and apparently instinctive way, it has a history.

In other words people around the world haven't always fallen in love the way they do now.

The point of rehearsing a few of the telling moments in love's history is to remind ourselves

that there are different ways of arranging relationships, depending on what a given society happens to believe in.

Love is a cultural invention, and we are not at the end of its evolution.

We may in fact be still only at the early stages of the history of love;

we're still learning what we need and how we might get more successful at love

the Euphrates Mary's ship to the princess of the neighboring Kingdom of

young had far from being the outcome of love this marriage like that of many

between powerful people in the ancient world is purely transactional mari

occupies a critical position in the trade routes between Syria and

Mesopotamia and marrying ship to will allow them real in to expand his wealth

and power.

Henry Lin's attitude to marriage continues with his children. He marries

off eight of his daughters two rulers of neighboring cities forcing each of his

new son in laws to sign a document pledging themselves to him.

The people of mari are in effect saying that what gives a marriage meaning isn't

how much the couple happened to love one another but whether it's beneficial in

terms of trade connections and wore. This is so alien to us

it's worth reflecting on just how much we nowadays refuse to entertain at least

in public

any practical considerations when Mary feelings are meant to be our only load

starts and yet for thousands of years until only a minute ago on the

historical clock it was unambiguously meant to be only about land, power and

money.

The notion that you should love your spouse would have seemed plain laughable.

This may have created a collective trauma whistle and flight from bleh

france 11 47824 to tell the Prince of Bly

set sail for Tripoli in modern-day northern Lebanon.

He has off to see the Countess of Tripoli with whom he has fallen deeply

in love.

Rudel is one of the earliest known troubadours or skilled court poets who

rise to prominence in southern France in the 12th century and write poetry on one

subject exclusively love Rudel has written many poems in honor of the

countess and want to write some more in her presence but Rudy's idea of love is

very particular and at that time dramatically new. It's love that's

utterly divorce from practical considerations that doesn't involve

children, money, dynasties or even any kind of reciprocation. The troubadour

poets never tried to have sex with the objects of their love. Their focuses

exclusively on what we would call the infatuation or more colloquially the

crush side of love.

Rudel has fallen in love with the countess without ever having set eyes on

her.

Pining away for his lady from hundreds of miles away.

He composes and sets to music many songs expressing grief and joy.

Unfortunately, he falls ill on route to his lady and has to be stretched into

Tripoli whether counters hears about him and visit him in his chamber.

Rudel recovers momentarily before dying

Finally at peace very chase Lee in her arms

The troubadours took love very seriously only they didn't see it is linked to

marriage.

Romantic love is something you fell for someone you were never going to do

household chores with and that may be the secret of its intensity. This kind of

love was spared too much contact with daily life.

Rudel could imagine how lovely the Countess of Tripoli was without ever

having to dispute with her about the right place to hang a tapestry will get

frustrated if she didn't particularly want to do a special embarrassing thing

for him in bed that love could remain pristine. The troubadours show us a

historical moment when the idea of love was not tied to the notion of moving in

together or to the intertwining of two practical economic and social lives

using the same toilet Sharon utility bills and trying to go on camping

holidays with your partner's friends.

Versailles France fourteenth of september's 1745 at six o'clock in the

evening.

in a move engineered and planned for weeks general 28 price on a 23 year old

beauty from Paris bruised powdered and wearing a black off-the-shoulder dress

enter the cabin ethical say approaches can do with the fifteenth and curtsies

three times this simple gesture makes it official channel 28 is the King's mystic

lie or cheat mistress and from now on she will be known as madame de pompadour

and resided court with the King the king has by this point been married for 20

years but marriage doesn't mean fidelity you Mary for reasons of State and you

have mistresses on the side.

no one gets upset. That's just what happens with the 15th has several

mistresses including 14 year-old Mary Louise Oh Murphy who is painted in a

famous semi pornographic painting by force where she at Versailles in the

18th century there was an acceptance of the imperfect fit between marriage and

love. It was understood that they would always be attention between the two.

Marriage was for children,

practicality and continuity. Love was for excitement, drama and sex.

One should never try to blend the two. Rather than be under hand or deceitful

like many people are today,

the King of France simply split love for marriage and without shame or guilt made

his romantic attachments and organized and public part of his life with his

wife.

