world a long time ago, but if there's one thing

you can be sure of--

JOHN: I wish you could really talk to me.

MALE SPEAKER: It's that nothing is more powerful than

a young boy's wish.

TED: You're my best friend, John.

I love you.

MALE SPEAKER: But eventually, everyone grows up.

TED: I'm taking Laurie to dinner.

You don't she's going to be expecting

something big, do you?

TED: It's been four years, Johnny.

You and me have been together for 27 years.

Where's my ring.

Huh?

Where's my ring?

Put it on my pudgy finger, and quit muttering.

Come on.

JOHN: Knock it off.

TED: All right, I'm just saying.

JOHN: Man.

TED: That's my bad.

I was sending a tweet.

MALE SPEAKER: John.

Hi Thomas, how are you?

[CAR ALARM]

LAURIE: Baby, please ask Ted to move out so we can move on

with our lives.

JOHN: I'm not that psyched to just, like, kick him out.

LAURIE: Oh.

TED: Laurie.

Hey, you're home early.

LAURIE: Who are these girls?

TED: Oh, my god.

Where are my manners?

Laurie, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Cherine, and

Sauvignon Blanc.

I swear to god, her name is Soven Yanblanc.

Show her your Chevron card.

JOHN: Ted, you gotta move out.

I'll help you get on your feet out there, I promise.

TED: Bring it in, you bastard.

Come on. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I love you.

Sorry, that's the--

JOHN: Oh.

TED: The thing.

JOHN: The old--

TED: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JOHN: Yeah, I know.

I know.

TED: I met a girl.

JOHN: Nice.

TED: She's a cashier.

Know what I like to do to her?

Something I call a dirty Fozzy.

TED: Down here.

Not looking up your towel.

Swear to god.

Not looking at your funny business.

JOHN: Sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when

I was eight years old.

I wish I'd just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.

[SHOUTING]

TED: Why are you crying?

JOHN: My junk is squished by the TV.

TED: I look stupid.

JOHN: No you don't.

You look dapper.

TED: John, I look like something you give to your kid

when you tell him grandma died.