and maybe something like this runs through your mind. “Whoa. What if that’s why he

didn’t text me last night? What’s their relationship like? Are they close? Did he

tell her about me? Does he talk to her about our fights? What if he went home with her?

Oh my gosh. What if he kissed her? Oh my gosh. What if he was in her bed? Ugh! Does she do

the stuff that I refuse to do? What if they get married? What if I end up being the girl

who every guy dates and then he finds his wife in the next person? What if I never get

married? Ugh. I’m going to be alone forever.” Today, yes, we’re going to talk about overthinking

because it happens to all of us and it can be a torturous experience to overthink, kind

of like a train that leaves the station and is rocketing down the tracks in the wrong

direction – whoa! – kind of like. this. The train’s going by, headed down to a place

that’s like Miserable Town. And what you want to do is you want to grab the brakes,

pull the brakes, and stop that train before it drags you down to a miserable place so

you can get ahold of your thoughts and emotions again, and I’m going to give you five tips

on how to do that right now. Step number one is notice that you’re on

this spiral overthinking thought train. Just by noticing when it’s happening, that actually

puts you in a position of power because now you can choose whether or not you want to

allow that train to pick up speed and momentum by linking all these negative thoughts together,

or you want to stop that train in its tracks and point it in a new direction.

Step number two is you want to hit the pause button and breathe. You want to de-charge

yourself a little bit. You can meditate, you can journal, but what you don’t want to

do is start venting to a friend before you even know the outcome of the scenario. And

here’s why. There’s a bunch of research now that shows that neurons that fire together

wire together. In other words, when you call a friend and you start venting, “What if

this and what if that and what if this?” it ends up firing those same neurological

pathways which reinforces a negative belief about your man. Imagine this Facebook scenario:

if you are describing him with this other woman, then you’re reinforcing a belief

about him that you’re later going to have to undo when you figure out that what you

worried about wasn’t even correct in the first place. Remember, 95% of the stuff we

worry about never happens in the first place. So hit the Pause button and breathe.

Step number three is you want to make a date with your worry or make a date with your doubt.

You know, I was taught early on when I was young, growing up, that you don’t have to

worry just because worry comes upon you. You can actually schedule that and say, “No,

I’m not going to worry about you now. I’m going to worry about you later.” And here’s

a quick example of this. When I was little, like two or three years old, my father came

home, told my mom that he had lost his job. It was a Monday night. And I’m the youngest

of four kids and she’s like, “Oh my gosh. You lost your job. How are we going to afford

to feed these kids? I want to go back to school. I was just getting ready to quit my job so

that I could go back to school and now I’m not going to get to go back to school. I’m

not going to have my, you know, career that I’ve always wanted.” She could feel herself

about to leave on this negative thought train and instead she paused and breathed and said,

“You know what? I am not going to worry about this now. I’m going to worry about

this scenario on Friday. Friday at 4:00, I will start worrying.” And she scheduled

her panic. She scheduled her worry. And interestingly

enough, on Thursday – you know, every day that the worry tried to creep back up and

say, “Worry about this, worry about this,” she said, “No, no, no. I’m going to worry

about you on Friday at 4:00. We’ve got a date. Friday at 4:00, then I will panic.”

On Thursday afternoon my father came home and said, “Guess what?! I’ve got a new

job. It’s better pay, it’s shorter hours. I can ride my bike to work. The hours are

actually better. I’m going to be able to spend more time with you and the kids.”

So by Thursday, he already had a better situation, a better job. And the best part is she didn’t

have to suffer the way she had suffered before those three days waiting for that job to happen.

So number three is make a date with your worry. Schedule it. And you can either schedule it

for a random time like a Friday at 4:00, or you can schedule it based on a particular

event that’s going to happen, like, “I’m going to worry after I talk to my boyfriend

or after I talk to my man about this particular event, but I’m going to talk to him first

before I allow worry to overtake me.” Step number four is vision the best, but know

that you can handle the worst. In other words, redirect the train from imagining the worst-case

scenario to what would be the best-case scenario. So in the story with my dad getting a job,

the thought, “Well, what good could come of you losing your job? What if you got a

job that paid better, that had better hours, that was closer, that was something you actually

enjoyed more?” So when you start this, when you feel yourself overthinking, ask yourself

the question, “Hmm. What good could come of this? What would be a positive outcome?”

And know that even if it is the worst-case scenario, even if it is the worst outcome,

you’ll handle it. You have handled every worst-case scenario that’s been thrown your

way your entire life and here you are stronger, smarter, more capable than ever before. Anything

that comes your way, you know that you and your higher power, you’re going to be able

to handle that together. And step number five is to learn more by taking

action. So what conversations do you need to have in order to learn more? What action

do you need to take in order to remedy the situation? There’s always one step that

you could take to either become clearer about the situation so that your mind doesn’t

build a bunch of imaginary monsters about what possibly might go wrong or might not

happen or what have you, but what action can you take, what can you learn? And as you do,

you’ll get more clarity on the situation at hand. And here’s the key: you want to

take the action from this place of positive expectancy rather than expecting the worst.

So for example, in the case of the boyfriend who had his picture with his female coworker,

the action you could take would be to have a conversation with him. But you don’t want

to have that conversation from this place of negative expectancy, like, “So where

were you? Why did you end up having your picture taken with her? So does she like look better

in jeans than I do? Like what is it? What’s going on? What’s going on with the two of

you?” Like that conversation from a place of negative expectancy is very different than

a place of believing the best, visioning for the best outcome, knowing that you can handle

the worst but giving the best outcome the attention in your mind.

So there you have it. Those five steps will help you when you feel yourself overthinking,

when you feel yourself riding this thought train to a place that’s dragging your emotional

state downward. You’ll be able to pause it, brake it, point it in a more positive

direction, and ultimately create a more positive outcome for you.

So now I would love to hear from you. What strategies work for you when you are overthinking?

When you’re spiraling down, you can really feel that state going on, what strategies

work for you that help you calm the mind and bring yourself back to center? Go ahead and

post a comment below. I love reading your comments. And, as always, there’s a link

in this video that will help you attract the relationship you want, it will help you understand

the hearts and minds of men in a deeper way. So if that matters for you, go ahead and click

the link and you can get that resource. And if you like this video, share it with someone

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