A week ago I asked if we could talk, and you penciled me in.

一週前，我說我們需要談談，所以你安排了這頓晚餐。

You can tell something is wrong, and I can tell you know something is wrong, but neither of us are going to say anything.

你察覺到事情有些不對勁，而我也知道你察覺到了事情的不對勁，但我們都沒有說出口。

I'm late, as usual.

我像往常一樣遲到了。

You give me a hug and a kiss and you can tell I'm nervous from how quickly I let go.

你給了我一個擁抱和一個吻，但你可以透過我放開你的速度，感覺到我的緊張。

I'm immediately annoyed at how far we are sitting from one another, but also kinda grateful for how far we are sitting from one another, 'cause I don't know if I could say this up close.

我馬上感到有些惱怒，抱怨為什麼我們的座位離得那麼遠，但同時又很感激我們坐遠遠的，因為，距離你近一點，有些話就說不出口了。

I skim the menu and ask you how your day was, trying to avoid eye contact.

我瀏覽了菜單，問你今天過得如何，一邊試著避免眼神接觸。

You talk about nothing but work as per usual, and you don't ask me about my day.

和往常一樣，你滔滔講著你的生意經，你從來不問我過得好不好。

As per usual.

跟往常一樣。

Recognizing that this is getting awkward, I say, do you want a drink.

覺得氣氛好像有點尷尬，我說，你要不要喝點什麼。

I'm trying to break the tension, but I could also just really use a drink right now.

我試著緩和緊繃的氣氛，或者我現在只是很需要來一杯。

When I think about what you look like, I remember you no closer than eight feet away, looking at your phone on your way out the door to go do something that isn't spending time with me.

事後，當我想起你，我只記得你離我不到兩公尺，卻還是盯著你的手機，心裡想著要離開，去做些沒有我在身邊的事情。

But right now, when you're right in front of me, you're leaning in in the first time in forever, asking what's wrong without saying words.

但是，現在你是在我面前的，你頭一次將身體往前傾向我，問我怎麼不發一語。

More present than you've ever been, this just got a lot harder.

原來你是真實存在我面前的，這一切，要我怎麼說出口。

Suddenly I remember the moment we met, when you looked at me the way you're looking at me now.

忽然間，我想起我們邂逅的那一刻，你現在望向我的眼神，就跟當時一樣。

With the kindest eyes I've ever seen.

一雙世上最溫暖的眼眸。

That stopped me in my tracks.

硬生生阻止了我接下來想吐露的心聲。

This is the moment I almost get cold feet.

這時，我差點放棄了。

But before those eyes can stop me again, I look down on my drink and say, "I think we should break up."

趁著那雙眼還沒來得及再次阻止我，我低頭看著飲料說，「我覺得我們應該分手。」

You go silent as your eyes scan every inch of my face, trying to get a grip on what I just said.

你沉默，眼神掃視著我的臉龐，試著理解我剛剛說的話。

Damn it, you're beautiful, even when you're in shock.

可惡，即便在震驚中，你還是如此美麗。

You open your mouth like you're about to say something, and close it again, unsure of what to say.

你張開嘴，似乎要說些什麼，但欲言又止，不確定該如何回覆。

And now my heart is sinking,

而我的心，正在沉淪著。

'cause now I'm remembering all of the reasons I fell for you in the first place.

因為現在我想起了，當初我會愛上你的每一個原因。

All the memories and moments that made me put this off as long as I did.

每份足以阻止我說出這些話的回憶和感動，即便我已經說出口了。

And now we're sitting here staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, and finally my anxiety boils up out of me.

而現在我們坐在這兒，看著彼此，感覺就像永恆一般，而焦慮終於使我爆發了。

"Are you gonna say anything?"

「你不是該說些什麼嗎？」

And at last you break eye contact, look down and whisper, "I don't know what to say."

終於，你別開眼神，低著頭，輕聲說，「我不知道該說什麼。」

And I whisper back, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blindsided you like this."

我輕輕地回應，「對不起。我不應該將你蒙在鼓裡。」

Now this is the loudest moment of silence I have ever sat through.

緊接著，我有生以來經歷過最吵鬧的沉默壟罩著我們。

Like you wouldn't give me the time of day.

就像是你不肯撥出時間陪我。

I had to schedule our break up a week in advance, and you lean back and say, no, I understand.

我連分手都要提前一個禮拜跟你預約，而你將身體向後傾，說：「別說了，我知道。」

But you didn't reply to my texts, I got one word answers.

但你都不認真回我的簡訊，只會回個隻字片語。

I was skipping meals so we could eat together.

我不吃午餐，就只為了能和你共進晚餐。

Sorry if I got tired of waiting.

真是抱歉，但我受夠了等待。

And you look back at me and say, "I'm sorry, I know I haven't been... I don't know."

而你看著我，說：「對不起，我知道我不是個 ... 我不知道。」

We talk for a while and call it a night.

我們有一搭沒一搭地聊著，結束了這晚。

You give me another hug and kiss me on the cheek

你給我了另一個擁抱，吻了我的臉頰。

the way you know I love, and this time, I don't wanna let go.

你記得我喜歡被這樣親吻，而這次，我不想放手。

I can't count how many times I've come back to this restaurant, at this table, with this waitress, and replayed that conversation in my head.

我已經數不清我多少次回到同樣的餐廳、同樣的座位，同樣的服務生，然後在我腦海裡一遍遍重播我們的對話。

Rewriting the things I wish I had said.

試圖改寫當時沒有說出的話。

Regretting the things I didn't give you a chance to say.

後悔沒有給你機會解釋。

Wishing I told you sooner that something was wrong,

希望我當初能早點跟你說，我們之間出了什麼問題。

and wondering if maybe you cared more than I thought.

而我又不禁想到，或許，你比我想像中的更關心我。

This is where we broke up.

這是我們分手的地方。

I guess I wish it had gone differently.

我想，我還是希望能夠有不同的結局。