My name is Russell and assisting me today will be Xanax and Zoloft.

我是 Russell ，今天輔助我的是贊安諾和樂復得 (安眠鎮定及抗憂鬱藥物) 。

I'm here for your safety and they're here for my comfort.

我在這裡保障你們的安全，它們則負責讓我開心。

I'm doing the safety demo knowing full well you're all ignoring me.

我正在做安全設備示範，而我很清楚你們完全沒在聽。

I might as well be doing the Macarena.

我還不如乾脆跳瑪卡蓮娜算了。

There's absolutely no way that that's gonna fit in the overhead compartment, but I'm gonna watch you try anyway.

我很清楚那絕對不可能放得進上方行李架裡，但我就是要站在這要看你掙扎。

I'm not a bartender, so I will not be granting you a Bloody Mary with Worcestershire sauce.

我不是酒保，所以我可不會幫你調杯裡面有伍茲特辣醬油的血腥瑪麗。

Oh, is this your newborn's first time flying?

噢，這是你的新生兒第一次搭飛機？

How could you do that to us?

你怎能這樣對待我們呢？

There's no turbulence.

其實沒有亂流。

I just turned on the seat belt sign because I want you to stay the hell out of my way.

我之所以打開繫上安全帶指示燈，只是因為我希望你留在位置上別來煩我。

Diet soda takes forever to pour.

健怡汽水倒起來花太多時間。

Here's a regular one.

這是一般汽水。

You won't know the difference.

你不會知道差別的。

Pressing the call button repeatedly isn't gonna make me tend to you any faster.

重複地按服務鈴不會讓我快點服務你。

In fact, it's gonna make me go slower.

實際上，只會讓我去得更慢。

When I said I would check your bag, that was a courtesy, but you were rude so now it's going to Baltimore.

當我說我要替你托運行李那只是出於情理上的好意，而因為你很沒禮貌，所以你的行李準備被送去巴爾的摩吧。

You know that vodka we just ran out of?

我說我們伏特加用完了。

We use it to make crew juice in the galley.

因為我們用它來調製成員工飲料了。

Go ahead, tug my skirt one more time.

來呀，再拉我的裙子。

I dare you.

你有膽試試看。

I said pretzels or peanuts.

我說蝴蝶脆餅「或」花生。

This isn't an all you can eat buffet, honey.

這裡不是吃到飽餐廳，親愛的。

I have no idea where we're flying over right now.

我根本不知道我們現在正飛到哪。

So I'll just say the Bahamas.

所以我隨口說巴哈馬群島。

Since you blatantly ignored the seat belt sign, I hope the turbulence knocks you on your ass.

既然你公然地忽視安全帶燈號，我希望亂流把你整慘。

Oh, you think I'm coming through the cabin to pick up your trash?

噢，你以為我穿越客艙是為了幫你收垃圾？

No, I'm crop-dusting.

不，我是來「噴農藥」的。

Enjoy smelling my farts.

享受我的屁味吧。