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I couldn't wait to grow a beard.
我等不及要長鬍子
I felt like that was a true marker
我深深覺得那是
of what it meant to be a man.
身為一個男子漢的重要象徵
In part, probably 'cause my dad had a beard.
也或許是因為我爸也有鬍子
And aren't we all just trying to be our dads?
我們做兒子的,不都想和我們的爸爸一樣嗎?
Growing up, you always like question your masculinity.
長大後,你總是會對你的男子氣概有所疑問
I've definitely questioned my gender before.
我以前真的對我的性別有所疑惑
I've always felt like a man,
我一直覺得自己是男人
but not sure if I've always been like a manly man.
但是我不敢說,自己是個堂堂男子漢
I have been made to feel less than a man
在我大半的人生
for a good chunk of my life.
我一直覺得自己不像個男人
I started really questioning whether I was or not.
我開始質問自己是否是個男人
I tried fantasy football.
我試著踢過足球
I'm bad at it, I hate it,
我踢得不好,我恨它
but I felt like if I didn't participate
但我覺得,如果當時我沒有參與
in my school's fantasy football group,
校內的足球社團
that I wasn't a dude.
我就不是個男的
I had this pink salmon lunchbox that I really liked.
以前我有一個很喜歡的粉紅色午餐盒
I was made fun of it.
我被取笑了
Both boys and girls told me that I shouldn't have that,
不論男生女生都跟我說,我不應該有這個東西
and so, that was the last time I ever used that lunchbox.
因為這樣,從那之後我在有沒有用那個午餐盒了
My girlfriend's dad said I wasn't a real man.
我女友的爸對我說,我不是真男人
When he said that, he was referring to the fact
他當時這麼說,其實另有所指
that he didn't think that I could be the man of the house
他認為如果我要娶她的女兒
if I were to marry his daughter.
我還不能夠擔當日後家裡的男主人
You know it's those microaggressions and macroaggressions
就是「微侵略」,「宏侵略」這個東西
that constantly wear at you, that start making you question
一直疲勞轟炸你,你開始質疑
your right to be called a man.
你被稱為男人的權利
Different points of my life, I've been self-conscious
在我人生中,我有幾次意識到
of aspects of myself physically
我自己的生理
because I felt like it was an indication
我感覺到
that I wasn't man enough.
我不夠像個男人
Growing up a skinny kid, like definitely,
從小瘦得像根竹竿
felt a little weaker.
感覺自己有點弱
As a short guy, everyone has remarked at how small I am.
因為我身高不高,大家都注意到我有多小一隻
I'm kinda skinny and lanky and awkward.
我有點皮包骨、瘦瘦高高的,動作很笨拙
If I could change a part of my body,
如果可以改變我的身體構造
I'd definitely add some muscle mass.
我絕對要多長一點肌肉
Because muscles make a man.
有肌肉,就像個男人
A muscular man with a six pack is an ideal.
有六塊肌的肌肉是最好的
My physical form, I've worked really hard
為了我的身材,我一直很努力
for it to look this way.
要變成心目中的樣子
Getting stronger is amazing.
要變得強壯是件不得了的事
The muscles starting to form.
肌肉開始出現了
The look, the confidence.
外在和自信就顯露出來了
A real man, I guess, is anyone that identifies as a man
真男人,我自認為,就是一種自我認同
that is not imaginary.
不只是一種想像而已
If you take away all these societal expectations.
如果可以將社會期待拋諸腦後
Protects women.
例如要保護女人
Take up a lot of space.
要大塊兒
Needs to be tough.
一定要很粗獷
Can't cry.
有淚不輕彈
Cannot be gay.
不可以娘娘腔
You really don't have anything else
不用因為別人的價值觀
besides just someone that identifies as a guy.
來定義你是否是個男性
Because when we think too polemically about what makes a man or what makes a woman, we erase all of the like giant space of what makes a person.
當我們過於斤斤計較怎樣才像個男人,怎樣才像個女人,我們已經把「怎樣才像『人』」的定義與空間都抹滅掉了