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  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU.

  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • LIKE I NEED ANOTHER T-SHIRT.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M SO

  • HAPPY YOU PEOPLE ARE HERE

  • TONIGHT BECAUSE YOU SEEM LIKE A

  • WONDERFUL GROUP.

  • AND I HATE -- I HATE TALKING

  • ABOUT PEOPLE WHEN THEY'RE NOT

  • HERE.

  • BUT BOY LAST NIGHT'S AUDIENCE,

  • OH MY GOD.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: WHAT A ROUGH CROWD.

  • HALFWAY THROUGH THE PROGRAM THEY

  • GOT COLD FEET AND HOPPED ON A

  • BUS TO ALBUQUERQUE.

  • AWFUL!

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: HATE THAT.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

  • THE RUN AWAY BRIDE, REMEMBER

  • THIS.

  • A WOMAN DOWN IN GEORGIA, SHE SHE

  • FAKES HER OWN KIDNAPPING AND

  • TAKES A HIKE AM BUT YOU KNOW,

  • HER HUSBAND-TO-BE, JOHN MASON,

  • THE JILTED GROOM, HE SAYS THAT

  • HE STILL WOULD LIKE TO GO AHEAD

  • WITH THE WEDDING.

  • HE STILL WANTS TO GO AHEAD WITH

  • THE WEDDING

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: JOHN, LISTEN TO ME --

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: YOU'VE GOT AN OUT.

  • THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

  • GRAB IT.

  • YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN SAVED.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: WHAT ARE YOU NUTS!

  • YOU FOLKS LIKE PRIME-TIME TV

  • SPECIALS.

  • >> Paul: OH, YEAH.

  • >> Dave: WELL, EARLIER TONIGHT

  • RIGHT HERE ON CBS WE WERE LUCKY

  • ENOUGH TO HAVE A BLOCKBUSTER, IT

  • WAS A Dr. PHIL SPECIAL.

  • >> Paul: OH.

  • >> Dave: SO THAT MEANS FOR ONE

  • NIGHT ONLY I'M NOT THE DULLEST

  • GUY ON CBS.

  • >> Paul: AAAHHH!

  • >> Dave: THANK GOD.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU

  • FOLKS KNOW ABOUT PAT O'BRIEN,

  • YOU KNOW WHO PAT O'BRIEN IS?

  • WELL, HE IS THIS GUY, AND HE'S

  • ON THIS SHOW CALLED THE

  • HOLLYWOOD INSIDER.

  • YEAH, AND WHAT PAT WOULD LIKE TO

  • DO IS GET ALL LIQUORED UP AND --

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: AND MAKE OBSCENE PHONE

  • CALLS TO STAFF MEMBERS.

  • AND YOU KNOW, I WISH I HAD A

  • NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME I'VE DONE

  • THAT.

  • >> Paul: REALLY?

  • >> BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM.

  • PAT GOT CAUGHT.

  • SO WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT YOU GOT

  • TO GO TO REHAB.

  • SO ANYWAY, HE'S GOING TO BE ON

  • THE DOCTOR PHIL SPECIAL.

  • AND PAT O'BRIEN SAYS HE KNEW

  • THAT HE HAD ACTUALLY HIT BOTTOM

  • WHEN HE AGREED TO BE ON THE

  • DOCTOR PHIL SHOW.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • THEY GOT A HOLD OF HIM AND --.

  • I AM FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT

  • TONIGHT'S SHOW.

  • I THINK IT IS GOING TO BE A

  • WONDERFUL SHOW BECAUSE I'VE BEEN

  • GETTING SPECIAL BACKSTAGE

  • COACHING FROM PAULA ABDUL.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: YOU KNOW THAT "AMERICAN

  • IDOL" SHOW, WHAT IT IS A TALENT

  • CONTEST AND THE SHOW COMES ON

  • EVERY COUPLE OF NIGHTS AND

  • THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THE NEXT

  • AMERICAN IDOL.

  • AND, YEAH, SO IT TURNS OUT THAT

  • ONE OF THE JUDGES ON THE SHOW

  • PAULA ABDUL, THEY SAY, WAS

  • HAVING LIKE A SEXUAL

  • RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS

  • CONTESTANT NAMED CORY CLARK.

  • AND HE SAID THAT THE

  • RELATIONSHIP STARTED OUT AS A

  • FRIENDSHIP AND THEN IT BECAME

  • SEXUAL.

  • AND I, YOU KNOW, I CAN --

  • BECAUSE THE SAME THING HAPPENED

  • WITH ME AND

  • HAS BEEN IN,

  • WELL OVER EIGHT OR NINE BILLION

  • DOLLARS.

  • BECAUSE HE'S BEEN IN ALL OF THE

  • LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIES.

  • IN LORD OF THE RINGS ONE.

  • LORD OF THE RINGS TWO.

  • AND THE LORD OF THE RINGS

  • STRIKES BACK.

  • >> Paul: STRIKES BACK

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: HE WAS IN ALL THREE OF

  • THOSE.

