Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW. BEFORE WE BEGIN I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. TOMORROW WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL BE AT HOME CELEBRATING QUIETLY WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Paul: THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEARD! ( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME TO THE SHOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR DIALING US UP. I DON'T KNOW IF CAN YOU TELL THIS OR NOT, BUT YOU LOOKING AT A VERY VERY PROUD MAN. I'M FEELING VERY PROUD OF MYSELF TODAY, BECAUSE WHY, YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY? I FULFILLED MY CIVIC RESPONSIBILITY AND REPORTED FOR JURY DUTY. >> Paul: YES, YOU DID, YES. ( APPLAUSE ) >> Dave: I LOVE JURY DUTY, THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I WAS CALLED TO SERVE, AND LIKE THE FIRST TIME, I WAS NOT SELECTED TO BE A JURY MEMBER. >> Paul: NOT SELECTED AGAIN. >> Dave: NOW THIS REALLY IRRITATES ME AND I'M TRYING DESPERATELY HARD NOT TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY. ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE I WAS READY TO GO AND ANYBODY WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THE JURY PROCESS, THIS IS UP AT THE WHITE PLAINS COURTHOUSE THERE IN WESTCHESTER COTY. THEY DO A WONDERFUL JOB, THEY HAVE A MARVELOUS PROGRAM, IT'S JUST FANTASTIC. ( LAUGHTER ) THEY DO, THEY REALLY DO A NICE JOB OF IT. BUT SO THEY PICKED ME I'M LIKE ONE OF TWELVE AND I'M READY TO GO, AND YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, YOU KNOW I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT EVERYBODY IS GUILTY. I WANT TO LOCK UP SOME PERPS. ( LAUGHTER ) I WANT TO SEE SOME OF THOSE DIRT BAGS GO TO PRISON. I WANT TO DRIVE THEM TO THE PENITENTIARY. >> Paul: THAT'S YOU. >> Dave: AND THEY, AND I'M READY TO GO, I'M MR. SURE LET'S GO, AND THEY SAID THIS THING COULD GO ON FOR YEARS, I SAID FINE, I'M THERE. >> Paul: YES. ( LAUGHTER ) DAVE THEN THEY GO AROUND AND ARE TALKING TO PEOPLE, AND GOD BLESS PEOPLE, AND MOST OF THEM ARE JUST FINE AND EVERYTHING IS FINE. BUT THEN YOU GET ABOUT 30% OF THEM, LIKE IS THERE ANY REASON SIR WHY YOU DON'T THINK... WELL,... I HAVE DRY SCALP. WHAT? GET OUT OF HERE! SO, AND THE JUDGE CALLED ME INTO HIS MY, HIS CHAIRMANERS. I HAVE MY OWN PLACE THERE AT THE COURTHOUSE. AND HE SAYS WHO ARE YOU KIDDING, GET OUT OF HERE. AND THEN YOU GO BACO DOWN AND THERE'S LUNCH AND IT'S A LOVELY THING, THEN AT THE EN, HERE'S WHAT I THINK. I THINK THAT THESE PEOPLE WHO UNDER THE BUSINESS OF LAW AND ORDER SECRETLY KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT ALL OF US IN SHOW BUSINESS. >> Paul: AND THAT WOULD BE? >> Dave: THAT WE'RE ALL IDIOTS. ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEY DON'T WANT US MONKEYING UP THE SYSTEM. BUT ONCE AGAIN, SO NOW IN TERMS OF JURY DUTY, I HAVE SERVED, SHOWN UP TWICE AND I'M 0 FOR 2. 