HAVE MADE FOR NEWS TODAY BUT WITH

GOOD CAUSE. WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM JACKING OFF FOR ANY

REASON, NO, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS IN CONNECTION WITH HIS

CRUSADE EARLY IN HIS CAREER TO DEFEND A BAN IN TEXAS ON THE

SALE OF DILDOS AND OTHER

SELF-LOVE ACCESSORIES. WE WANT TO GIVE YOU THE BACKGROUND ON

THAT CASE BECAUSE IT LEADS INTO WHY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HIM

WHACKING OFF TODAY. ONE, I WOULD SAY, FUCK YOU, IF I WANT TO OWN

A DILDO I WILL OWN ONE. I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE HIV, IF I WANT TO

HAVE A DILDO I AM GOING TO WANT

ONE. WHAT RIGHT IS IT OF YOURS TO SAY I CAN'T HAVE ONE?

>> JOHN, YOU ARE FREE TO OWN A DILDO.

YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF IT.

>>THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL.

>> IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE ONE, I SUPPORT YOU.

>> IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU CAN STIMULATE YOUR GENITALS

ALL YOU WANT. BUT NOT WHEN YOU ARE ALONE, WHICH IS WHEN YOU

NEED THEM THE MOST IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. THEY GO ON

AND GIVE A BUNCH OF OTHER GREAT

REASONS WHY IT IS NOT IN THE GOVERNMENT'S INTEREST TO

STOP DILDOS FROM BEING SOLD.

>> IS IT TED CRUZ'S INTEREST TO BAN ALL DILDOS WHEN HE IS IN

FACT A

DILDO HIMSELF? WHAT KIND OF STRANGE LEGISLATION WITH A DILDO

DOES HE SUPPORT? I FEEL LIKE TED CRUZ, FOR SOMEONE WHO CONSIDERS

THEMSELVES MORAL, SPENT A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT DILDOS.

>>HE IS THE LATEST WHO WANTS TO CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR

SEXUALITY, ESPECIALLY THE SEXUALITY THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE

HAVING INTERCOURSE. SANTORUM WANTS TO OUTLAW PORN. HE DOESN'T

THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO RABBITS, OR DILDOS.

>>BUTT PLUGS. ANAL BEADS. WHAT ABOUT LUBRICANT?

>> WHAT ABOUT CONDOMS, OR FLAVORED CONDOMS?

>> NO SEX SWINGS.

>> SO, WHY IN THE END ARE WE TALKING ABOUT TED CRUZ'

PRACTICES? I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIS PRIVATE LIFE,

THANKFULLY. BUT I WOKE UP TO THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T

KNOW.

>>DAMN. HE LIKES TO STIMULATE HIS GENITALS.

>>OH, SHIT. HE WENT TO SAY THAT TED CRUZ USES HIS PILLOW FOR

MASTURBATORY REASONS. AND THERE

IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF HIM,

BECAUSE TED CRUZ IS A BAD GUY. BUT THERE IS ACTUALLY

NOTHING WRONG ABOUT HUMPING YOUR

PILLOW NIGHT AFTER NIGHT THE WAY TED CRUZ DID THROUGHOUT HIS

UNDERGRAD CAREER. THIS IS THE EYEWITNESS TESTIMONY OF HIS

COLLEGE ROOMMATE. TO BE FAIR, FROM WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE

NEWSROOM YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO

HAVE TWO SOURCES. PRESUMABLY THE SECOND SOURCE WOULD BE THE

PILLOW, BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE

WAS NOT MUCH LEFT OF IT.

AGAIN, HE IS A BAD GUY SO WE GET TO MAKE FUN OF HIM.

>> IT IS JUST SO INCREDIBLE HOW MUCH CONSERVATIVES ARE OBSESSING

OVER OUR SEXUAL HABITS, ESPECIALLY HABITS THAT DON'T

HARM ANYONE AND ACTUALLY DO LEAD TO GOOD THINGS. MASTURBATION IS

NOT ONLY A NATURAL THING, IT LEADS TO A LOT OF STRESS RELIEF,

IT HELPS PEOPLE SLEEP. THERE IS A LOT OF RESEARCH ON THIS. I

KNOW I AM TRYING TO REASON WITH

LUNATICS, BUT HOW DO THEY TALK ABOUT THEIR MORALITY AND

HOW GREAT THEY ARE WHEN THEY ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY OBSESSING OVER

THE SEXUAL HABITS OF OTHER

PEOPLE. I DON'T THINK ABOUT THE SEXUAL HABITS OF OTHERS, UNLESS

I WANT TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL HABITS WITH THEM. OTHERWISE I

DON'T CARE. YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE? GO-AHEAD. YOU

WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A PERSON THAT IS THE SAME SEX AS YOU, BY

ALL MEANS HAVE A GREAT TIME.

