOMETIMES USED

TO PRECEDE LARGE QUANTITIES OF PIZZA.

IT'S FOR ME.

CLEARLY.

SO, WHO'S DONNA REED?

WHAT?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO DONNA RE

?

THE QUINTESSENTIAL '50S MOM WITH THE PERFECT '50S FAMILY?

NEVER WITHOUT A SMILE AND HIGH HEELS?

HAIR THAT IF YOU HIT WITH A HAMMER WOULD CRACK?

SO, IT'S A SHOW?

IT'S A LIFESTYLE.

IT'S A RELIGION.

MY FAVORITE EPISODE...

UM, UM. TELL ME, TELL ME.

...IS WHEN THEIR SON, JEFF, COMES HOME FROM SCHOOL,

AND NOTHING HAPPENS.

OOH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

ONE OF MY FAVORITES IS WHEN MARY, THE DAUGHTER,

GETS A PART-TIME JOB,

AND NOTHING HAPPENS.

ANOTHER CLASSIC.

SO WHAT'S THIS ONE ABOUT?

UH, THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY QUITE FILLED WITH INTRIGUE.

THE HUSBAND, ALEX, COMES HOME LATE FOR DINNER, AND HE DIDN'T CALL.

MIGHT AS WELL KICK THE DOG, TOO.

HUH, OH SHE'S MA

...BIND IN THE SUGAR DEPARTMENT.

I GUESS I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING ELSE.

NOT THAT MY SUGARY ATTITUDE WOULDN'T MAKE ANYONE AN INSTANT DIABETIC.

(Rory) MOTHER-DAUGHTER WINDOW WASHING.

WE SHOULD TRY THAT.

YEAH, RIGHT AFTER MOTHER-DAUGHTER SHOCK TREATMENTS.

YOU KNOW, DAUGHTER, THERE'S NOTHING MORE SATISFYING THAN WASHING WINDOWS. OH, NO.

WHAT? DID I MISS A SPOT?

NO, I JUST HAD AN IMPURE THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR FATHER, ALEX.

FUNNY, I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAD IT.

IT ISN'T THE 2ND SATURDAY OF THE MONTH.

(Rory) HEY, I HEARD YOU HAD AN IMPURE THOUGHT ABOUT ME.

I MUST NOW SUBLIMATE ALL MY IMPURE THOUGHTS

BY GOING INTO THE KITCHEN AND MAKING, UH,

AN ENDLESS STRING OF PERFECT CASSEROLES.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN

OURS IS BETTER.

I DON'T KNOW, IT ALL SEEMS KIND OF NICE TO ME.

WHAT DOES?

OH, YOU KNOW, FAMILIES HANGING TOGETHER,

I MEAN, UH, A WIFE COOKING DINNER FOR HER HUSBAND.

AND LOOK, SHE SEEMS REALLY HAPPY.

SHE'S MEDICATED.

AND ACTING FROM A SCRIPT.

WRITTEN BY A MAN.

WELL SAID, SISTER SUFFRAGETTE.

WHAT IF SHE LIKES MAKING DOUGHNUTS AND DINNER FOR HER FAMILY

AND KEEPING THINGS NICE FOR THEM AND...

[T.V. playing]

OK, I FEEL VERY UNPOPULAR RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, DEAR, THE FIRST 10 YEARS WE WERE MARRIED,

I WAS UPSET WHEN YOU CAME HOME LATE FOR DINNER.

THEN YOU'RE NOT ANYMORE?

NO. YOU ARE NO LONGER LATE FOR DINNER.

YOU'RE JUST EXTREMELY EARLY FOR BREAKFAST.

VOILA! YOUR BREAKFAST.

HEY, I'M NOT SAYIN' A WORD.