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  • Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99

  • "WEAR SUNSCREEN!"

  • If I could offer you only one tip for the future, "sunscreen" would be it.

  • The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

  • whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

  • I will dispense this advice NOW!

  • Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

  • Oh, never mind.

  • You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

  • But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself

  • and recall in a way you can't grasp now

  • how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

  • You are not as fat as you imagine.

  • Don't worry about the future.

  • Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective

  • as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

  • The real troubles in your life are apt to be things

  • that never crossed your worried mind,

  • The kind that blindsides you at 4 pm

  • on some idle Tuesday.

  • Do one thing every day that scares you.

  • Sing

  • Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

  • Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

  • Floss

  • Don't waste your time on jealousy.

  • Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

  • The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

  • Remember compliments you receive.

  • Forget the insults.

  • If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

  • Keep your old love letters.

  • Throw away your old bank statements.

  • Stretch

  • Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

  • The most interesting people I know

  • didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

  • Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

  • Get plenty of calcium.

  • Be kind to your knees.

  • You'll miss them when they're gone.

  • Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

  • Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

  • Maybe you'll divorce at 40.

  • Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

  • Whatever you do,

  • don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.

  • Your choices are half chance.

  • So are everybody else's.

  • Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.

  • Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

  • It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

  • Dance

  • Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.

  • Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

  • Do not read beauty magazines.

  • They will only make you feel ugly.

  • "Brother and sister together we'll make it through,

  • Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there

  • I know that you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you

  • and I'll be there just helping you out

  • whenever I can..."

  • Get to know your parents.

  • You never know when they'll be gone for good.

  • Be nice to your siblings.

  • They're your best link to your past

  • and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

  • Understand that friends come and go,

  • but with a precious few you should hold on.

  • Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle,

  • because the older you get,

  • the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

  • Live in "New York City" once,

  • but leave before it makes you hard.

  • Live in "Northern California" once,

  • but leave before it makes you soft.

  • Travel

  • Accept certain inalienable truths:

  • Prices will rise.

  • Politicians will philander.

  • You, too, will get old.

  • And when you do,

  • you'll fantasize that when you were young,

  • prices were reasonable,

  • politicians were noble,

  • and children respected their elders.

  • Respect your elders.

  • Don't expect anyone else to support you.

  • Maybe you have a trust fund.

  • Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.

  • But you never know when either one might run out.

  • Don't mess too much with your hair

  • or by the time you're 40

  • it will look 85.

  • Be careful whose advice you buy,

  • but be patient with those who supply it.

  • Advice is a form of nostalgia.

  • Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,

  • wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts

  • and recycling it for more than it's worth.

  • But trust me on the sunscreen.

  • "Brother and sister together we'll make it through,

  • Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there

  • I know that you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you

  • and I'll be there just helping you out

  • whenever I can..."

  • Everybody's Free,

  • Everybody's Free...

  • To Feel Good!

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99

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