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. AS LONG AS

NO ONE IS BEING HARMED IN THE PROCESS, OUR LEGISLATORS SHOULD

NOT BE SPENDING ANY TIME DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT

THEY SHOULD OUTLAW THESE THINGS.

IT IS INSANE.

>> THE REASON WHY HE BRINGS IT UP IS BECAUSE HE IS A

PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER. BUT

ALSO, IN A TOWNHOME HE SAID THAT I DON'T THINK THAT AS A

CHRISTIAN YOU SHOULD WEAR YOUR

RELIGION ON YOUR SLEEVE WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING. BUT YOU ARE TRYING

TO ENFORCE LAWS THAT ARE BASED

OFF NOTHING OTHER THAN A PARTICULAR EXTREME THING THAT

YOU THINK IS IN THE BIBLE THAT

IS NOT REALLY IN THERE. WHEN THEIR POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY IS

SUPPOSEDLY FOUNDED ON -THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD NOT GET

INVOLVED WITH YOUR PRIVATE LIFE. WE OCCASIONALLY USE THE EXAMPLE

OF REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS. I UNDERSTAND, SOME PEOPLE DON'T

FIND THAT CONVINCING BECAUSE THEY THINK MORALY THE BABY

REPRESENTS ANOTHER PERSON. I GET IT. IN THIS CASE, FROM THE

INITIAL DESIGN OF A NEW BUTT

PLUG, TO ITS MANUFACTURE, TO ITS DISTRIBUTION IN SALE, TO

TRANSPORTING IT HOME, AND TO SHOVING IT INSIDE OF YOURSELF,

AT

WHAT POINT DOES THE GOVERNMENT HAVE ANY NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN

THAT PROCESS?

IF THEY ARE INVOLVED IN THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU AND

YOUR

SEX TOY, THERE

IS

NOTHING

THE GOVERNMENT CANNOT GET

INVOLVED IN.

>> I'M CURIOUS ABOUT THEM SPECIFICALLY GOING AFTER SEX

TOYS THAT ARE USED BY WOMEN,

DILDOS,

ñ IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THESE LAWS ARE GEARED TOWARDS WOMEN.

>>OR GAY MEN.

>> SO, WAS THERE ANY LANGUAGE IN THE LEGISLATION PERTAINING TO

MEN? WAS THERE A BAN ON COCK RINGS FOR INSTANCE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THEY REALLY CARED SO MUCH ABOUT MALE

MASTURBATION. HOW COULD HE IF HE WAS MASTURBATING HIMSELF WITH

OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM?

>> THAT IS JUST RUDE.

>>EXTREMELY, AND DISGUSTING. I HEAR GUYS DO THAT THOUGH.

>>YOU MEAN YOU HEAR TELL? I HAVE NOT HEARD THAT SAME THING, BUT I

GUESS I WENT TO A STRAIGHT EDGE

COLLEGE.

>> THE MALE CIRCLE JERK HAPPENS DURING THE FIRST HOUR OF THE

POWER PANEL ON FRIDAYS, BUT ANYWAY. I AM SERIOUSLY JOKING,

SORT OF. I DO WANT TO BRING UP, THE WAY THAT THIS MAKES THESE

LEGISLATORS SEEM OR LOOK IS THAT THEY FEEL AS THOUGH SEX TOYS ARE

COMPETITION, AND THEY ARE AFRAID BY IT, AND THEY WANT IT

OUTLAWED.

WHY WOULD I ALLOW THESE WOMEN TO HAVE VIBRATORS WHEN THEY WILL

GET OFF BY USING THESE

VIBRATORS?

>> WE DON'T WANT THEM TO BE ABLE TO JUST ENJOY SEX OR THINK THEY

SHOULD ENJOY IT. OBVIOUSLY WE LIKE TALKING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE

IT IS FUN TO MAKE FUN OF TED CRUZ. THEY RAN UNDERCOVER

STINGS BECAUSE WOMEN WOULD HAVE THESE GET-TOGETHERS, LIKE A

TUPPERWARE SALE, CALLED PASSION

PARTIES, THEY WOULD GET TOGETHER AND SELL EACH OTHER THE SEX

TOYS. THEY WOULD ARREST AND LOCK

PEOPLE UP BASED ON THIS. MY LAST POINT IS, I LOVE THIS PICTURE IN

THE BACKGROUND. IT IS LIKE, GET OUT.