DAVID: Over and over again, I feel like I've met the right

woman, only to have it turn to dust, like ashes in my mouth.

MALE SPEAKER: Gosh, David, that really sucks, man.

I feel for you.

DAVID: Every year that goes by, I just feel like my

options are dwindling.

People are getting married or-- the-- the pool of

available women's getting smaller and smaller.

MALE SPEAKER: Amen to that, brother.

DAVID: I don't even know if I have the capacity to open my

heart to another person anymore.

ZANDI: David, that is just crazy talk.

I mean, that is so far in the future, why

even worry about it?

DAVID: The future is coming pretty damn fast.

I mean, in four years, I'm going to be 41 years old.

The year's going to be 2011.

I mean, what's life going to be like when I'm 41 years old?

[ECHO]

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

FEMALE SPEAKER: It's David.

Older David Wain caught the bouquet.

MALE SPEAKER: Oh, huzzah!

FEMALE SPEAKER: Can I see it?

DAVID: Geh!

ZANDI: Come on, David, everybody's dancing.

They're playing some great oldies from 2007.

You remember 2007, when we still use to use email.

[LAUGHING]

DAVID: I don't dance anymore, Zandi.

I don't dare risk my heart being hurt.

ZANDI: Oh, come on, David, it'll be just like old times.

DAVID: Things are different now, Zandi.

I have everything I need to be happy alone--

my subscription to Atlantic Monthly comes every week.

ZANDI: Oh, what do you say?

Just one song.

DAVID: Leave me alone, Zandi.

You're zuffocating me.

ZANDI: Have it your way, old man.

God.

MATT: Hey, there, you old fart.

What are you doing just sitting here?

DAVID: Minding my own beeswax, which is maybe what all of

y'all should do.

MATT: Can't you tell that Zandi's in love with you?

DAVID: It's not 2007 anymore, Matt.

It's 2011.

My-- my heart is hardened.

It's like one of those shellacked hearts at the

Bodies Exhibit, except, of course, that it isn't from a

Chinese vagrant.

Hey, are--

are you familiar with a type of glue called Liquid Nails?

It's what my heart's like-- you know, very, very hard.

MATT: David, I want you to drive home safe in your 2012

Honda Civic.

Now, I know it's only 2011, but the 2012 models are

already out.

Before you know it, you'll be dead.

[ECHO]

DAVID: It's not over yet.

There's still a chance for me.

I'm going to meet a girl one day, and when I do, I am not

gonna let her go.

Now, come on, DJ, let's kick out some of those jams.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ZANDI: Oh, wow.

ZANDI: Oh.

DAVID: Don't get nervous.

It's just your boyfriend.

Hi.

ZANDI: Hi.

DAVID: You know, I was talking to your father before, and

it's ironic.

I mean, here I was, week after week, one crazy girl after

another, and all this time, you were there in the next

sewing machine over.

Now, here we are, together, and I'm completely

in love with you.

ZANDI: [SIGHING]

That is ironic.

DAVID: The heart is a resilient little

muscle, isn't it?

ZANDI: David?

DAVID: Yeah.

ZANDI: I'm pregnant.