  • AND HE WAS IN THE MANY, MANY

  • OTHER MOVIES, IT IS INTERESTING,

  • I BELIEVE, THAT EVERY MOVIE THIS

  • KID HAS APPEARED IN, HE HAS BEEN

  • DRESSED IN A COSTUME.

  • >> Paul: OH, REALLY, A COSTUME

  • DRAMA.

  • >> Dave: SOME KIND OF COSTUME

  • DRAMA AND IN ANOTHER BRAND-NEW

  • BLOCKBUSTER COSTUME SHOW "KICK

  • DOM OF HEAVEN" WHICH OPENS ON

  • FRIDAY, ORLANDO BLOOM IS JOINING

  • US.

  • >> Paul: OH MY GOODNESS.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Paul: HE'S VERY POPULAR WITH

  • THE YOUNG GALS.

  • >> VERY POPULAR.

  • AND SINCE HE'S SO ACCUSTOMED TO

  • APPEARING IN THESE HUGE

  • SPECTACULAR COSTUME-PERIOD

  • MOVIES, WE WERE TALKING UP

  • STAGE, I WONDER WILL HE COME OUT

  • TONIGHT IN A COSTUME.

  • AND ONE OF THE FOLKS UP THERE, I

  • BELIEVE JUSTIN SINGLE SAYS HE

  • THINKS WILL PROBABLY COME OUT

  • DRESSED AS A POLICEMAN.

  • >> Paul: HE ALWAYS APPEARS IN

  • COSTUME.

  • >> Dave: THAT'S RIGHT.

  • EARLIER TONIGHT THERE WAS THE

  • PAT O'BRIEN-Dr. PHIL SPECIAL.

  • AND PAT O'BRIEN HAD TO COME

  • CLEAN.

  • AND YOU KNOW, I WAS TALKING TO

  • SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY.

  • IN THE OLD DAYS YOU COULD DO

  • THAT.

  • YOU COULD GET LIQUORED UP AND

  • TAKE A LOT OF PILLS AND CALL UP

  • BABES AND NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN.

  • AND BUT NOW OOOH, EVERYBODY IS

  • TO TOUCHY.

  • >> Paul: IT'S A SHAME REALLY.

  • >> Dave: YEAH.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: THAT IS HOW I USED TO

  • HAVE FUN.

  • >> Paul: I KNOW.

  • >> Dave: NOW WHEN I USED IT DO

  • IT THERE WERE NO LAWSUITS AND I

  • DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO REHAB.

  • IT WASN'T -- YOU JUST GET OH,

  • STOP CALLING ME.

  • THAT IS WHAT YOU WOULD GET AND

  • YOU -- OF COURSE YOU WOULD STOP

  • CALLING.

  • >> CALL SOMEBODY ELSE.

  • >> Dave: EXACTLY, THAT'S RIGHT.

  • >> YEAH, WELL ANYWAY Dr. PHIL IS

  • ON THE PAT O'BRIEN SHOW -- NO,

  • WRONG, WHO IS ON THE --

  • >> PAT O'BRIEN IS ON THE DOCTOR

  • PHIL SHOW.

  • >> Dave: PAT O'BRIEN IS ON THE

  • DOCTOR PHIL SHOW.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> YOU'VE HEARD THE SHOCKING

  • VOICE-MAILS.

  • NOW PAT O'BRIEN COMES CLEAN TO

  • Dr. PHIL ABOUT HIS LONG HISTORY

  • THEN AFTER LISTENING TO AN HOUR

  • OF Dr. PHIL'S BULL --, HE DIVES

  • HEAD FIRST INTO A PILE OF PILLS

  • AND BOOS.

  • ONLY ON CBS.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: I'M TELLING YOU,

  • SOMETHING.

  • IF YOU CAN'T GET DRUNK AND CALL

  • WOMEN, THE$POPULATION OF THIS

  • PLANET WOULD BE ZERO.

  • >> Paul: YOU GET DRUNK, CALL

  • THEM, THEN THEY INVITE YOU OVER.

  • >> Dave: WELL, YEAH.

  • >> Paul: IT DOESN'T ALWAYS

  • HAPPEN.

  • >> Dave: YOU HAVE TO DO

  • SOMETHING TO GET YOUR NERVE UP,

  • DON'T YOU.

  • >> Paul: YEAH, YOU HAVE A TAKE A

  • DRINK OR SOMETHING INTO MAYBE I

  • HAVE SAID TOO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF

  • HERE.

  • YOU KNOW, STAR WARS IS COMING

  • OUT.

  • AND TALK ABOUT STAR WARS, BOY,

  • THERE HAS BEEN --

  • (LAUGHTER) BABE A CARD ♪♪

  • OH YEAH.

  • STOP CALLING ME, I'M SERIOUS.

  • THESE ARE MOTHER'S DAY CARDS.

  • THEY'RE BRAND-NEW BUT IF YOU

  • HURRY YOU CAN RUN RIGHT OU TO A

  • CARD STORE OR THING AND GET

  • THEM.

  • WHAT OTHER STORE COULD YOU GET

  • THEM.

  • >> Paul: PRETTY MUCH THAT'S IT.

  • A CARD STORE.

