DOING A LITTLE BELT-TIGHT.

MUSE APPLAUSE BY THE WAY, HAVE

YOU BEEN FOLLOWING THIS ROBERT

BLAKE SITUATION?

YOU KNOW ROBERT BLAKE IS AN

ACTOR OUT THERE IN HOLLYWOOD.

ISN'T IT A SHAME THAT IN THIS

DAY AND AGE MOST OF OUR BIG

STAR, MANY OF OUR TOP STARS ARE

IN PRISON.

ISN'T IT SAD?

( LAUGHTER )

AND SO ROBERT BLAKE IS STANDING

TRIAL, AND PROSECUTORS SAY THAT

AT ONE POINT BUSH HIRED A STUNT

MAN TO KILL HIS WIFE.

OH, WOW.

HIRED A STUNT MAN TO KILL HIS

WIFE.

WELL, SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT

O.SCWMENT, BUT THAT GUY DID HIS

OWN STUNTS.

( APPLAUSE )

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

PAUL SHAFFER!

(BAND PLAYING)

( APPLAUSE )

PAUL SHAFFER, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

>> Paul: OH, YEAH.

>> Dave: LET ME... LET ME HAVE

THAT CARD.

I'VE BEEN TOLD NOW I MADE A

TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

>> Paul: WHAT?

>> Dave: I MADE A HORRIBLE

MISTAKE.

LET ME SEE THE CARD THERE,

ZIPPY.

>> Paul: WHAT COULD IT BE NOW.

>> Dave: THERE'S THE JOKE

THERE.

APPARENTLY DOWN HERE WHERE THE

WORD IS SUPPOSED TO BE "BLAKE,"

I APPARENTLY SAID BUSH.

( LAUGHTER )

I SAID "BUSH."

COMPLETELY RUINING THE JOKE.

( LAUGHTER )

IT MUST HAVE BUSH ON THE MIND.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

SO BLAKE, ROBERT BLAKE, THE SAME

ROBERT BLAKE IS MENTIONED UP

HERE, NOT THE PRESIDENT, GEORGE

BUSH.

PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH HAS

NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

ACTIVITY.

NOT INVOLVED IN THIS PROCEEDING

WHATSOEVER.

>> Paul: GLAD YOU'RE CLEAR

ABOUT THAT.

>> Dave: SO BLAKE TRIERD TO

HIRE A STUNTMAN AND KILL HIS

WIFE.

SAY WHAT YOU WILL, HE ALWAYS DID

HIS OWN STUNTS?

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

(BAND PLAYING)

>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M GLAD I GOT THAT OUT OF THE

WAY.

>> Paul: YEAH.

NOW WE CAN START WITH A CLEAN

SLATE.

>> Dave: EXACTLY.

I'D HAVE GONE UPSTAIRS AND THE

E-MAILS WOULD HAVE DRIVEN MEET,.

HERE'S NEW YORK CITY IN THE

HOLIDAY SEASON.

COLD.

HI, FOLKS.

HEY, MAN, WAS THAT... IS THAT

HAT ACTUALLY... MA'AM, CAN YOU

HEAR ME?

IS THAT HAT ACTUALLY LIGHTING

UP?

OKAY, FINE, LET'S KEEP MOVING. ?

>> Rupert: AND YEAH, AND

SANDWICHES.

>> Dave: AND SANDWICHES.

( LAUGHTER )

DID YOU HEAR THAT THAT GEORGE W.

BUSH HIRED SOMEONE TO KILL

ROBERT BLAKE'S WIFE?

( APPLAUSE ) PLEASE?

♪ MAY WE SEE YOUR DIGITAL PHOTOS

PLEASE ♪♪

>> Dave: I WANT YOU TO GET A

CONTESTANT, AND IF YOU CAN, I'D

LIKE TO TALK TO THE WOMAN WITH

THE ELECTRIC HAT.

>> Rupert: OKAY.

WE NEED HER TO HAVE PHOTOS WE

CAN LOOK AT FOR THE HOLIDAYS,

AND WE'LL VEIGH CARELY IS SHARE

THE FUN SHE'S HAVING FOR THE

HOLIDAYS.

>> Rupert: GREAT.

>> Dave: AND THEREBY INCREASE

OUR OWN PERSONAL FUN.

YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THAT WORKS,

RIGHT?

>> Rupert: YEAH.

>> Dave: OKAY.

RUPERT, ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME?

( LAUGHTER )

>> Rupert: NO.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Dave: OKAY. DIGITAL PHOTOS

PLEASE.

♪ MAY WE SEE YOUR DIGITAL PHOTOS

PLEASE ♪♪

>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

RUPERT.

RUPERT, CAN YOU INTRODUCE YOUR

CONTESTANT THERE?

>> Rupert: YES, THIS IS DIANE,

A ANGEL.

>> Dave: DIANE, A ANGEL?

>> THAT'S ONE WORD.

>> Dave: IS THAT YOUR HAT

MAKING THAT NOISE?

>> THAT IS MY HAT.

IT ALSO PLAYS AND LIGHTS UP.

>> Dave: WHERE YOU FROM,

DIANE?

>> HOUSTON, WHERE IT WAS 78

DEGREES WHEN I LEFT.

>> Dave: HOWKING ABOUT THAT, 7

DEGREES.

YOU CAME TO NEW YORK CITY FOR

THE HOLIDAYS?

>> I DID, SIGHTSEEING.

>> Dave: FANTASTIC HERE, ISN'T

IT?

>>

(LAUGHS)

>> Dave: MA'AM, I'M GOING TO

HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN YOUR HAT

DOWN.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN TOWN?

>> SINCE THE WEEKEND.

>> Dave: HAVING A GOOD TIME?

>> YES.