0 FOR 2. >> Paul: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. >> Dave: BUT LOOK, I GOT MY CERTIFICATE AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK FOR ANOTHER SIX YEARS, THERE I IS RIGHT THERE, THAT SHOWS YOU THAT I SHOWED UP AND EVERYTHING IS FINE. ( APPLAUSE ) AND I WANT TO THANK JUDGE GILBERT RAYMOND WHO PRESIDED OVER THE CASE THAT I'M NOT A PART OF. ( LAUGHTER ) AND JUST A WORD OF ADVICE TO THE JUDGE, WEAR SOMETHING UNDER THE ROBE. ( LAUGHTER ) BUT OTHER THAN THAT... ( APPLAUSE ) I'M TELLING YOU, THE BEAUTIFUL FACILITY, AND THEY'RE VERY VERY GOOD, AND THEY TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY AND I MET THIS WOMAN, FRANCES WHO IS THE COMMISSIONER OF JURORS. WHOA! >> Paul: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? >> Dave: THIS WOMAN IS GUILTY OF BEING HOT. I'M NOT KIDDING. >> Paul: REALLY? >> Dave: FANTASTIC. BABE CITY. >> Paul: REALLY? >> Dave: TO SEE THIS AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I THAW OH, MAN, MAYBE I'LL BE SEQUESTERED. ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I WAS, THERE I GAVE IT A SHOT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I TRIED MY BEST AND THEY JUST DON'T WANT ME AS PART OF THE JURY SYSTEM. BUT BY GOD WHAT A NICE DAY THERE IN THE WESTCHESTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE IN WHITE PLAINS, MY THANKS TO ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE. ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ROBIN WILLIAMS WILL BE LOCKED UP. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAS A BRAP NEW MOVIE, OPENS UP FRIDAY IN NEW YORK AND L.A.. AND THEN, WELL, MY UNCLE HAD A THING, HE THOUGHT HE HAD KIDNEY STONES BUT THEN, AND THEY PUT A SCAR, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING! SHUT UP! I DON'T THINK I CAN SIT I WILL TELL YOU THAT BOTH TIMES THOUGHT DOES FLASH THROUGH YOUR EYES, THRU YOUR EYES? ( LAUGHTER ) >> Paul: WELL, THEY FLASH THROUGH YOUR EYES AND INTO YOUR MIND. >> Dave: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S PROBABLY WHERE I GOT THIS ONE. A THOUGHT FLASHES THROUGH YOUR MIND FOR JUST A SPLIT SECOND AS YOU'RE SITTING FROM, OH, GOD, I'M GOING TO BE HERE UNTIL LABOR DAY. THAT'S WHEN I CAME UP WITH THAT DRY SCALP THING. >> Paul: IT WAS YOU! ( APPLAUSE ) >> Dave: BUT, THANK YOU, PLEASE BE SEATED. BUT I MEAN THE COURTHOUSE IS CRAWLING WITH GUILTY PEOPLE. HONEST TO GOD, THE STENCH OF GUILT IS JUST WREAKING OUT OF TAKE IT AWAY. ♪ PULL OUT THOSE CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY TAX LAWS. >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. CRAZY CRAZY TAX LAWS. ( APPLAUSE ) AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO HELP US PLAY THOSE CRAZY CRAZY TAX LAWS, PLEASE WELCOME EARNEST VALANI, PRESIDENT AND CEO OF EARNEST J. VALANI AND ASSOCIATES. HOW ARE YOU? >> GOOD. >> Dave: NICE TO SEE YOU, THIS MAN HAS A DEGREE IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK, HE IS A CPA AS WELL AS A LICENSED SECURITY REPRESENT AND A CHIROPRACTOR. ( LAUGHTER ) SO, AS I UNDERSTAND THIS, HE'S GOING TO READ US ACTUAL, ACTUAL TAX LAWS, CURRENTLY ON THE BOOKS, IN THE UNITED STATES, AND PAUL AND I WILL HAVE TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT THEY'RE REAL. >> Paul: SO HE'S GOING REAL US TAX LAWS, THEY MAY NOT BE ACTUAL. >> Dave: THAT'S RIGHT. >> Paul: WE HAVE TO DETERMINE WHETHER THEY ARE ACTUAL REAL TAX LAWS OR JUST FAKE MADE UP BY OUR OWN WRITERS. DAVE YOU ALL THE TO HAVE YOUR OWN SHOW. ALL RIGHT. