Zootopia, yet another stage in Hollywood’s quest to make me sexually attracted to rabbits.

The film takes place on Earth in the 24th century, after the humans had wiped themselves

out and animals raided their wardrobes. Our protagonist is the exhaustinglyenthusiastic

Judy Hopps, who leaves behind her white trash family in order to become a cop, the most

venerated of all professions.

Even though Judy graduates Phi Beta Carotene, the chief puts her on parking duty because

she’s too small to succeed. Kind of like too big to fail, but, you know... misguided.

Thankfully, the assistant mayor is also a lil’ pipsqueak, and out of solidarity she

helps Judy worm her way onto a missing otter case. Then, in Judy’s first act as a protector

of truth and justice, she blackmails a hard-working entrepreneur into becoming her unpaid intern.

Judy and Nick the intern discover that the missing otter went all savage on his limo

driver, which is weird because limos are pretty much the chillest way to get to prom.

The driver blames it on “night howlers,” and then moments later he too goes Ballistic:

Ecks vs. Sever on their asses. Judy and Nick escape in the Judy and Nick of time, then

use traffic cameras to follow some pretty shaggy-looking horses, on account of the old

wolves tale that horses howl at the moon.

Lo and behold, they find the otter and a bunch of other missing predators, still straight

acting the fool. But also the lion mayor is there, so they have him arrested for plot

purposes and replaced with the sheep lady from before. All the Zootopioids start panicking

about predators being psycho killers, qu'est-ce que c'est. Judy hop hop hop hops back

home for her annual botany lesson, where she learns that “night howlers” aren’t horses

at all, but rather a type of flower that makes you zonked in your bonker. So she goes back

to Z-town and heads over to the secret bad guy laboratory where some sheeple are making

night howlerade.

I call them sheeple because they are literally sheep that act like people, but also because

they are followers. And who are they following? Another sheep, of course: the new mayor. She

shoots Nick with the syrum dealio and he goes into beast mode. But don’t lynch him just

yet, ‘cuz he was playing make-pretend, and really he was shot by a tiny blue watermelon.

They do the not-a-cop-out-at-all movie trick of recording the bad guy’s admission of

guilt, and Judy and Nick become partners. Sex partners? That’s for the viewer to decide.

And draw. And send to me.

At the heart of Zootopia lies the question of nature vs. nurture: Is identity biologically

determined, or can we elevate ourselves by incorporating nurture somehow? At the beginning

of the film, we are led to believe the veneer of civilization is the only thing keeping

predators from going apeshit, batshit, tigershit, et cetera.

In public, Nick is on his best behavior, bucking the negative stereotypes commonly associated

with foxes. But in private, his sly nature rears its adorable head. And when predators

begin reverting to their primitive ways, the biological determinists are all

"I told you so”.

But when it turns out the whole thing was just because of some obscure poison, the animals

realize biology is not to blame. I mean, the biology of the plants is to blame, but that’s

not really what we’re talking about right now.

The film illustrates the fallacy of relying on prejudice by inverting all its previously

established stereotypes: Judy’s fox bully from childhood is now a pacifist pastry chef.

Flash, the slow sloth from all the trailers, is a speed demon drag racer. The dumb bunny

solves the case and the sly fox gets an honest job. The meek “lamb” assistant mayor is

actually the ruthless mastermind behind the entire conflict, and probably doesn’t even

need those glasses.

Zootopia mirrors the social and political landscape of 20th century America, when efforts

began in earnest to balance some of society’s glaring inequalities, sort of. The Mammal

Inclusion Initiative is similar to various Earthling diversity and affirmative action

programs designed to level the playing field for underserved minorities, and in the case

of women, majorities.

The parallels are accentuated by the use of language associated with the PC movement.

Not to be confused with the Mac movement, which was a sleeker but more expensive movement.

And just like in 20th century America, the citizens of Zootopia are able to fix all their

social ills just by trying hard and being optimistic. Easy peezy, lemon sneezy. God

bless you. Peace and tranquility for the entire animal kingdom. Not counting reptiles and

amphibians and fish and birds and insects. They’re all dead I guess. Boy, for a movie

about inclusion, they sure do go out of their way to ignore all the freaks and uggos.

For Earthling Cinema, I’m Garyx Wormuloid. Go forth, and multiply.