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- People come up to me all the time
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and ask me the same question over and over again.
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"Will you marry me?" And another question they ask is
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"Why don't you have kids?"
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And I love kids, I really do.
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I love babies, I love kids.
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They're cute, they're funny, they're sweet,
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but sometimes I'll see a picture it reminds me of why
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I don't have kids, and it gave me an idea for a new segment
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that I'm calling "Why I Don't Have Kids."
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All right, this first one is from an Instagram account
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called Kids Are the Worst.
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[laughter]
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Ugh.
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That's a screwdriver in her hand,
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and she just carved, "I love my dad,"
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right into his car.
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That's a sweet sentiment, it really is.
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You should see what she did-- did you see what she did
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for Mother's Day?
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Mm. [laughter]
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Yeah.
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This next one was sent in by Kenny Roberts
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from La Crescenta, California.
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Oh.
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But she's cute. She's part--
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I think she's half-Italian, half-terrier.
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By the way, both of those kids are up for immediate adoption.
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This is from an Instagram account
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called Moms Who Need Wine.
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Well, first of all, don't all moms need wine?
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I don't know.
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This is what they posted.
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[laughter]
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Mm.
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- Mm-mm. - No.
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It truly sucks to be a little brother.
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Nothing's gonna come out of there
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no matter how much they do that.
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This last one was sent in from Nikos Carly
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from Studio City, California.
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You know, who leaves kids with a bucket of paint?
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"Mommy's gonna run out to the store now,
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so here's some paint."
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Ah, this is why I love that you have kids and I don't.