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE I'M NOT SURE WHEN IT WILL BE FINISHED. PAUL, YOU HAVE ANY IDEA. >> Paul: ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. >> Dave: WE JUST HOPE SOMEBODY WILL LET US KNOW WHEN EAR DONE. DR. VALANI GO RIGHT AHEAD. >> KANSAS REQUIRES THAT ILLEGAL DRUGS BE TAXED. THE DRUG DEALER MUST PURCHASE TAX STAMPS FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF REVENUE AND ATTACH THE STAMP TO THE CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE. >> Dave: WHAT DO YOU THINK, PAUL? >> Paul: COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE REAL. >> Dave: I THINK THAT'S AN ACTUAL LAW, BECAUSE IT'S KANSAS. ( LAUGHTER ) AND IT WOULD BE A DETER END TO DRUG DEALERS TO HAVE TO GO DOWN AND PICK UP THE DRUG STAMPS. I'M GOING TO GO WITH THAT BEING AN ACTUAL LAW. >> THAT ONE IS REAL. >> Paul: YOU WERE RIGHT! ( APPLAUSE ) VERY INTERESTING. >> Dave: BY THE WAY, I CAN TELL YOU'RE GUILTY JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU. ( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT, PLEASE CONTINUE. >> CAT FOOD IS AN ALLOWABLE BUSINESS EXPENSE IN ORDER TO ATTRACT WILDCATS TO DETER SNAKES FROM A BUSINESS SUCH AS A SCRAP YARD. >> Dave: A SCRAP YARD, LIKE A JUNK YARD? >> IT SAYS SCRAP YARD. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Dave: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A SCRAP YARD IS. >> Paul: I'M FROM A SCRAP, THAT'S MY FAMILY BUSINESS, FROM, THREE GENERATIONS. OF SCRAP METAL DEALERS YES. AND A SCRAP YARD, I WOULD SAY THAT I'M NOT SURE WHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING SNAKES THOUGH, YOU JUST CUTS THEM UP AND PUT THEM IN THE SCRAP. >> Dave: THAT'S THE POINT, SEEMS LIKE THAT WOULD BE A DESIRABLE THING TO HAVE SNAKES IN YOUR SCRAP YARD. >> Paul: NOT NECESSARILY DESIRABLE, COULD BE DANGEROUS. I THINK IT IS REAL BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT SNAKE AND IT ALL MAKES SENSE. >> Dave: ALL RIGHT, PLEASE STOP FILIBUSTERING. GO RIGHT AHEAD, DOCTOR. >> THAT'S ANOTHER REAL ONE. ( APPLAUSE ) >> Dave: WHAT STATE IS THAT? >> DOESN'T SAY. >> Dave: ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. WHEN DO WE GET TO THE FAKE ONES? ( LAUGHTER ) >> Paul: OBVIOUSLY NEXT. >> Dave: I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, PLEASE. >> IF HAVE YOU BEEN OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSED AS A HYPOCHONDRIAC, YOU CAN DEDUCT UP TO 20% OF YOUR UNNECESSARY MEDICAL EXPENSES. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Dave: NO, SEE NOW THIS IS TRICKY BECAUSE THIS IS PROBABLY, IT PROBABLY ALL THE TO BE A REAL LAW. BUT I'M GUESSING IT'S NOT, BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT KNOW YOU'RE A HYPOCHONDRIAC AND YOU GO IN THERE WITH ALL SINCERITY, OH, MY SCALP IS DRY. >> Paul: HE SAYS IF YOU'VE OFFICIALLY BEEN DIAGNOSED. >> Dave: YEAH. YOU CAN DEDUCT MEDICAL EXPENSES UP TO 20%, IS THAT WHAT IT WAS? >> YOU CAN DEDUCT UP TO 20% OF YOUR UNNECESSARY MEDICAL EXPENSES. >> Paul: UNNECESSARY MEDICAL EXPENSES. >> Dave: CAN WE COME BACK TO THIS ONE? WE'RE GOING TO COME FWOOK THIS ONE, DOCTOR. ( LAUGHTER ) >> A CLARINE AND THE LESSONS AS TREATMENT FOR A CHILD'S OVERBITE ARE AN