(sigh)

(嘆氣)

- I guess I'll check Facebook?

我猜我會檢查Facebook?

(door opening)

(門被打開)

- Well, well, well.

好，好，好。

- Knock, knock.

敲，敲

- [Man In White Hat] Looks like somebody's

[戴白帽子的男人] 看來有人正在

checking Facebook, huh?

逛Facebook，對嗎?

- Oh my God, it's the Facebook algorithm.

我的天哪，是Facebook演算法。

- Who?

誰?

- They control everything, the feed,

他們控制每件事，動態。

what you see, what you don't see.

你所看的貼文，你所不看的貼文

- What's it to ya?

妳在幹嘛啊？

- Nothing.

沒甚麼。

I deleted my account, I swear.

我刪除我的帳號了，我發誓。

- Arf!

噢！

(whimpering)

(碎碎念)

- Goodbye, Siobhan.

再見，Siobhan。

- Hmm, this a nice place you got here.

恩，妳這個地方很不錯。

Oh, yeah, real nice place.

噢耶，真是個好地方。

- Thanks?

謝謝？

- Hey, do me a quick favor.

嘿，可以快速幫我一個忙嗎？

Take a look at this article.

看一下這篇文章。

- Strawberries are bad for you,

藍莓對你有害，

but not for the reasons you think？

但並非因為那些你想的原因?

- Yeah, what do you think of that?

對，你覺得這篇文章如何？

- It's okay?

還可以？

- Okay?

可以？

Are you sure you don't like it?

妳真得確定不喜歡這篇文章？

Be a real shame if you didn't like it.

真是羞恥妳竟然不喜歡這篇文章。

- I like it.

我喜歡。

I like it, it's good, I like it!

我喜歡，這篇文章很好，我喜歡！

- Oh, you hear that?

噢，你們有聽到嗎？

She likes it!

她喜歡這篇文章！

- She's a fan.

她是粉絲。

- [Man In White Hat] She likes the article.

[戴白帽的男子] 她喜歡這篇文章。

Well, if you like it so much,

恩，如果你這麼喜歡這篇文章，

here's a hundred more.

這邊還有數以百計的文章。

- Oh, my God!

噢，我的天！

That is so many articles.

這裡有好多篇文章。

- You're welcome.

不客氣。

- I don't...

我不......

Look, I just went on Facebook

聽著，我只是在Facebook 線上，

to see how my best friend from England is doing.

確認我還自英國的最好的朋友過的如何。

- Oh, your friend from England.

噢，你的朋友來自英國。

- [Man In White Hat] Friend from England.

[戴白帽的男子] 來自英國的朋友。

- Oh, is this your friend from England right here?

噢，這就是你來自英國的朋友嗎?

- Yeah.

對。

- Wow, very pretty girl.

哇，很漂亮的女孩。

You don't see her anymore!

妳再也見不到她了！

(laughter)

(大笑)

- [ Man In White Hat] Hey, ask her what else

[戴白帽的男子] 嘿，問問她其他的問題。

she wants to see, yeah?

她想看，對嗎?

- I'm going to, you idiot.

我正要這麼做，你這個笨蛋。

Excuse me,mademoiselle.

不好意思，小姐。

You have anything else you would like to view?

妳有任何其它想看的東西嗎？

- Um, my friend Rachel just had a baby.

呃，我的朋友芮秋剛生小孩。

- Oh, her friend Rachel.

噢，她的朋友芮秋阿。

- Her friend Rachel, wow.

她的朋友芮秋，哇。

She had a baby, okay.

她有個小孩，好。

You wanna see a picture of her baby?

妳想要看她小孩的照片嗎？

- Yes?

對？

- Okay, how bout a picture

好，那一張

of your high school bully's baby？

在高中霸凌妳的人的小孩的照片如何阿 ?

(laughing)

(大笑)

- I'm not even friends with her!

我甚至跟她不是朋友 ！

- Yes you are!

是，妳是！

- Oh, you friended her way back when

噢，妳在之前有加她好友，

and just forgot about it,

只是妳忘記了，

and we brought it up again for no reason.

我們會讓妳想起，不為任何理由。

- God, she looks just like her.

天哪，她就像她。

That's so many bad memories.

這裡面有好多壞的記憶。

- Hey, let me do it.

嘿，讓我這麼做好了。

I'm your friend, see.

我是妳的朋友，妳看。

I'll show you whatever you wanna see, see?

我會秀給妳任何妳想看的東西，懂嗎？

What d'ya wanna see?

妳想看甚麼呢？

- My friend Avery

我的朋友Avery

just got a puppy.

剛養了一隻小狗。

Maybe a video of the puppy?

或許小狗的影片？

- Okay.

好。

- Okay?

好？

- Okay.

好？

- Okay, okay.

好，好。

- But first, you gotta look at 50 articles

但首先，妳必須先看50篇文章

your friend's mother shared about mercury in vaccines.

妳朋友的媽媽分享有關疫苗中的汞。

- No!

不 ！

(laughing)

(大笑)

No, why, why are you doing this to me?

不，為什麼，你們為何這樣對我？

- Cause we're protecting you!

因為我們在保護妳！

- [Man In Gold Hat] Yeah, we're protecting you.

[帶金色帽子男人] 對，我們正在保護妳。

- I just wanna go back to the old linear timeline.

我只是想要回去舊的時序動態。

- [Man In White Hat] Hey, we all have wants.

[帶金色帽子的男人] 對，我們都有渴望。

And if you want people to be able to see

而如果妳想要別人能關注

your little YouTubes,

妳的小小YouTube平台，

you best throw us some dough, okay?

妳最好給我們一點錢，好嗎？

- Oh, no.

噢，不。

All right, we'll be back next week.

好了。我們下星期再 回來。

We'll see ya then.

到時候見。

Toodles.

再見。

(gasp)

(喘氣)

(door closing)

(門關起)

- Well, I guess I still have Instagram.

恩，我猜我還有Instagram。

(shouting)

(大叫)

- You didn't think it'd be that easy, huh?

妳不會認為事情有這麼簡單吧，蛤 ?

- Hi, I'm Siobhan from College Humor.

哈囉，我是來自幽默大學的Siobhan。

Click over here to subscribe,

點這裡來訂閱。

and click here for more fun stuff,

然後點這裡以獲得更多有趣的東西。

ya filthy animals.

骯髒的動物們。

I was abandoned in this office

我被父母親遺棄在這間辦公室。

when I was ten years old by my parents.

當我還只有10歲大時。

I've only eaten pizza for such a long time.

在一段很長的時間裡，我只有披薩可以吃。

I think I have scurvy.

我猜我有壞血病。