THAT'S ME!

AND LORRAINE SWANSON, COME ON DOWN!

HA HA HA HA!

EVENTUALLY YOU'LL BE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON... "THE PRICE IS RIGHT"

AND HERE IS THE STAR OF OUR SHOW,

BOB BARKER!

HELLO, AND WELCOME TO AMERICA'S LONGEST-RUNNING GAME SHOW.

THANK GOODNESS FOR SHUT-INS AND WELFARE MOMS.

WELCOME BACK, ROD RODDY, WE MISS YOU.

THANKS, BOB.

OF ALL THE GUYS AT THAT REST STOP,

WHO KNEW HE WAS THE SHERIFF'S SON?

JUST KIDDING, BOB.

I KNEW HE WAS THE SHERIFF'S SON.

OF COURSE YOU DID, ROD RODDY.

AND AWAY WE GO!

GOD, THEM ARE CUTE!

WHAT?

SAY, HOW DO YOU GET THEM TO JIGGLE LIKE THAT? (OH)

DID YOU EAT A LOT OF JELL-O WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?

[LAUGHS] I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

I DON'T GOT ANY OF THAT GOING ON.

HUH?

CRIPES, I GO FOR A SPEED WALK AROUND THE LAKE,

I JUST FLING MINE RIGHT 'kER THE SHOULDER AND AWAY I GO.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST TAKE A LOOK AT OUR FIRST ITEM UP FOR BID.

Audience: OOH!

Rod: FROM SEARS CRAFTSMAN,

IT'S THE BIG-BLOWER LEAF BLOWER,

WITH A POWERFUL, LIGHTWEIGHT DESIGN

THAT WILL BLOW YOU AWAY.

AND IT COULD BE YOURS

IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU START THE BIDDING THERE, SOLDIER?

UM, BOB, I'M NOT A SOLDIER.

I JUST HAVE A SEXUAL FETISH FOR UNIFORMS.

UM, I BET, UH, $400.

$400 IT IS.

ZYLPHIA--

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.

THANK YOU, BOB.

I WAS NAMED AFTER AN ANTIBIOTIC.

I--I BID--

OKAY, HELP ME OUT, Y'ALL. WHAT SHOULD I BID?

[AUDIENCE SHOUTS OUT PRICES]

ALL RIGHT! BOB!

BOB--

BOB, OK--

I'LL BID $58,000.

UNIQUE STRATEGY. LORRAINE--

LORRAINE--

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

STOP. YOU CAN'T GO OVER THERE.

WELL, JUST HOLD YOUR SPAYED AND NEUTERED HORSES, BOB.

I GOTTA GET--

HA HA HA HA.

I GOA HAVE AT THIS HUMMER.

LET'S SEE WHAT SHE'S GOT.

[LEAF BLOWER STARTS]

STOP!

Bob: LORRAINE, NO!

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

LORRAINE!

LORRAINE, STOP IT!

STOP IT!

TURN THAT THING OFF!

TURN THAT THING OFF!

TURN IT OFF!

[LEAF BLOWER STOPS]

HA HA, SHE'S GOT--

HA HA HA HA.

LORRAINE...

LORRAINE, I NEED YOU TO GET BACK TO CONTESTANT'S ROW

SO WE CAN GET YOUR BID.

WELL, I CAN TELL YOU MY BID RIGHT HERE, BOB.

THAT BEAUT'S 159.47.

NOT A PENNY MORE, NOT A PENNY LESS. HA HA.

ALL RIGHT, FINE. WE'LL SEE.

YEAH.

AND THE ACTUAL RETAIL PRICE IS...

HA HA.

IT'S $159.47. JUST LIKE YOU SAID. (YEAH.)

[BELL RINGS]

ALL RIGHT.

CONGRATULATIONS TO LORRAINE. SHE WON.

HA HA HA HA.

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

GOD, YOU'RE TAN.

THANK YOU.

SAY, YOU KNOW,

WITH YOUR DARK SKIN AND YOUR WHITE HAIR, BOB,

YOU KIND OF LOOK LIKE A NEGATIVE.

YOU KNOW, I TRIED SOME OF THAT TAN-IN-A-CAN, BOB,

I ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE A OOMPA LOOMPA. HA HA.

GOD, THOSE SUM BITCHES SCARED THE CRAP OUT ME.

♪ OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPETY ♪

HA HA HA HA.

[HUMS THE OOMPA LOOMPA SONG]

THAT'S FA--

THAT'S FASCINATING, LORRAINE.

WE'RE JUST GONNA--

WHAT MOVIE WAS THAT, ANYWAY? WI--W--

I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE.

WONKA'S WILLIE? OR--HUH?

WILLIE WONKA.

WILLIE WONKA.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST PLAY THE GAME.

Bob: THIS ONES CALLED, PRICE TAG SWITCHEROO. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY?

YOU'LL GET 45 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

YEAH, 45 SECONDS, GO AHEAD. START THE CLOCK.

RIGHT PRICE WITH--

RIGHT PRICE. SWITCHEROO!

SWITCHEROO! HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

WHAT AM I GONNA WIN THOUGH, BOB?

HUH?

ALL RIGHT, ROD RODDY,

TELL THE OLD LADY WHAT SHE'S PLAYING FOR.

Rod: IT'S HIS AND HER SCOOTERS!

[AUDIENCE] OOH!

YOU'LL BE THE TALK OF THE TOWN WITH THESE PRETTIES FROM APRILIA.

RETAIL PRICE, $2,700 AND--

98.99.

[SOFTLY] 98.99.

LORRAINE, SWITCH THOSE PRICE TAGS.

BRING UP THE CLOCK, AND GO!

DONE!

UNBELIEVABLE!

THAT'S A NEW PRICE IS RIGHT RECORD, EVERYBODY.

YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO LOSE, BOB.

[SCOOTER STARTS]

HA HA HA.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE.

WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE FUN AND EXCITEMENT ON...

THE PRICE IS RIGHT.