ALLOWABLE MEDICAL DEDUCTION. >> Dave: YES, YES, ABSOLUTELY, WE AGREE ON THAT, THAT'S A REAL LAW. >> THAT ONE IS REAL. >> Dave: I'M READ TO GO BACK TO THE LAST ONE. THAT'S PHONY. >> Paul: HAVE HIM REPEAT IT? >> Dave: NO, WE DON'T NEED TO HAVE HIM REPEAT IT. >> ACCELERATED FARM LOSS --. >> Paul: WAIT WAIT WAIT. >> Dave: ARE WE RIGHT OR WRONG ABOUT THE HYPE OH KRON DRY A. >> THAT ONE IS FAKE. >> Paul: I DON'T KNOW IF KID ALLOW WHAT YOU JUST DID, YOU WENT AHEAD --. >> Dave: SEE, IF, AND I AM, NO WON IS MORE HYPO CONDIACAL THAN I AM AND I'VE THOUGHT FOR YEARS I OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO DEDUCT THE COST MIFF PLACEBOS. >> Paul: BUT IF YOU'RE A COMEDY WRITER, YOU'RE GOING TO PUT IN TWO REAL ONES. >> Dave: I'M JUST BEING TOLD NOW THAT THIS IS THE LAST ONE, SO WE'RE NEARING THE END. ALL RIGHT. CONTINUE, DOCTOR, ONE MORE. >> ACCELERATED FARM LOSS DEPRECIATION MAY BE CLAIMED ON SCHEDULE 36 IF THE TOTAL EX TEM SHUNS CAUSED BY DEPENDENT INVESTMENT CREDIT, LESS THAN THE AMORTIZED GAPES REALIZED BY THE ADJUSTED GRASS DEDUCTION. OF. >> Dave: I'D HAVE TO GO WITH THAT'S REAL. THAT'S REAL. >> Paul: WHAT WAS THE FIRST PARTS OF IT? DAVE WHAT POSSIBLE DIFFERENCE COULD IT MAKE, IT'S THE LAST ONE, WE DON'T CARE, WE JUST WANT TO GET HIM OUT OF HERE AND GET ON WITH THE SHOW. I SAY IT'S REAL. >> THAT'S OBVIOUSLY FAKE. >> Dave: THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY, THOSE CRAZY ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> MEMBERS OF THE JURY, MR. LETTERMAN HAS NOT COMMITTED A CRIME AS MUCH AS AVOIDED ONE. MY CLIENT HAS APPROACHED MANY PEOPLE IN HIS TIME. POOR MISS FARRAH FAUX SEE SAT HERE ONE EVENING. MEMBERS, LOOK AT HIM NOT AS A MAN WHO HAS WASTED HIS LIFE ON THIS. ( LAUGHTER ) BUT SEE HIM... ( APPLAUSE ) >> Dave: HOW YOU DOING? >> VERY GOOD, SIR. CONGRATULATIONS OF AVOIDING THE LEGAL SYSTEM AGAIN. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BENCH. >> Dave: HAVE YOU EVER DONE JURY DUTY? >> YEAH, I'M SURE SOME LAWYER WANTS ME ON A JURY. ( LAUGHTER ) HI, WINONA. >> Dave: YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. DID YOU SEE THAT GOLF YESTERDAY? DO YOU PLAY GOLF? >> OH, YEAH. NO. >> Dave: YOU DON'T PLAY GOLF? >> NO, I MEAN IT IS A VERY QUIET SPORT, LIKE YOU SAID, IT'S ALWAYS THE COMMENTATOR, HE'S ON THE SECOND HOLE NOW, WE'RE GOING TO... I WANT TO GUY WHO DOES SOCKER TO DO GOLF ONE TIME. THE BODY IS ROLLING, HOLE! HOLE! ( APPLAUSE ) TIGER WOODS IS MAS MACHO! DAVE PRETTY GOOD SPANISH. >> I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA, YOU HAVE TO SPEAK SPANISH AND GERMAN. >> Dave: HOW IS YOUR FAMILY DOING? >> WONDERFUL. >> Dave: I'M ALWAYS AMAZED. >> HOW IS YOURS? YOU'RE A FATHER, YOU'RE A FATHER NOW DAVE! ( APPLAUSE ) >> Dave: VERY NICE. >> YOUNG HARRY. HAS HE STARTED SAYING, MY NEXT GUEST... A LITTLE FISHER PRICE TALK SHOW SET. OKAY, THEY'RE COMING ON NOW. DO YOU HAVE A CLIP? ( LAUGHTER ) I'M ROLLING THE CLIP NOW. THAT'S A GREAT MOVIE. NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK. >> Dave: A YEAR AND A HALF NOW. >> A YEAR AND A HALF? OH, SOON HE'LL BE GOING TO COLLEGE. >> Dave: YEAH, BUT WHAT'S CRAZY TO ME IS WHEN WHEN WE FIRST STARTED SEEING EACH OTHER ON THIS SHOW OR THE OLD