Well...

uh, January 20th. Yes.

Someplace off--I don't even remember.

Up in the DMZ.

Walked into a whole battalion of them.

Got shot in the foot.

I got up like I was...

back in the woods again,

like I was John fuckin' Wayne,

emptying a mag, screaming, "Come on, Charlie!

Motherfucker, come on out, Charlie!"

Rat-tat-tat-tat.

I heard this crack above my right ear,

and I just felt my body...

drop out from under me.

Christ, I thought I was dead for sure.

Was the, uh...

How was the hospital?

It sucked.

I know.

Really bad.

I'll tell you something, Ronnie...

sometimes at night...

I get these headaches, you know?

They're bad.

And, uh...

they just kind of come over me,

and these doctors don't know shit, you know.

They just come, like I'm going crazy or something.

I don't feel-- I don't feel like me anymore, you know?

I feel like-- When they come,

I feel like somebody else.

What do you do?

Nothing. Not a thing, you know?

Well...mostly I do a lot of drugs.

Do anything you can, you know?

Y-you get through it any way you can.

When I was in the hospital,

I thought, "Yeah. yeah, this makes sense."

What makes sense?

'Cause I failed, Timmy.

What are you talking about?

'Cause I...

'Cause I killed someone-- some people. I--

I made some terrible...

mistakes.

Ronnie, we all made mistakes. I mean, you...

you had no choice.

Those pansy demonstrators

will never understand.

Don't talk about it.

It was insane over there.

Sometimes I wish-- I wish I'd--

When I got shot in the foot,

I could have laid down.

Who gives a fuck now if I was a hero or not?

I was paralyzed, castrated that day. Why?

'Cause I was so s-- stupid.

I'd have my dick and my balls now, and I think--

I think, Timmy, I'd give everything I believe in,

everything I got-- all my values

just to have my body again,

just to be whole again.

But I'm not whole.

I never will be, and that's...

the way it is, isn't it?

For Christ's sake, Ronnie...

it's your birthday.

You're alive.

You made it.

Smile.