and that logically therefore, the sexiest scenarios must also be the ones involving

the greatest amounts of nudity

but the truth about excitement is rather different. At the core of sexiness is an idea:

The idea of being allowed into someone's life

when the memory of having been excluded from it, is at its most vivid

sexiness stems from a contrast between prohibition and acceptance, it's a species of relief

and thanks at being given permission to touch and go anywhere

oddly, this gratitude is likely to be most prevalent, not when one's being granted full license by someone

but when one is on the borderline. When one's only just been lent a pass

and when the memory of the taboo nature of touching others is still intense

the reminder of the danger of rejection brings the wonder of being included into sharp ecstatic relief

this explains why the decision to keep one's clothes on a bit longer than strictly necessary

to deliberately keep clothes on during sex can prove such a turn-on

to heighten excitement we may design a scenario in which we are allowed only to press against one another

never moving beyond guilty caresses and small thrusts

like we might have been forced to do in early adolescence or in a nunnery in the 1300s

such games mean we can keep revisiting the incredible idea of permission, the outer garments evoke the barriers

one's finally been able to cross with impunity. We are, via the game, trying to get over a trauma around exclusion

once we're used to being undressed around someone, the wonder they've allowed us into their lives

is liable to get lost and taken for granted

the game of keeping one's clothes on, tries to keep the interest of nakedness alive by drawing attention to its privilige and intimacy

the game symbolizes a poignant celebration of the beauty of being, at last, granted permission