SHOW, YOU HAD LITTLE KIDS AND NOW THEY'RE IN NEW YORK CITY. >> RIGHT, ONE IS GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE. >> Dave: THAT'S REMARKABLE. CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT. >> THANK YOU, SIR. >> Dave: GOOD FOR YOU. ( APPLAUSE ) >> THEY'VE COME A LONG WAY. YEAH, HE'LL BE GRADUATING WITH A DEGREE IN LINGUISTICS, WHICH IS ALL OF A SUDDEN I FEEL LIKE THAT'S REAL GOOD. YOU SURE DONE THE FAMILY RIGHT. BOY, ALL I DID WAS ACT. TALK ABOUT SYNTAX. >> Dave: AND WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH A DEGREE IN LINGUISTICS. >> PRETTY MUCH YOU OPEN UP A SENTENCE REPAIR SHOP. OR YOU WANDER AROUND GOING, OKAY, YOU SAID HELLO. OR CAN YOU WORK AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND EVENTUALLY WORK FOR THE PHONE COMPANY GOING IF YOU WISH TO CONTINUE, PRESS ONE. HI, A LIKE DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE, AND WHAT PART WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT NOW? A LIKE TO GET A NUMBER O., THAT WOULD BE VERY WONDERFUL. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? MY NAME IS BOB. >> Dave: DOES YOUR SON... ( APPLAUSE ) DOES, IF WE HAD YOUR SON OUT HERE COULD HE DO SOME OF WHAT YOU DO? OR DID HE GET SOME OF THAT? >> SOME OF THAT, HE'S ACTUALLY, THE YOUNGER ONE HAS SOME OF IT AND MY DAUGHTER IS ACTING NOW. IN THE HOUSE OF D, WHICH IS GREAT. ZELDA, YES. >> Dave: BEAUTIFUL SWEET GIRL BY THE WAY. >> YES, SIR. AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? ( LAUGHTER ) I ME KNOW IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW, IT'S SHOW BUSINESS. >> Dave: NO NO. >> SHE'S 15 AND WONDERFUL. SHE'S HERE TONIGHT, SOMEWHERE IN THIS ROOM. >> Dave: SHE'S WITH YOU TONIGHT. >> YES. >> Dave: I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE AND IT MUST HAVE BEEN ODD, MAYBE IT WASN'T ODD FOR YOU, IN IN THE MOVIE SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH A YOUNG BOY ASK YOU'RE THERE WITH THEM, AND YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU, YOU AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT IS THAT LICK TO BE YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND THEN I THOUGHT, WELL, HE DOES IT EVERY DOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. >> WELL, THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS EVE I A THERAPIST IS GOING, WHERE ARE WE? ( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE YOU, AND SHE IS SHE. AND WE ARE ALTOGETHER. IT'S LIKE I WAS PLAYING A CHARACTER, SOIL WAS INTERESTING TO PLAY, I PLAY A SLIGHTLY, YOU KNOW, MENTALLY CHALLENGED CHARACTER, WHICH IS NOT THAT MUCH OF A STRETCH. BUT I WOULD WATCH AND THE WONDERFUL THING IS SHE WAS VERY GOOD, AND SHE DOES HAVE A SCENE WITH THE BOY WHERE THEY GET TO KISS, BUT I WASN'T THERE OFF STAGE GOING... OH, GO AHEAD. NO, ANOTHER TAKE, HE DON'T NEED ANOTHER TAKE. >> Dave: LET ME TRY THIS AGAIN. >> OH, YOU. >>. >> Dave: YES. BUT WITH YOUR FAMILY, YOU'RE JUST YOUR FAMILY. BUT DOES THAT DYNAMIC ALTER A LITTLE BIT WHEN YOU'RE TACK ACTING WITH YOUR FAMILY IN A MOVIE? >> OH, I SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING NOW. >> Dave: WE MAY NOT BE GOING ANYWHERE. >> NO, THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING. WHEN