LIKE YOU SAY, DAVE, NO PLACE

LIKE NEW YORK AT CHRISTMAS.

>> Dave: ABSOLUTELY.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU.

TELL ME ABOUT THAT HAT.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ITEM?

>> I BOUGHT THIS, LET'S SEE,

TIMES SQUARE.

>> Dave: UH-HUH, THAT SEEMS

ABOUT RIGHT.

AND IS IT... IT MUST BE BATTERY

OPERATED, IS THAT RIGHT?

>> IT IS BATTERY OPERATED.

>> Dave: OR GENERATOR.

I GUESS YOU COULD HAVE A

GENERATOR ON THERE.

HOW LONG DOES IT DO THAT

LIGHTING AND SING STUFF?

>> ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

IT JUST GETS ON YOUR NERVES.

>> Dave: IT WOULD PROBABLY,

SURE, YEAH.

AND WILL YOU BE TAKING IT OFF IN

THE NEXT FEW DAYS?

>> ONLY IF I WANT TO SLEEP.

>> Dave: QAI. WOULD IT WILL

ALL RIGHT IF RUPERT TRIED IT ON?

( LAUGHTER )

>> I THINK HE WANTS YOU TO TRY

IT ON, RUPERT.

>> Dave: IF YOU DON'T MIND,

DIANE, JUST FOR FUN.

>> SURE, TRY IT FOR RUPERT.

RAFT LAUGHTER

( APPLAUSE )

>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Rupert: YOU'RE WELCOME,

DAVE.

>> Dave: ALL RIGHT, DIANE.

WE'RE HERE TO PLAY MAY WE SEE

YOUR DIGITAL PHOTO, PLEASE.

>> YES.

>> Dave: SCARED THE HELL OUT

OF ME, PAUL.

DO YOU HAVE A ALL RIGHT OF

DIGITAL TOENSINGS IN THERE?

>> DAVE

>> ABOUT 330 SOMETHING.

>> Dave: I'LL PULL UP A CHAIR.

YOU TAKE US THROUGH THEM AND

GIVE US A LITTLE NARRATIVE AS WE

TAKE A LOOK AND STUFF AND SEE

WHAT WE GOT HERE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

LET ME SEE.

OH, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW, IT'S GONE

OFF.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Dave: YOUR BATTERIES FOR

THE HAT, WE COULD USE THEM.

>> THERE WE GO.

MACY'S WINDOW.

>> Dave: VERY NICE.

>> THERE'S RUPERTS RIGHT THERE.

>> THERE'S RUPERT'S.

WE'RE GOING BACK.

>> Dave: EVERYONE IN THE

AUDIENCE THINKS THAT ONE MAY BE

UPSIDE DOWN.

THAT'S TIMES SQUARE.

WHAT IS... YOU KNOW, I CAN'T

THINK STRAIGHT BECAUSE OF THAT

DAMN HAT.

(HAT PLAYS CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

>> IT IS ANNOYING, ISN'T IT?

NO ONE SLEEPS AROUND ME, THAT'S

FOR SURE.

( APPLAUSE )

>> Dave: OKAY.

WELL, THAT'S PLENTY.

WE GET THE IDEA.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR

APPEARING IN MAY WE SEE YOUR

DIGITAL PHOTO, PLEASE.

WHAT DO WE HAVE FOR HER, GIRLS?

>> OH, WONDERFUL.

>> Dave: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DELI

PLATTER FROM RUPERT JEE'S.

WHAT WITH WERE WE PLAYING FOR

TONIGHT?

>> Alan: DAVE, WE WERE PLAYING

FOR A BRAND-NEW KOREA SPECTRA.

BACK TO DAVE.

>> Dave: HAVE FUN, DIANE.

BE CAREFUL.

SAY HELLO TO THE FOLKS BACK IN

HOUSTON.

>> THANK YOU, DAVE, SO MUCH.

>> Dave: THERE YOU GO, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

DE

THE CATEGORY: TOP TEN SIGNS

YOUR NOT THE MOST POPULAR SIGNS

IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL.

PAUL, WERE YOU THE MOST POPULAR

GUY IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL?

>> Paul: PLEASE, FAR FROM IT.

>> Dave: ME NEITHER.

NEVER BEEN VERY POPULAR ANYWHERE

I GO

>> Paul: SAME HERE.

>> Dave: TOP TEN SIGN YOURSELF

NOT NOSE POPULAR GUY IN HIGH

SCHOOL.

HERE NOW TO PRESENT TONIGHT'S

TOP TEN LIST, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

HERE HE IS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

(DAVE LAUGHING)

OH, GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

COINCIDENTALLY, THE MOVIE OF THE

SAME NAME, "NAPOLEON DYNAMITE,"

IS ON D.V.D. AND IN STORES

TODAY.

THERE YOU GO.

VERY ENTERTAINING FILM.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> HI, DAVID.

>> HOW YOU DOING?

>> GOOD.

>> Dave: CATEGORY, TOP TEN

JIERNS NOT THE MOST POPULAR GUY

IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL.

NUMBER TEN:

>> YOUR YEARBOOK PHOTO CAPTION

READS UNIDENTIFIED SOPHOMORE.

>> YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS THE ONE

YOU BUILT IN SHOP CLASS.

>> Dave: NUMBER EIGHT.

>> SCHOOL SONG INCLUDES PHRASE

ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SUCK.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Dave: NUMBER SEVEN.

>> EVERY TIME YOU TALK TO A

GIRL, THE CONVERSATION

INEVITABLY DRIFTS TO YOUR

FREQUENT NOSE BLEEDS.

>> Dave: YEAH.

( LAUGHTER )

NUMBER SIX.

>> THE STUPID KID WHO GETS HIS

TATER TOTS STOLEN EVERY DAY, HE

STEALS YOUR TATER TOTS.