- Hi ladies, I brought the bagels

for the book club this afternoon.

- Oh, of course you did.

- Morgan, I hope you're bringing your famous

blueberry muffins for the bake sale on Thursday.

- Of course I am, but I'm gonna do them as cranberry

because blueberries are out of season

and I don't need pesticides in all those kids.

- Fine.

So ladies, I'm looking for volunteers

to bring juice boxes for the car wash fund raiser.

- Oh, I'll bring some raw milk, cheese hemp seed smoothies.

Much healthier, no sugar.

- Sounds disgusting.

- I'm gonna transcend that comment right now.

I've been meaning to tell you guys

this morning Arachnid said he didn't want to nurse,

I think he's weaning.

I don't think I'm ready for it.

- Isn't Arachnid in third grade?

- Yeah.

- You know what though,

I've done a ton of research on breastfeeding

and actually in most countries it is totally common

for moms not to wean until six, seven years old.

I'm gonna send you guys all a link to Doctor Sear's website

because every parent should read what he's has to say.

- Oh god, we don't have a computer.

No, we got her a typewriter.

It's just really important to us

that she's raised strictly authentic.

Like, she's only listened to vinyl,

none of that MP3 processed stuff.

- I'm here, I'm here.

What day is it today?

Oh my god, I locked my keys in my car.

I'm here, I'm here.

Wait is it Tuesday?

Is it soccer practice?

No, book club.

Oh, was it my day to bring the bagels?

- No, no I've got the bagels.

- Oh thank god.

- But you have something on your shirt.

- Poop or chocolate, poop or chocolate...

No one knows.

Chocolate.

Thank god, last time it was poop.

Oh, good protein though.

You know what Karen,

you're a real bitch for bringing those bagels.

You knew I was gonna forget 'em.

It's not my fault your child can't eat gluten.