YOU'RE ACTING WITH YOUR FAMILY, I MEAN WHEN I'M PLAYING A CHARACTER IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WHEN I'M FATHER. WHEN I'M FATHER I'M A DON'T DO THAT! BUT IT IS THAT THING OF PLAYING A CHARACTER, YOU ARE KIND OF STANDING BEHIND THERE AS PARENT GOING... >> Dave: ARE YOU CONCERNED, THAT SHE DOESN'TLE BARRELS HERSELF OR IS NOT FEELING EMBARRASSED WHILE YOU'RE SITTING THERE NEXT TO HER IN THE SAME SCENE ACTING WITH HER WEZ WELL, IF HI DONE THIS, HOW ARE WE DOING. LET ME ASKING SOMETHING. DADDY LOVES YOU, DADDY LOVES YOU. >> Dave: A LONG DAY AT THE COURTHOUSE. >> NO, SHE WAS GREAT. WHAT I WAS SURPRISED IS THAT SHE WAS SO RELAXED, SO CALM, THAT EVEN I WENT, IT TOOK ME SIX YEARS TO LEARN THAT, AND SHE WAS SO GOOD. AND THE OTHER PART OF THE EQUATION WHEN, FOR ME WHICH WAS THE BEST PAR WAS THAT SHE WAS SO NICE TO EVERYBODY, WHICH IS, AND PEOPLE WOULD SAY YOUR DAUGHTER IS A VERY GOOD ACTRESS AND SHE'S KINL, WHICH IS A GOOD THING. >> Dave: THAT'S RIGHT. ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS ULTIMATELY VERY IMPORTANT IN LIFE. >> ONE OF THEM, YOUR CALL. IT'S AN ATTITUDE OF WORKING WITH PEOPLE, AND SHE JUST HAD IT, IT WAS VERY FRESH AND VERY OPEN, BUT YET STILL CONCENTRATED, ALL OF THAT, WHICH MAKES ME VERY PROUD. >> Dave: DO YOU THINK THAT COMES FROM BEING YOUR DAUGHTER OR COMES FROM BEING YOUNGER DOING THIS? >> BOTH. I THINK IT'S THE THING OF THAT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, AND HOPEFULLY SOME OF THE GENETIC MATERIAL, I DO BELIEVE IT WAS CARRIED ON. BUT I ALSO THINK IT COMES FROM HER OWN INTELLIGENCE AND HER OWN DRIVE, AND LIKE YOU SAID BEING NEW AT IT, WHICH IS GREAT. >> Dave: AND IS IT -- >> I THINK SHE WANTS TO DO IT. BUT I GIVE THEY ARE ADVICE MY FATHER GAVE ME, HAVE A BACKUP PROFESSION LIKE WELDING. >> Dave: HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO YOU? >> HE DID. >> Dave: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WELDING. >> MY FATHER SAID DO THAT, AND I WENT TO A WELDING CLA IN COLLEGE JUST IN CASE AND THE GUY WHO TAUGHT THE WELDING CLASS CAME OUT THE FIRST DAY, HE HAD ONE EYE AND WENT A SET A LEAN IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. AND I WENT, I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW. LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO LIE THE TORCH. >> Dave: OH, MY GOD. >>. >> Dave: BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL GIRL. >> HELLO, Z. LOOK UP THERE ON THE MONITOR NOW. DADDY IS WITH UNCLE DAVE! WE'RE DOING A WITNESS PROTECTION THING. I SAW DAVID, BUT I NEVER CONTACTED HIM ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING ON THE JURY. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Dave: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FACE. >> OH, YES. CODY IS WONDERFUL AND ZACH, I THINK HE WANTS TO GO FROM LINK WHICH ISITY YOU'LL SEE THAT WITH HARRY. YOU KNOW, IT WILL BE A WONDERFUL PROCESS. AND YOU, YOU, YOU AND CLINT EASTWOOD HAVING CHILDREN AT THIS AGE, WAY TO GO. YES! ( APPLAUSE ) PICK UP THE BALL FOR DAD, WILL YOU? DON'T GO LONG. