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  • Excuse me, sir. Exactly what, uh, type of service...

  • Does this company provide ?

  • You get to be john malkovich for 15 minutes.

  • Two hundred clams.

  • I see.

  • No cutting, by the way. No cutting ! Hey, what the hell ?

  • [ angry shouting ]

  • Ah ! Ow !

  • Come on ! Break it up ! Break it up ! Cut it out !

  • - Everybody gets-- - [ man ] it's him. It's john malkovich.

  • I'm sorry, mr. Malkovich. I hope we didn't hurt you too terribly.

  • Get inside !

  • - Darling ! - What the fuck is going on ?

  • [ craig ] uh, uh, john malkovich. Huh ?

  • Mr. Malkovich, sir. Uh, um--

  • - Mr. Malkovich, I think I can explain. - Yeah, explain.

  • My name is craig schwartz,

  • And we operate a little business here...

  • That simulates, for our clientele, well, the--

  • The experience of--

  • Of-- of being you, actually.

  • - Simulates ? - Yeah, after a fashion.

  • - What exactly does that mean ? - Well, it's hard to describe.

  • I want to do it then. That would pale in comparison to the actual experience.

  • - I want to do it ! - Right now mr. Hiroshi's in the tube--

  • - Let him do it, craig. - Of course.

  • Right this way, mr. Malkovich, compliments of the house.

  • [ whispers ] jesus.

  • What happens when a man goes through his own portal ?

  • We'll see.

  • [ panting ]

Excuse me, sir. Exactly what, uh, type of service...

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