  • >> Dave: UH-HUH, OKAY.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: HERE WE GO.

  • NUMBER ONE, MOM, SORRY YOUR

  • ELECTRONIC ANKLE BRACELET WON'T

  • ALLOW YOU TO MEET ME FOR DINNER.

  • OR BRUNCH.

  • >> Paul: IF YOU HAVE ONE OF

  • THOSE BRACELETS YOU CAN'T REALLY

  • MAKE DINNER OR BRUNCH.

  • >> Dave: THA

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: NUMBER THREE.

  • LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

  • MOM, THE GUYS AT SCHOOL ENJOY

  • THE NAKED PHOTOS OF YOU ON THE

  • TERNET.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

  • ARE YOU IN LUCK BECAUSE TONIGHT

  • WE ARE GOING TO SHOW YOU WHAT

  • THE SAME MOTHER'S CARD JOKE

  • WOULD LOOK LIKE IF IT WERE DONE

  • ON SPANISH TELEVISION, YOU KNOW

  • WHAT I'M SAYING.

  • IN A DRAM ATIZATION WE WILL SHOW

  • YOU WHAT THIS SAME JOKE WOULD

  • LOOK LIKE PRESENTED ON SPANISH

  • TELEVISION.

  • [♪♪♪]

  • [SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

  • [♪♪♪♪]

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: SPANISH TELEVISION.

  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • OKAY.

  • >> Paul: IT'S FUNNY ON SPANISH

  • TELEVISION.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: EVER SINCE YOU WERE ON

  • THAT REALITY SHOW MY FRIENDS

  • THINK YOU ARE A SHUT.

  • MOTHER'S DAY CARDS.

  • YOU NOTICE THEY CHANGED OVER THE

  • YEARS.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • INTO OKAY NOW, ANOTHER ONE.

  • DAD MAY HAVE TEN WIVES BUT YOU

  • ARE THE BEST OF THEM ALL.

  • LOVE CAITLIN BIN LADEN.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: I WONDER WHAT THIS JOKE

  • WOULD BE LIKE, THIS MOTHER'S DAY

  • CARD, IF THE SAME THING WERE

  • PRESENTED ON A SPANISH

  • TELEVISION SHOW.

  • [♪♪♪]

  • [SPEAKING SPANISH]

  • [♪♪♪♪]

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: AND FINALLY, WHAT ARE

  • THE CHANCES OF THIS WORKING?

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: LAYOFF THE COUNTRIES Y

  • CREAM YOU ARE STARTING TO LOOK

  • LIKE

  • >> Dave: YOU KNOW WHAT, LADIES

  • AND GENTLEMEN, WE DECIDED OUR

  • INTERNS, EVERY SEMESTER WE GET

  • COLLEGE INTERNS AND THEY COME

  • AND THEY WORK AND THEY LEARN HOW

  • TO DO, TO WORK IN TELEVISION AND

  • SO FORTH.

  • WELL, OUR CURRENT LATE SHOW

  • INTERNS ARE NEARING THE END OF

  • THEIR TIME WITH US THIS SPRING.

  • SO WHAT WE THOUGHT WE WOULD DO

  • TONIGHT IS INVITE ONE OF THE

  • INTERNS OUT HERE AND HAVE HIM OR

  • HER DESCRIBE A MEMORABLE MOMENT

  • FROM THIS PAST SEMESTER.

  • I THINK THIS IS A NICE WAY TO

  • SEND THEM OFF.

  • SO HERE NOW, I WANT YOU TO GIVE

  • A NICE WELCOME TO OUR PRODUCTION

  • INTERN FRANK MACKELROY.

  • COME ON OUT AND TELL US ABOUT A

  • MEMORABLE MOMENT FROM YOUR

  • INTERNSHIP.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> TWO WEEKS AGO I FINALLY GOT

  • TO MEET DAVE.

  • WE ROAD IN THE ELEVATOR

  • TOGETHER.

  • DAVE PRETENDED TO CHECK HIS CELL

  • PHONE AND VOICE-MAIL SO HE

  • WOULDN'T HAVE TO TALK TO ME.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU, FRANK.

  • GOOD LUCK.(APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A

  • TALENTED ACTOR STARRING IN A NEW

  • FILM ENTITLED "KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

  • IT OPENS ON FRIDAY.

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ORLANDO

  • BLOOM!

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • INTO WOW!

  • PRETTY GOOD.

  • >> WELL, I THOUGHT SINCE YOU

  • LIKE TO SEE ME IN COSTUMES I

  • DIDN'T WANT TO LET YOU DOWN.

  • >> Dave: TREMENDOUS, AND

  • SOMEBODY PREDICTED IT WOULD BE A

  • POLICE OFFICER.

  • AND YOU LOOK GREAT.

  • >> Paul: THIS IS ACTUALLY MY

  • REAL GIG, YOU KNOW, THE ACTING

  • IS A PART-TIME THING.

  • >> Dave: THIS IS -- THIS IS

  • PROBABLY A STORY THAT YOU ARE

  • TIRED OF FELLING, BUT THE IDEA

  • THAT YOU WERE IN THE SCHOOL, YOU

  • WERE IN LIKE DRAMA SCHOOL IN

  • LONDON S THAT RIGHT.

