- Hi ladies, I brought the bagels

嗨，姊妹們，我帶了貝果

for the book club this afternoon.

下午讀書會可以吃

- Oh, of course you did.

噢，你真好

- Morgan, I hope you're bringing your famous

摩根，我希望禮拜四的烘培市集上

blueberry muffins for the bake sale on Thursday.

你會帶你最拿手的藍莓鬆餅

- Of course I am, but I'm gonna do them as cranberry

噢，當然囉，但我要改用蔓越莓

because blueberries are out of season

因為藍莓產季已經過了

and I don't need pesticides in all those kids.

我可不想讓孩子們吃到殺蟲劑

- Fine.

好吧

So ladies, I'm looking for volunteers

我最近在找洗車基金募款活動上

to bring juice boxes for the car wash fund raiser.

戴果汁來的人

- Oh, I'll bring some raw milk, cheese hemp seed smoothies.

噢，我會帶鮮奶還有起司大麻籽奶昔

Much healthier, no sugar.

這樣比較健康，完全無糖

- Sounds disgusting.

聽起來很噁心

- I'm gonna transcend that comment right now.

我要轉移話題了

I've been meaning to tell you guys

我一直想跟你們說

this morning Arachnid said he didn't want to nurse,

今天早上Arachnid說他不想被當成寶寶

I think he's weaning.

我覺得他要離開我了

I don't think I'm ready for it.

我還沒準備好面對這一切

- Isn't Arachnid in third grade?

Arachnid不是才三年級嗎？

- Yeah.

對阿

- You know what though,

你們知道嗎

I've done a ton of research on breastfeeding

我研究過餵母乳這件事

and actually in most countries it is totally common

其實大多數國家的媽媽

for moms not to wean until six, seven years old.

到寶寶六、七歲才斷奶都算是常見的

I'm gonna send you guys all a link to Doctor Sear's website

我會寄席爾醫生的網站連結給你們

because every parent should read what he's has to say.

因為他說的話對父母來說很受用

- Oh god, we don't have a computer.

噢天啊，我們沒有電腦

No, we got her a typewriter.

不，我們買給她一部打字機

It's just really important to us

我們覺得嚴格控制她成長過程中

that she's raised strictly authentic.

接觸真實的事物非常重要

Like, she's only listened to vinyl,

像是，她只能用老式黑膠唱機聽歌

none of that MP3 processed stuff.

不能用什麼MP3

- I'm here, I'm here.

我到了，我到了

What day is it today?

今天是禮拜幾啊？

Oh my god, I locked my keys in my car.

噢天啊，我把鑰匙鎖在車上了

I'm here, I'm here.

我到了我到了

Wait is it Tuesday?

等等，今天是禮拜二嗎？

Is it soccer practice?

今天有足球練習嗎？

No, book club.

不，是讀書會

Oh, was it my day to bring the bagels?

噢，今天輪到我帶貝果了嗎?

- No, no I've got the bagels.

不，我帶了

- Oh thank god.

噢，謝天謝地

- But you have something on your shirt.

但你衣服上沾到東西了

- Poop or chocolate, poop or chocolate...

是大便還是巧克力..是大便還是巧克力..

No one knows.

很難分辨

Chocolate.

是巧克力！

Thank god, last time it was poop.

謝天謝地，上次是沾到大便

Oh, good protein though.

不過那算是好的蛋白質

You know what Karen,

凱倫，你知道嗎

you're a real bitch for bringing those bagels.

你居然帶了貝果，你真的很賤欸

You knew I was gonna forget 'em.

你早就知道我會忘記帶

It's not my fault your child can't eat gluten.

你的孩子不能吃麩質食品不是我的錯