It is true,

I lost the presidential election in 2012 to Mr. Barack Obama.

But that is only because I thought the world was ending,

So I withdrew from the election and hid under a rock on top of me.

But now in 2016,

It is finally time for me to formally announce to the country,

No, the world.

No, the entire city!

That I, Ryan Higa, will once again be running

Four (for) kilometers down the road to the registrations office,

Where I will fill out all my information,

To run for president, again!

No, thank you for having me.

Hi, I'm Ryan Higa.

And today I'm going to show you how easy it is to run for president by example.

After 5 simple lessons, you'll have all the tools necessary to run for president.

Including your own campaign slogan.

Which in my opinion is the most important part.

You know which slogans I'm talking about.

Hillary Clinton has "Fighting for us".

Donald Trump says "Make America great again.

As for myself, I don't have one yet.

But by the end of this video, not only will I have a good campaign slogan,

But a slogan that is better than all the other candidates' slogans put together

So let's get started.

The first lesson in running for president:

You gotta be able to answer all the tough questions.

For me, answering tough questions is nothing new.

Not only have I answered tough questions.

I've answered some of life's toughest questions.

Such as

They were both first the chicken was inside of the egg.

Yes, Justin, it is in fact too late to say you are sorry.

No, no, no. The sum is 19.

Unless you're 19 and you still think 21 is a funny answer.

No, Frozen 2 does not come out for another 2 years.

Well, yes. It does make you look a little fat.

What, you asked for honesty.

Wh- Why would you even ask me if you expected a certain answer ?

We're just going to the movie theatres why do you even need a dress in the first place ?

Can we please just go ?

Thank you !

Now what do you wanna go see ?

I just told you it doesn't come out for 2 years, Justin !

Now that you can answer all the tough questions,

You are now ready for lesson 2.

Addressing the big issues.

Every election, candidates are always asked about the same big issues.

Education, gun control, North Korea.

All you have to do is talk about those big issues

And give your very own solutions.

The current "no child left behind" act pushes struggling kids forward

And I personally think that is absolutely immoral and wrong.

When there's someone in your group who is slow or disadvantaged

And they're falling behind you and your group

Do you go and push that member forward ?

Absolutely not ! You slow down and you wait for them

Because that's what's right

I plan to abolish the no child left behind act and establish the no child running ahead act

Where we will never push a struggling student

Instead we will slow down the ones that excell

Not only will we protect South Korea

But East and West Korea as well

And every other direction in between

We're still not sure which side North East Korea is on

But thank's to my future vice president Kanye

We know that we have North West on our side

Some people believe that guns kill people

Others believe that people kill people

But I've always believed that people kill guns

And just like pets have protection with PETA

I plan to start Gunna

Where you can have a gun

But if you abuse it in any way

We're gonna kill you

Every good politician knows that if you make the people afraid of something

They'll look to you to fix it

Look at what Donald Trump did for example

With all the recent bombings and terrorism going on

He made the people fear muslims

And Donald Trump says he wants to ban all the muslims from our country

Now I completely disagree with that but I do believe in freedom of speech

So when I become president Donald Trump can still say whatever he wants

But I'm going to make it mandatory for him to have a muzzle on

That's right we are going to muzzle him

And he will henceforth be known as a muzzle-im

You see what Trump did wrong is that banning all muslims is unrealistic

The fear that you introduce needs to be something believable

Something the people can relate to

Something real

Washing machines ! Not everyone has one

But for the ones that do

I'm here to tell you

That in 2017 all washing machines will come to life

And there will be a war

Not just for America but all of humanity

And I know this because I am from the future

Even if you can't keep them you have to make promises of things you would change if you become president

And these promises just need to be things that everybody would be happy with

All future award shows will be only hosted by Steve Harvey

Anyone who says the word Hello

Will no longer be able to follow it up with "it's me" or "I was wondering"

Anyone who writes articles that list things

Must put the entire list on that one page

Rather than putting a bunch of the things listed on different pages

So you have to keep clicking "next page"

All sports will be renamed more accurately to what they look like

Basketball shall be known as bouncy oranges

American footbal shall be called organic egg toss

Tennis will be known as spiderweb slapstick

And most importantly

International football or American soccer

Will no longer be called either

But instead a combination of the two names football and soccer

Put together to create a more accurate title

Known as flopper

Can we get somebody to fix that fireplace ?

There we go.

And last, but not least:

Your campaign.

Now this is probably the most important one because this is what wins the elections

It doesn't really matter what you plan to do or what you plan to change if you have a good campaign

And most importantly - I've mentioned it before:

You gotta have a good slogan

I can fix it

From hope to higher ground

I am fighting for you democrats

Make America great again

My name is Ryan Higa

And today I need all of you

To help me

Find

My

Speech !

It's uh- I think it may have fell out of my pocket on the way in

So the front row if you guys could check

I actually can't start without it so if you guys could all pitch in

We could do this a lot quicker

Anyone ?

I found it !

See ? Wouldn't want to be choking on this

Can't be president if I'm dead right ?

Alright, where were we ?

Yes, I may have lost the presidential election in 2012

And yes, I may have lost the Teen Choice awards in 2015

And yes, I may have even lost my iPhone in an Uber 2 weeks ago

But there is one thing I will not lose

This election !

I know there's a lot of other candidates who have their own visions for this country

Well not only is my slogan better than all of their slogans combined

But I have something they don't have

More YouTube subscribers !

Even though 60% of those subscribers aren't old enough to vote yet

And 40% can't vote because they are from a different country

That still leaves the rest of you

And together we can do it !

A new American leader from the future to defeat the washing machines in a fight for America again

I'm Ryan Higa and I don't approve any of this sh-

So thank you guys again so much for watching

If you want to see the previous video click the one on the right

If you want to see bloopers and behind the scenes

Click the one on the left

And remember people

I need you help in order to win this campaign

I need all of you to keep hashtagging the hashtag

#Higa2016

And together we can defeat the washing machines

And make this country Washing Mac-free