  • >> Paul: THAT'S RIGHT.

  • >> Dave: AND TWO DAYS BEFORE YOU

  • LEAF SCHOOL, YOU GET LIKE A

  • MAJOR MOTION PICTURE, DO I HAVE

  • THAT CORRECT.

  • >> Paul: THAT IS CORRECT.

  • >> Dave: AND HOW OLD A KID WERE

  • YOU, LIKE 21 OR SOMETHING.

  • >> Paul: 22.

  • >> Dave: 22 YEARS OLD.

  • HOW MANY YEARS HAD YOU BEEN

  • STUDYING ACTING AT THAT POINT.

  • >> Paul: WELL, I MOVED TO LONDON

  • WHEN I WAS 16 BECAUSE I WANTED

  • TO BE AN ACTOR.

  • I FINISHED MY EDUCATION.

  • >> Dave: WHAT HAPPENED AT 16

  • THAT MADE YOU WANT TO BE AN

  • ACTOR.

  • >> Paul: YOU KNOW, IT WAS

  • ACTUALLY YOUNGER THAN THAT, I

  • USED TO SEE THOSE GREAT

  • CHARACTER ON TV OR EVEN ON THE

  • STREET, STREET PERFORMERS OR

  • THEATRE PERFORMERS OR FILM

  • ACTORS.

  • AND WHEN I WAS ABOUT 9, I WAS

  • LIKE WOW!, I REALIZED THEY WERE

  • ACTUALLY ACTORS AND NOT THOSE

  • CHARACTERS, I THOUGHT WELL, IF I

  • INDO REALLY.I CAN BE ANYONE I

  • >> LUCKY TO BE ALIVE FOR GOD'S

  • SAKES.

  • NOW THESE MOVIES, A LOT OF YOUNG

  • GIRLS GO TO THE MOVIES.

  • AND A LOT OF YOUNG GIRLS ARE

  • EXCITED TO SEE YOU.

  • NOW THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME

  • IN MY LIFE.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Paul: I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

  • >> Dave: NO, HONEST TO GOODE, IT

  • NEVER HAS.

  • NOT A LOT, YOU KNOW.

  • AND SO WHAT IS THAT LIKE IN YOUR

  • DAILY LIFE?

  • IS THAT -- IT HAS GOT TO BE A

  • GOOD THING OR DOES IT GET TO BE

  • A NUISANCE AFTER A WHILE?

  • >> YOU KNOW, A FRIEND OF MINE --

  • I WAS REALLY KIND OF NERVOUS

  • ABOUT ITO BEGIN WITH WHEN IT

  • STARTED TO HAPPEN.

  • AND A FRIEND OF MINE SAID TO ME,

  • HE SAID JUST RELAX.

  • HE SAID THERE WILL ALWAYS BE

  • YOUNG PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THERE

  • WILL ALWAYS BE THE NEXT NEW BOY

  • BAND, THE NEXT NEW YOUNG ACTORS

  • THAT PEOPLE WILL WANT TO PIN

  • THEIR HOPES, DREAMS AND

  • ASPIRATIONS ON TO SOMEBODY.

  • IF YOU ARE THAT PERSON FOR THAT

  • YOUNG PEOPLE WHILE THAT WINDOW

  • PASSES ENJOY IT AND GET ON WITH

  • IT.

  • FROM THAT POINT ON I WAS LIKE

  • YOU KNOW WHAT, IF IT WASN'T FOR

  • THIS PEOPLE, THIS MOVIE KINGDOM

  • OF HEAV EVEN IS A HUGE MOVIE, I

  • KNOW RIDLEY SCOTT GAVE ME THE

  • OPPORTUNITY BUT I DON'T KNOW

  • WHETHER THE FOX STUDIO HAVE HAVE

  • GIVEN A GAMBLE ON ME IF IT

  • WASN'T FOR THE SUPPORT OF MY

  • FANS SO I'M HUGELY GRATEFUL TO

  • THEM FOR THAT.

  • >> Dave: VERY NICELY SAID.

  • >> Paul: BUT WHEN ARE YOU OUT IN

  • PUBLIC IS THAT A PROBLEM.

  • CAN GO OUT TO DINNER.

  • >> WHEN I'M NOT WORKING I JUST

  • TRY TO KEEP IT AS NORMAL AS

  • POSSIBLE.

  • WHEN ARE YOU WORKING AND PEOPLE

  • THINK YOU COULD BE IN AN WEAR.

  • WHEN A FILM CREW COMES TO TOWN

  • IT IS LIKE THE CIRCUS COMES TO

  • TOWN AND PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING TO

  • SEE THE STARS.

  • BUT WHEN I'M NOT WORKING I JUST

  • TRY AND KEEP IT AS REAL AS

  • POSSIBLE TO STAY GROUNDED AS

  • POSSIBLE.

  • >> Dave: AND JUST SCREAMING

  • GIRLS EVERYWHERE?

  • >> IT CAN BE A LITTLE BIT LIKE

  • THAT.