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Dave: IT'S ABOUT THAT WAY NOW. SPEAKING OF BALL WHARK ABOUT BASEBALL, ARE YOU READY FOR BASEBALL? >> I'M READY FOR BASEBALL NOW THAT THE STEROID SCANDAL IS OVER, CAN YOU SEE THE PLAYERS HEADS GOING BACK TO THEIR NORMAL SIZE. >> Dave: CAN YOU, GOING FROM THAT TO SOMETHING ELSE, SERIOUS, OF GREAT SERIOUSNESS, YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH CHRISTOPHER REEVE. >> YEAH. >> Dave: I KNEW THIS AND HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT, YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. >> YEAH. WE WERE BOTH MASTERS STUDENT AT JEWEL YARD, WHICH MEANS WE CAME IN FOR LIKE THE SHORE PROGRAM, A TWO-YEAR CRASH COURSE. AND HE WAS SO STEADY EVEN THEN, HE WAS A BABE MAGNET AND I WAS STANDING NEAR BY GOING, IF YOU CAN'T GET TO CHRIS... IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN LITTLE HAIRY MEN... >> Dave: AND HOW DID THAT GO? >> I WAS ALWAYS IN THE CORNER GOING HEY, WAY TO GO. BUT HE WAS GREAT, HE WAS LIKE --. >> Dave: HE MENTORED YOU? >> YEAH. HE FED ME. LITERALLY, I WOULD GO OVER SOMETIMES AND I'D BE LIKE ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH THAT TUNA FISH? HE HAD THE ONLY APARTMENT WITH KIND OF A ROOF, YOU KNOW, I MEAN EVERYONE HAD A ROOF. BUT ACTUALLY WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M SORRY, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ROOFS HERE. IT'S A FOUR-FLOOR WALKUP WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL THE ULTIMATE SKYLIGHT. IT'S, WE CALL IT THE WEST SIDE PLANETARIUM. BUT HE HAD THIS ROOF TOP GARDEN, I WAS LOVELY. HE ONCE AGAIN, THE LADIES WERE ALWAYS THERE, AND I'D BE GOING ANOTHER COCKTAIL, MADAM. AND WE STAYED FRIENDS FOR YEARS AND YEARS, AND HE'S THE GOD FATHER OF ZACHARY, MY OLDEST SON. >> Dave: AND IN SPITE OF HIS CONDITION, I THINK EVERYBODY WAS CERTAINLY SADDENED AND SURPRISED THAT HE PASSED AWAY. >> ME TOO. IT'S THAT WEIRD THING OF, I NEVER THOUGHT HE WOULD GO. HE HAD BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH AND FOUGHT SO HARD WHEN THAT WHEN WE FOUND OUT HE WAS GONE, IT'S LIKE NO. YOU FEEL THAT, YOU KNOW, STILL I FEEL LIKE I CAN CALL HIM, AND UNLESS I HAVE THE SHIRLEY McLANE LINE, I CAN'T. IT'S THAT IDEA THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE'D BE AROUND. IT WAS TOUGH. >> Dave: THE PERIOD FROM HIS INJURY ON WAS UNQUESTIONABLY THE MOST VALUABLE PART OF HIS LIFE, WHICH IS AN ODD -- >> ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE WAS SO VIBRANT, EVERYTHING BECAME CON SENSED INTO LIKE A LASER TO THIS PINPOINT OF, BECAUSE HE SPOKE LIKE BOBBY KENNEDY SAID IN CONCISE SENTENCES, BUT LITERALLY BECAUSE OF THE RESPIRATOR. AND HE WOULD SPEAK AND EVERYTHING WAS VERY PRECISE. PLUS, THE IDEA OF BEING A SPOKESPERSON, WHEN HE WAS MENTIONED IN THE DEBATE, I THINK THAT WAS, THAT HAD BECOME A POLITICAL FORCE, THAT HE HAD TAKEN IT FROM THAT POINT TO BEING PART OF A POLITICAL DEBATE. >> Dave: SORTS OF RAISED AWEARNESS TO A LEVEL. >> TO PUT IT TO THE FOREFRONT, HE HAD BEEN VERY POLITICAL EVEN AFTER SCHOOL LATER ON. BUT THIS BECAME THIS DRIVING FORCE WITH HIM. I MEAN, A GREAT FRIEND, AND I MISS HIM. IT'S LIKE IT'S WEIRD.
A2 dave paul laughter scrap jury applause Late Show with David Letterman - Robin Williams 24 5 VoiceTube posted on 2016/07/10 More Share Save Report Video vocabulary