gretna green Scotland first of January 1812 a couple has just got married in a

secret ceremony

John Lampton the first Earl of Durham who is portion has land and

responsibilities and Harriet the illegitimate daughter of the Earl of

john daly who has no money and little social status but is very pretty are now

man and wife

their families are furious and have tried desperately to stop the wedding

but the couple are modern which means that they believe that in marriage

love should come first and practical considerations second

they've gone to Gretna Green a village just inside Scotland to escape english

law and they are examples of a new philosophy of Romanticism which

privileges feeling over reason and impulse over tradition

romanticism transforms love the old system of marrying for political or

economic advantage

Stoli crumbles around the world the village of Gretna Green become

synonymous with illicit marriages and John and Harriet are among hundreds of

English couples in the late eighteenth and nineteenth centuries to reload their

the public appetite for stories of romantic descent is such that the local

priest publishers some best-selling memoirs of his time they're full of

daring coach right across the border and the wrath of one consulted fathers who

reached the runaway children just too late

gretna green becomes an important place because there's a growing belief that

marriage should be the consequence of love and that if two people love each

other

that alone is what matters in come the standing of the wider family career and

how the parents and/or might get on seems irrelevant and more than that they

begin to be cast not as wise serious matters which really order to be taken

into account

but as things that could only seem relevant to County father's snobbish

arms and dried up conventional people with no care for the happiness of a

couple mostly when we want to do something we take advice if we can from

people who've done it before

gretna green stands for a remarkable shift in thinking around relationships

which is still powerful today the assumption that people who have already

had marriages are likely to be very poor advisors and guides to the young love is

understood to be an enthusiasm not as

kill

London England 18

teen readers of Jane Austen's latest novel are on the edge of their seats as

Fitzwilliam Darcy stumbles his way through a proposal to Elizabeth Bennet

his offer of marriage promises to fix all her problems

not only is he handsome but he's rich and Elizabeth family with for unmarried

daughters to support badly needs all the cash they can get

but Elizabeth says no Darcy for all his gifts is also arrogant and a snob pride

and prejudice may suggest women marry for money but Elizabeth actions reveal a

new and some first of belief rapidly gaining currency in English society that

they should love the man they betrothed themselves - it's an idea

Austin support strongly 11 years earlier she had herself rejected a proposal of

marriage claiming anything is to be preferred or injured rather than

marrying without affection in her greatest novel however things turn out

for the best

eventually after many twists and turns and despite her lack of standing and

money

Elizabeth and Darcy Mary what continues to strike readers today is that Jane

Austen is deeply concerned about romance and about money to marry only for money

is she argues a disaster but equally she holds that to marry only for love is a

terrible folly to in Austin's eyes a good marriage requires warmth and

tenderness of heart and strong practical worldly managerial competence and from

this austin draws the conclusion that few people are actually that well suited

for marriage

she's unsurprised that many marriages are a little hollow or a little grim

Austen's novels to pick numerous unsatisfactory relationships and only a

few very happy ones in the early years of the 19th century

Jane Austen is defining the wise ideal of modern love she sees marriage as a

hybrid enterprise in some respects it's like running a small business or

organizing a village fete

if you don't keep track of the practical details and don't have quite an

efficient turn for administration things are going to go badly wrong but at the

same time

marriage is a profoundly complex emotional encounter and to thrive in it

one needs emotional maturity

affection playfulness and warmth through her novels

Jane Austen is trying to present the reader with an education in a truly

classical way she believes we can do a few things well if we leave our

performance to nature luck and chance

happy relationship depends on the maturity of both parties in Pride and

Prejudice with Elizabeth Bennet and Darcy have to be improved

he has to lose his pride and she has to shed her prejudice

if they're to be capable of living well together love is something we need to

learn

London, printed fourth of november 1859. It's the day Charles Darwin publishes

the origin of species

There is a huge initial resistance but eventually much of the world is

convinced by his arguments.

Human beings are descended from the primates and that means that we've

inherited not just the skeletal structure but also a lot of their drives

and basic psychology.

Darwin's detractors are aghast at the implied humiliation.

But that's consolation and Darwin, too. Because he suggests that our inability

to live up to our ideals is not wholly our own fault.

We are anytime half apes. And for apes to aim for faithful life long passionate

egalitarians relationships is to attempt to pull off something hugely difficult,

starting from a very unpromising base.

No wonder we often fail without particularly intending to Darwin rushes

in a strategic and useful pessimism about relationships rather than being

for instance essentially monogamous

he implies that human beings might by nature at least be predisposed to as

many apes are polygamy opportunistic sex and the dumping of one made for another

on the basis of nothing more than their breathing potential signal by such

unedifying and unspiritual characteristics as how big their breasts are.

Aquatic park san francisco United States August, 1965. Jefferson Poland

wearing a flower behind his ear, strips off his swimming trunks and weights

naked into the sea.

Poland is one of the world's first hippies. He wears his hair long and

rejects the sophistication of modern life for a romantic notion of getting

back to a natural state of grace. Behind him and three other protesters braving

the icy cold ocean water is a cheering crowd of beatniks and anarchists who

hold up signs and charge the phrase sex is clean laura is obscene in front of a

hastily assembled group of reporters.

this event is one of many organized by groups advocating free love in the

nineteen sixties in America they argue that society's rules against nudity,

same-sex relationships and sex before marriage for all forms of sexual

repression soon monogamy itself is being questioned in an enlightened world they

argue sexually liberated men and women should just give up on marriage

along with it jealousy adultery and divorce. It's a beautiful deeply romantic

idea of what love could be and it eventually collapses into a disaster.

Belgium 2015. The country achieved a notorious distinction

it is the nation with the highest rate of divorce in the developed world and

astonishing 71 percent of couples will split up here.

A newspaper in the country asks why and the answer comes back clearly. "Initial

expectations were not met" Other countries are not far behind. In the UK,