  • >> AND WHAT DO Y DO, DO YOU

  • JUST KIND OF STEP OUT OF YOUR

  • TRAILER AND GO HEY, GIRLS?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Dave: IS THAT WHAT IT IS

  • LIKE?

  • AND WHAT DOES THAT FEEL LIKE?

  • >>.

  • >> FIRST THING IN THE MORNING IT

  • CAN FREAK YOU OUT.

  • >> Dave: I WOULD THINK SO.

  • >> OH, THEY ARE THERE ALL DAY?

  • >> IN SPAIN THEY WERE SCREAMING

  • AT THE WINDOW ALL NIGHT.

  • >> Dave: IN SPAIN IS.

  • >> I WONDER WHAT THAT WOULD BE

  • LIKE ON A SPANISH TELEVISION

  • SHOW.

  • AND NOW "KINGDOM OF HEAV EVEN --

  • HEAVEN" AND "TROY" AS WELL.

  • BUT KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, TELL US

  • ABOUT THIS.

  • THIS IS A FASCINATING FANTASY

  • TALE, MOHR OR LESS, ISN'T IT?

  • >> NOT REALLY

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I DO HAVE, I HAVE

  • SOMETHING FOR YOUR SON ACTUALLY,

  • I WILL TAKE THISfTm OFF BECAUSET

  • IS IN MY POCKET AND I CAN'T --

  • THIS IS FOR YOUR BOY.

  • IF YOU HAVEN'T KNIGHTED HIM YET

  • YOU WANT TO MAKE HIM A KNIGHT AS

  • SOON AS POSSIBLE.

  • I GOT IT UPTOWN IN MIDTOWN FROM

  • A SHOPíOÑ CALLED ENCHANTED, A

  • LITTLE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR

  • FOR HIM.

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • ED.

  • >> I THOUGHT WELL IF YOU HAVE A

  • KNIGHT GET HIM STARTED IN THE

  • FILM OF KNIGHTHOOD.

  • >> I WILL JUST REMOVE ALL OF

  • THESE CHOKING HAZARDS.

  • BUT TILL IT IS THE SENTIMENT.

  • >> IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT

  • COUNTS.

  • >> Dave: BUT ANYWAY, YOU PLAY A

  • KNIGHT, YOU ARE KNIGHTED AND

  • TAKEN OFF TO A CAUSE, TO FIGHT

  • IN A CAUSE, THAT RIGHT.

  • >> YEAH, I AM.

  • YOU MEET THE CHARACTER I PLAY AT

  • THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE, HE

  • IS IN AN A NILISTIC STATE OF

  • DISILLUSION.

  • >> Dave: WIFEBR DIED, SON HAS

  • DIED.

  • >> EXACTLY, AND6 HE HAS AT A LOS

  • HOW GOD COULD ALLOW THIS TO

  • HAPPEN AND GOES TO THE HOLYFO8

  • LANDS TO FIND FORGIVENESS FOR

  • HIS SINS AND THE SIBS OF HIS

  • WIFE.

  • HE PLEATS HISO+ FATHER PLAYED BY

  • THE GREAT LEAN KNEESON. -- A DIH

  • INTEGRITY AND I THINK HE HAS

  • REALLY TACKLED IT, TAKEN IT BY

  • THE HORNS.

  • >> WE WILL TAKE A LOOK AT THE

  • SECOND OF IT.

  • >> IT IS "KINGDOM OF HEAVEN" DO

  • YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING TO

  • SEE, ORLANDO?

  • >> TELL ME.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> I DO KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING

  • TO SEE.

  • WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE BIT

  • WHERE I THINK I'M GOING TO

  • KNIGHT A GROUP OF PEASANTS IN

  • ORDER TO ATTACK.

  • >> Dave: OKAY, OPENS ON FRIDAY,

  • "KINGDOM OF HEAVEN"

  • >> BE BRAVE AND UPRIGHT THAT GOD

  • MAY LOVE THEE.

  • SPEAK THE TRUTH EVEN IF IT LEADS

  • TO YOUR DEATH.

  • SAVE GOD THE HELPLESS, THAT IS

  • YOUR OATH.

  • AND THAT IS SO YOU REMEMBER IT.

  • RISE A KNIGHT, RISE A KNIGHT!

  • WILL YOU ALTER THE WORLD?

  • MAKE HIM A KNIGHT MAKE HIM A

  • BETTER FIGHTER!

  • YES.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: POWERFUL.

  • VERY POWERFUL.

  • KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.

  • ORLANDO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR

  • BEING HERE.

  • GREAT PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU WITH

  • US.

  • >> Dave: HOW ARE YOU?

  • WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

  • HOW ARE YOU?

  • NOW FIRST OF ALL, DO YOU THINK

  • YOU HAVE THE KANGAROO WORMS.

  • >> I MAY BRING ONE OUT HERE IN A

  • MINUTE AM I COULD HAVE THEM.

  • I WAS ON KANGAROO ISLAND AND ALL

  • THEY HAD TO EAT WAS KANGAROO.

  • I ATE IT AND THEY SAID IT COULD

  • HAVE WORMS.

  • THEY IF IT IS COMMERCIALLY

  • RAISED YOU DON'T HAVE TO -- I

  • DON'T WANT -- KANGAROO IS LIKE

  • COWS OVER THERE, THEY ARE EVERY

  • WRP.

  • I DON'T LIKE EATING IT BUT IS

  • THE ONLY THING I HAD TO EAT.

  • >> Dave: WAS IT TASTY,

  • ENJOYABLE.

  • >> IT TASTE LIKE KANGAROO I

  • NEVER TASTED IT BEFORE,.

  • >> Dave: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK

  • YOU MAY BE BESET WITH WORMS.

  • >> BECAUSE I JUST GOT BACK 72

  • HOURS AGO AND LOST ABOUT THREE

  • POUNDS.

  • >> Dave: THAT IS WORMS.

  • >> I NEVER SEEN A KANGAROO WORM.

  • >> IS THAT COMMON.

  • >> NO, THE DOCTOR NEVER HEARD OF

  • KANGAROO WORMS.

  • >> IT MAY BE A FIGURE AM YOUR

  • IMAGINATION.

  • >> THE GUY TOLD ME I COULD GET

  • WORMS AFTER I ATE IT.

  • >> Dave: THE WAITER.

  • >> NO, NOT THE WAITER, THE MAN

  • WHO GREW THE KANG A RADIO.

  • I DON'T GO TO RESTAURANTS WHERE

  • I GO FILM.

  • I'M OUT IN THE WILD, IN THE

  • BUSH.

  • >> THE WAITER.

  • >> YOU THIS IS A MEMBER OF THE

  • RODENT FAMILY, AN OTTER.

  • THEY ARE FUR BEARING, CARNIVE

  • RUSS, THEY ARE MARSUPIAL, THEY

  • LIVE IN TREES AND THEY SWIM IN

  • WATER.

  • >> NO, THIS IS A BABY OTTER,

  • NEVER HAD AN OTTER.

  • >> Dave: VERY SOFT FUR.

  • >> THEY RIPP COMING BACK IN

  • MONTANA, OHIO.

  • >> Dave: THEY WERE ENDANGERED.

  • PEOPLE HADN'TED THEM.

  • >> FOR THEIR FUR.

  • ISN'T THAT GORGEOUS.

  • I JUST THINK THEY ARE --

  • >> BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO

  • DOMESTICATE THEM.

  • >> NEVER, THEY CAN BITE THE FIRE

  • OUT OF YOU.

  • >> Dave: DO WHAT.

  • >>.

  • >> Dave: .

  • >> BITE THE FIRE OUT OF YOU, IT

  • ONLY A BABY.

  • YOU CAN KISS IT.

  • >> Dave: I DON'T WANT TO KISS

  • THE OTTER.

  • >> IS A BABY.

  • >> Dave: I'M NOT KISSING THE

  • OTTER, JACK.

  • >> I TELL YOU WHAT, YOU WANT TO

  • SEE IT SWIM.

  • >> Dave: YEAH.

  • THAT IS WHAT OLTERS LIKE TO DO.

  • >> EXACTLY.

  • THEY'RE VERY SOCIAL.

  • JUST STAY RIGHT THERE.

  • >> BITING THE FIRE OUT OF

  • SOMEBODY.

  • >> WATT CERTIFICATE JUST RIGHT.

  • --

  • >> THANK GOD SOMETHING HAS GONE

  • RIGHT TONIGHT.

  • OH, LOOK AT THAT.

  • >> LOOK AT THIS.

  • THIS IS LIKE NATIONAL

  • GEOGRAPHIC.

  • >> Dave: BUT JACK, THE WATT

  • CERTIFICATE NOT DEEP ENOUGH,

  • REALLY.

  • >> YOU KNOW, I WAS WORRIED T IS

  • A BABY, DAVE.

  • >> Dave: HE IS JUST WALKING,

  • HE'S WADING.

  • >> HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HIM

  • SINK.

  • >> Dave: I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM

  • SINK.

  • >> THAT IS WHY, YOU PUT A BABY,

  • YOUR BABIES START SWIMMING YOU

  • PUT THEM --

  • >> HE IS LIKE WALKING AROUND A

  • DAMP BASEMENT

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> DAVE,.

  • >> Dave: GOT OTTERS IN YOUR

  • BASEMENT?

  • CALL THE COLUMBUS ZOO.

  • >> DAVE, WHEN YOU TEACH YOUR

  • CHILD HOW TO SWIM YOU PUT THEM

  • IN A SHALLOW POOL.

  • THAT IS WHAT I TRIED TO DO.

  • >> Dave: BUT YOU ARE SAYING THAT

  • AT THAT AGE THE OTTER LIKELY

  • DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM.

  • >> I NEVER BEEN AN OTTER.

  • I IMAGINE.

  • >> Dave: ALL RIGHT.

  • >> OH, DAVE, DAVE -- THANK YOU.

  • THAT IS THE --

  • >> THANKS FOR NOT WALKING IN

  • FRONT OF THE CAMERA.

  • >> THAT IS A GOOD POINT.

  • DIDN'T PUT THE POOL OVER THERE.

  • WHOA!

  • >> DON'T EVER DO THAT.

  • >> Dave: I I SEE A THING FLYING

  • AT ME.

  • >> DAVE, DAVE, WATCH THIS.

  • >> OH!

  • >> LOOK AT THIS, THEY EAT SNAKES

  • IT.

  • >> Dave: THAT IS A RUBBER SNAKE.

  • >> BUT WATCH HIM BEAT THIS SNAKE

  • TO DEATH.

  • >> Dave: I DON'T WANT HIM TO EAT

  • A RUBBER SNAKE.

  • >> WATCH THIS.

  • >> Dave: WHAT KIND OF BIRD.

  • >> A SARANOMA.

  • WATCH THIS, DAVE -- A WATER

  • BIRD?

  • LOOK AT THIS, HE EATS SNAKES,

  • THAT IS WHAT HE DOES, HE BEATS

  • THEM TO DEATH.

  • LOOK, LOOK AT HIM, IS THAT COOL?

  • HE JUST KILLED THE SNAKE.

  • GIVE HIM YOUR SNAKE.

  • YOU'VE GOT ONE UP THERE

  • SOMEWHERE.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> TAKE THAT SNAKE AGAIN, FIRST.

  • LOOK AT THIS, WATCH.

  • I LOVE THAT.

  • IS THAT COOL OR WHAT?

  • >> WHERE DID WE FIND THESE

  • BIRDS.

  • >> THIS HERE IS A STORK, SOUTH

  • AMERICA, LONG LEGS, WHERE DID

  • THE SNAKE GO.

  • >> Dave: ARE THEY WATER BIRDS.

  • >> THEY ARE NOT WATER BIRDS, ARE

  • THEY?

  • THESE ARE PRAIRIE BIRDS OUT IN

  • THE BUSHES AND LOOK FOR SNAKES.

  • LOOK AT THIS.

  • I LOVE THIS.

  • OH, THE SNAKE TURN OVER THE

  • WRONG WAY.

  • BAM, WATCH THIS.

  • DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S

  • SOMETHING.

  • >> Dave: NOW WHAT DO THEY DO

  • ONCE THE SNAKE IS DEAD?

  • >> THEN THEY EAT IT BUT SEE WHAT

  • WE'RE DOING IS --

  • >> THAT IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL.

  • >> IT'S A RUBBER SNAKE.

  • >> Dave: I UNDERSTAND THAT.

  • ANYWAY,.

  • >> THAT IS GREAT, ISN'T IT.

  • >> Dave: THAT IS NICE, JACK.

  • CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT THE

  • BIRD.

  • >> THEY HAVE LONG LEGS AND IT'S

  • FROM SOUTH AMERICA.

  • IT IN THE PRAIRIES AND ITS

  • COUSIN IS THE PERMEISTER AND IT

  • HAS SHORT LEGS.

  • >> TWO DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE

  • SAME BIRD.

  • >> BUT IN THE BUSTARD BIRD, THEY

  • ARE A BIG OLD BIRD, THANK YOU SO

  • MUCH.

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU.

  • >> THAT GREAT, ISN'T IT.

  • >> Dave: BUT THE BIRD FLIES,

  • RIGHT.

  • >> HE FLIES.

  • >> Dave: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

  • HERE WITH JACK HANNA, LADIES AND

  • >> Dave: LIKE THAT.

  • LOOK AT THIS, JACK.

  • LOOK AT THIS.

  • JUST LIKE THAT, TAKE YOUR SUBBER

  • SNAKE, BANG.

  • JUST LIKE THAT.

  • >> MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS

  • IT'S RUBBER.

  • >> Dave: OKAY.

  • OH, IT IS A POODLE.

  • >> NO, IT NOT.

  • GUESS WHAT THIS IS?

  • >> WOW!, I HAVE NO -- I CAN'T

  • EVEN.

  • >> I DIDN'T KNOW EITHER.

  • >> Dave: JACK, WHAT HAVE YOU

  • DONE, IS THIS SOMETHING FROM THE

  • LAB.

  • >> NO, IT'S -- IT IS A RABBIT.

  • >> Dave: OH THIS IS THE RABBIT.

  • >> NO, THIS ISN'T IT.

  • >> Dave: OH, THIS ISN'T IT.

  • >> THIS ANOTHER KIND OF RABBIT.

  • I GOT THE BIG RABBIT COMING.

  • >> Dave: BUT WHAT IS THIS.

  • >> THIS IS AN ANGORA.

  • LOOK AT THAT.

  • >> Dave: OH MY GOD.

  • NOW THERE IS A RABBIT.

  • >> HOLY GOD ALMIGHTY.

  • >> WOW!.

  • >> Dave: THAT IS THE THIRD

  • LARGEST RABBIT IN THE WORLD

  • PROBABLY.

  • >> AN ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BE

  • THIS LARGE.

  • >> I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE THAT

  • BIG.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> HIS BABIES ARE -- THIS RABBIT

  • DAVE, WON ALL THE RIBBONS --

  • >> FOR BIG RABBITS.

  • >> PROBABLY THE BIG RABBIT, I'M

  • NOT SURE WHAT CLASS IT IS IN.

  • >> HEAVYWEIGHT RABBITS BUT IS

  • THE RABBIT FULL OF STEROIDS,

  • JACK.

  • >> I KNEW THAT WAS COMING UP.

  • NO, WE DID NOT FEED IT STEROIDS.

  • >> WILL THIS EFFECT ITS

  • LONGEVITY.

  • >> IT PROBABLY COULD, HAVE A BIG

  • DOG, DIDN'T LIVE TOO LONG.

  • >> HOW OLD IS THIS, WHAT IS THE

  • BUBBEE'S NAME.

  • >> THIS IS JACK, JACK RABBIT.

  • I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T NAME ALL

  • THESE, HOW WOULD I KNOW THE

  • NAMES OF ALL THESE ANIMALS I

  • >> Dave: ASK SOMEBODY BACKSTAGE.

  • >> WHAT IS THE NAME, Mrs. B.

  • THEY TOLD ME IT IS A FLEMISH

  • GIANT RABBIT NAMED Mrs. B.

  • >> I GOT TO SHOW YOU SOME MORE

  • ANIMALS.

  • >> ALL RIGHT, JACK.

  • BUT YOU NEVER REALLY SAID

  • ANYTHING ABOUT THAT ONE.

  • >> THIS IS AN AN GORA RABBIT,

  • ANGORA COAT, FUR.

  • YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT REAL COOL.

  • >> Dave: WE CAN'T EVEN SEE

  • ANYTHING IN THERE.

  • >> YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M

  • GLIINGD.

  • IT IS A RABBIT.

  • >> Dave: IT COULD BE A PUPPET,

  • JACK, IS ALL I'M SAYING.

  • >> IT COULD BE, NO, IT'S NOT A

  • PUPPET.

  • LOOK AT THIS HERE THIS IS FROM

  • BUSCH GARDENS, WILLIAMSBURG, ONE

  • OF THE FEW PLACES IN THE WORLD

  • YOU SEE THESE.

  • DAVE T THIS HERE IS A HAIRY

  • ARMADILLO.

  • NEVER IN MY LIFE --

  • >> WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.

  • >> LOOK OUT.

  • OH, DAVE, NOTHING.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: SORRY, I'M SORRY.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE IS A

  • MALE?

  • JACK, DON'T INTERRUPT THEM,

  • JACK.

  • >> YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT

  • THIS IS.

  • HAVING ARMADILLO'S BREED IS

  • RARE.

  • >> Dave: IS IT RARE?

  • >> I'M GLAD WE COULD BE HERE FOR

  • THIS.

  • WHAT YOU ARE SEEING RIGHT NOW, I

  • KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO CUT IT

  • PROBABLY BUT WHAT YOU ARE SEEING

  • HERE IS RARE.

  • >> Dave: IS UNUSUAL, YES.

  • >> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN -- HAVE

  • YOU EVER SEEN AN ARMADILLO

  • BREED?

  • >> NO, NEVER.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: YOU BETTER GET THEM OUT

  • OF THERE, JACK.

  • BECAUSE HE WILL BITE INTO

  • SOMETHING ELECTRIC.

  • JACK, YOU GET THEM OUT OF THERE

  • BECAUSE THEY WILL BITE INTO

  • SOMETHING ELECTRIC.

  • >> DAVE, THEY HAVE NO TEETH.

  • >> Dave: OH, WELL THEY -- THE

  • ARMADILLO DOES NOT HAVE TEETH.

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • >> THEY DON'T HAVE TEETH.

  • >> Dave: DON'T HAVE TEETH.

  • >> WHERE IS THE ARMADILLO.

  • >> OH!

  • HERE HE IS.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> DAVE, DAVE, DAVE, THOSE --

  • >> HORNY BASTARDS, AIN'T THEY?

  • >> DAVE, I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

  • THAT CAME FROM ANOTHER ZOO.

  • THAT WAS MY FEMALE.

  • SO I DID NOT -- I SWEAR, THAT IS

  • AMAZING.

  • >> WELL, GOOD.

  • >> SO THIS IS A GOOD THING.

  • IF IT HAS A BABY I'M GOING TO

  • NAME IT DAVE.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: JACK HANNA, LADIES AND

  • GENTLEMEN.

  • DWID

  • Captioned by

  • Media Access Group at WGBH

  • access.wgbh.org

  • >> WHEN I LEFT INDIANA 30 YEARS

  • AGO, NOT ONCE DID I THINK THAT

  • ONE DAY I WOULD HAVE ARMADILLO'S

  • SCREWING ON MY DESK.

  • JUST NEVER DAWNED ON ME THAT

  • THAT WAS A LIKELIHOOD OR A

  • POSSIBILITY.

  • >> Paul: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

  • >> WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • MY THANKS ALSO TO JACK HANNA AND

  • ORLANDO BLOOM.

  • TOMORROW ON THE PROGRAM, LUKE

  • WILSON AND CASABIAN.

  • THAT'S THE PROGRAM.

  • NOW TRY TO GO TO SLEEP.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

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