WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!

I'M SO EXCITED.

YOU KNOW, FROM TIME TO TIME WE LIKE TO GET AN INTERNATIONAL

PERSPECTIVE ON CURRENT EVENTS.

MAINLY TO CONFIRM THAT WE REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

INTERNATIONAL EVENTS.

SO WE'RE HAPPY TO WELCOME BACK TO THE PROGRAM OUR SENIOR

INTERNATIONAL CORRESPONDENT FROM SOUTH AFRICA.

TREVOR NOAH IS HERE!

TREVOR!

NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU, JON.

>> Jon: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

>> YEAH, OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE ALL STILL REELING FROM THE TERRIBLE

EVENTS OF JANUARY 7.

>> Jon: OH, RIGHT, NO, THAT'S -- THE "CHARLIE HEBDO"

MASSACRE, PARIS. THAT WAS --

>> OH WELL THAT, TOO, BUT I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THE BAGA

AND DORON BAGA MASSACRES IN NIGERIA.

>> Jon: YES.

BAGA AND DORON BAGA.

ARE THOSE NIGERIAN SATIRICAL MAGAZINES? I DON'T --

>> NO, THEY'RE TOWNS, JON.

WELL, THEY WERE TOWNS.

BOKO HARAM DESTROYED THEM AND KILLED THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

>> Jon: YES!

BOKO HARAM.

I'VE HEARD OF THEM.

HASHTAG BRING BACK OUR GIRLS. YES?

>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, HASHTAG THEY DIDN'T.

IN FACT, SINCE THEN, BOKO HARAM HAS CAPTURED AN AREA THE SIZE OF

SLOVAKIA.

THAT'S TWO SLOVENIAS.

THAT'S NINE MILLION AMERICAN FOOTBALL FIELDS.

>> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP )!

THAT'S A LOT OF AREA.

I DID NOT REALIZE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, AND YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE, JON.

NOT A SINGLE HEAD OF STATE WENT TO NIGERIA AFTER THE

JANUARY ATTACKS, NOT EVEN OBAMA, AND HE'S AFRICAN.

>> Jon: WELL, WELL, WELL -- HE'S NOT -- AFRICAN AMERICAN.

HE WAS NOT BORN IN AFRICA.

BORN IN HAWAII.

>> OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

YEAH.

( LAUGHTER ) I GOT YOU.

I GOT YOU.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,

OBAMA DIDN'T GO TO PARIS, EITHER.

>> YEAH, BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE SENT US JAMES TAYLOR.

WHAT?

AFRICA DOESN'T GET A FRIEND?

( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: SETTLE FOR PAUL

SIMON?

>> OH, OKAY BUT ONLY IF HE PROMISES NOT TO STEAL OUR MUSIC.

HASHTAG BRING BACK OUR SONGS.

LOOK, JON, IN FRANCE, 1.6 MILLION PEOPLE MARCHED FOR 12

CARTOONISTS, WHICH IS GREAT.

BUT BY THAT MATH, THE WHOLE WORLD SHOULD HAVE BEEN MARCHING

IN NIGERIA.

LIKE SOMETIMES IT JUST FEELS LIKE AFRICA IS THE VEGAS OF

ISLAMIC TERROR -- WHAT HAPPENS IN AFRICA STAYS IN AFRICA.

>> Jon: THAT WAS A TREMENDOUS ACCENT.

( LAUGHTER ) >> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, DOESN'T IT STAY IN AFRICA?

I MEAN, DOES IT REALLY AFFECT US HERE? I MEAN --

>> WELL, YOU'D THINK THAT, JON.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE UNDERWEAR BOMBER?

HE WAS NIGERIAN.

>> Jon: OH, RIGHT.

AND BECAUSE OF HIM, YOU KNOW, NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO WEAR

UNDERWEAR ON AIRPLANES NOW.

>> I-- I THINK YOU ARE.

>> Jon: BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY IS WHAT I WOULD SAY.

THE POINT IS THIS, "CHARLIE HEBDO" WAS A DIRECT ATTACK ON

OUR WESTERN VALUES OF FREE SPEECH AND EXPRESSION.

>> RIGHT.

AND BOKO HARAM LITERALLY MEANS WESTERN EDUCATION IS FORBIDDEN.

>> Jon: REALLY?

>> YOU SEE, JON, WE'RE FIGHTING THE SAME TERRORISM, SO NEXT

TIME, JUST INCLUDE US IN YOUR MARCHES.

NIGERIAN SCHOOL GIRLS USE PENCILS, TOO, SO YOU DON'T EVEN

HAVE TO CHANGE THE PROPS.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, WE'D LOVE TO, TREVOR, HONESTLY, THE STATES

WOULD LOVE TO, BUT OUR GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR CALENDAR IS SO

FULL BETWEEN THE ISIS, THEY'RE TRYING TO SET UP A CALIPHATE

AND -- >> YEAH, AND SO IS BOKO HARAM.

THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE, THEY SELL THEM INTO SLAVERY.

>> Jon: THAT'S PRETTY ISIS-ISH.

>> YEAH. THEY WEAR THESE COSTUMES.

>> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP ).

THAT'S ISIS-ISH.

THAT'S LIKE ISIS COUTURE.

>> YEAH. ARAB SPRING COLLECTION, IN FACT.

>> Jon: NICE.

>> THEY EVEN HAVE THE SAME FLAG, JON.

>> Jon: THEY HAVE THE SAME FLAG?

THAT'S JUST LAZY.

>> DON'T YOU SEE, JON, BOKO HARAM IS BLACK ISIS.

>> Jon: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST AWESOME PAM GRIER MOVIE

EVER.

( LAUGHTER ) >> YOU KNOW, JON, BOKO HARAM

MUST FEEL LIKE TYLER PERRY-- HUGE NUMBERS BUT NO RECOGNITION.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: LOOK, TREVOR, I GET IT, BUT WE'RE SO BUSY FIGHTING--

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S TOO BAD BECAUSE IF BOKO HARAM IS NOT STOPPED THEY MIGHT

TAKE OVER NIGERIA'S OIL FIELDS? AND --

>> Jon: EH, EH, EH -- NIGERIA'S WHAT NOW?

>> WELL, OIL.

NIGERIA HAS THE WORLD'S TENTH BIGGEST OIL RESERVES,

37 BILLION BARRELS.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: IT'S FUNNY.

ACTUALLY AS I THINK ABOUT IT WE DO HAVE AN OPENING

RIGHT AFTER-- I THINK-- IN BETWEEN ISIS AND YEMEN,

I THINK WE CAN SQUEEZE YOU IN.

PERHAPS WE CAN HAVE JAMES TAYLOR OVER THERE RIGHT AWAY.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CALL AND ♪ HE'LL BE THERE, YES, HE WILL ♪

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND ♪♪ >> JE SUIS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW

THAT SONG, BUT THANK YOU.

>> Jon: THANK YOU, TREVOR.

TREVOR NOAH, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )