I think it's a sheep's ear or something.

No! Come on!

Well, this is what I wanted to say is

it's been very interesting having a dog

because I grew up mostly vegetarian

and I'm really bad about meat

but with her I'm like

"Bring on the meat."

If I didn't give Sugar a bull's penis

that bull's penis would be in the garbage

because they were gonna kill that bull anyway

to feed it to a human.

So me giving her a bull's penis

is actually like using the animal

as much as you can.

I'm giving her a what?

A bull's penis. She loves 'em.

Oh man. Can't get enough dick.

[music]

This week we have a domestic question. Sorry.

Who are you apologizing to?

All the fans that love it when I sing.

Patrick from Sacramento,

which I know is in California,

(It's the capital of California)

What's up San Jose, sorry 'bout that.

"What do you do if you're not attracted to anyone?"

Be super successful.

Get your taxes done on time.

Play tennis.

Adopt an animal.

Do you even know what I could have acomplished

in high school theater if I wasn't attracted to people?

I think asexuality is incredibly valid.

I think it's a very under represented sexuality

that people don't talk about

or that people think is something

broken or wrong and it's actually not.

What do you mean "valid"?

Of course it's valid.

Yes, we're saying that because

we're enlightened, smart people.

(I think that) you're just...you said the thing that

like a parent would say

that's also offensive.

The point is that I think

it doesn't get its due in terms of

like the spectrum of sexuality.

This is not what he's asking

he's asking what do you do.

Travel the world.

Learn how to cook.

You also can have a partner,

it just doesn't have to be a sexual partner.

Oh that's true.

I mean, that's the best.

Yeah, and this opens a can of worms

in which I have to, uh, bring up

some of your behaviors.

What?

Just like that are sort of on the

asexual spectrum.

If love is a spectrum,

Look, yes, OK, here we go,

So if we have a spectrum

asexual to bisexual.

That's the spectrum?!

Yeah, 'cause it's asexual,

attracted to no one,

heterosexual you're attracted

to one sex, bisexual

attracted to both sexes.OK.

That's brilliant, and if no one's figured that out yet

I'm...--

(so the spectrum is)

I'm willing to let you call that

the Raskin scale.

So let's say so you're on this end

in the pansexual, you know,

(great)

Honestly, if we went all the way,

maybe a little beastiality.

No!!! Now you're--

(I'm just saying)

Now we're in trouble! Now--I'm just saying

No you can't--In terms of

what you're attracted to

some people, I think, are

attracted to animals.

Allison, you can't equate pansexuality

with beastiality. I'm putting my foot down.

Fine, we'll cut that from the scale

that'll be an addendum

50 years after my first textbook.

So you're on this end with the pansexual

(great)

An then I'm in the heterosexual

tipping into asexual.

Wow. This is...I feel a big moment.

Do you think that that is wrong to say?

I don't think it's incorrect,

from what I know about you.

I don't think it's incorrect at all.

Why would it be correct?

Because, OK, some people do this thing

where they say, ah, that

they are like bi-romantic,

meaning that they can have romantic feelings

for men and women, but are

heterosexual, meaning they only want

to have sex with men. Or, they can say like--

Oh! I might be bi-romantic. What's that?

Now you're just saying things!

I like to look at ladies.

I almost like to look at ladies more

than I like to look at men.

That's called being a straight girl.

I would say that you are

hetero-romantic...(yeah), asexual.

No! (OK)

I'm not asexual.

But that's what I mean, like

hetero-romantic couches it.

In terms of like you wanna date men.

But I'm not asexual. I think that that's

an unfair thing for me to say.

So you're just in that realm.

I think I'm, I'm touching it.

Because I say that I'm that because

I'm attracted to so few people.

Yes.

But I am attracted to some people.

So then I can't say that I'm asexual.

No but that's the thing

It's so misunderstood I think

everything is so nebulous and people think

that asexuality is one thing and it's not

it's like, it's not a monolith, as they say.

A what?

A monolith, like, uh, like when you say like

a community is not a monolith, it's not

like just one thing. There's multitudes

of types of people in all these different communities.

I really hope this Raskin scale thing takes off.

I'm worried that I'm offending people,

because I don't identify as asexual.

I think also people can go, slide back

and forth on that scale.

Here's the other thing, I don't think you

have to identify as anything.

Correct.

It's just stupid.

Yeah. I think you can just--

It's not stupid because yes it's

nice to have an identity, I like

to tell people I'm a New Yorker when I'm in

Los Angeles, but you don't need it (yes),

and if you can't clearly classify

yourself then it's fine.

The problem here now people won't

use my scale.

OK.

Did Kinsey make a lot of money?

I wanna get in on that sexuality racket.

I'm not asexual.

Yeah, I think we established that.

I'm just not attracted to a lot of people.

And I think touching most people

is gross.

OK great, well--

[It] doesn't give you the heeby geebies?

Can you imagine kissing all the people?

It's disgusting!

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