[W-PSHH!]

TOP O' THE MORNING TO YA, LADDIES!

My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to "Papers, Please!"

[*in-game garbled foreign language*]

[cheerfully] Next, please!

Move it along!

Hello, little lady!

Look at yer little head~

[*scanner beeping*] Your weight is different...

Did you take a poop before you got here?

Um... We're gonna have a "Denied,"

and we're gonna have a reason,

[threateningly] and we're gonna say get the fuck out of my line.

[cheerily] Ah-buh-bye~!

[*in-game foreign language as transition*]

I can do all this shit now!

[*erratic button pressing/beeping/clacking*]

[*in-game foreign language transition*]

[Robotically] Matching.

[more robotically] Matching.

[even more robotically] Matching~

[robotic] Ohh. Numbers. Matching.

So good.

[*buzzing*] Feels good~

[*in-game language transition*]

[*voicing guard character*] "I fought in Kolechia for 5 years."

"You think this is bad?"

"In Arstotzka, is 10 times worse than Kolechia."

[*unfitting circus music intensifies + screams*] "Do not blame them for coming here..."

[*music ends abruptly*] "Anyways you are doing well, keep it up."

[normally] Thanks, bro!

Brofist!

...He brofisted me before he left.

You couldn't see it because it's all pixelated.

[*in-game language transition*]

Everybody go home,

I have to go back to my wife and kids!

[*Struggles to get into the rubbish bin*]

[*metallic clatter*]

Everybody gets medicine,

everybody gets heat and food,

Ohh, it's like fuckin' krizzity-Christmas up in here!!

[*in-game language transition*]

[fearfully] Ohhh, gawd...

[nervously] Good morning, Inspector...

[*as Inspector*] "I just have a few questions for you."

Okay...

[very quietly] I'm scared...

[*paper rustling*] "Have you seen anything like this?"

*Moment of guilt*

AHH!

[*ceramic shattering*] FUCK!

NO!

Uhh, NO! [*paper crinkling*]

[*buzzer*] DETAINED!!

[*in-game language transition*]

[cutely] Hello, little potato man~!

[normally] Oh, you're the one that always causes trouble

You've, like, fake tickets, don'tcha?

See? He's like, "I wanna get in,"

but he doesn't even have any fucking documents.

[*grate clangs*] WHOA!

[*buzzer sirens*] What happened?!

NO!! Get back!

[frantic] H-He tried to jump the border, you can't do that,

You have to go through the checkpoint--

DUDE!!

NO!

[*guns firing*]

He got shot--

[*explosion*] NOO!!

[*potatoes, french fries, and potato chips plopping down*]

[mournfully] 'Tato bro...

You were always my favorite!

[♪"Papers, Please" main theme ♪]

[in Slavic accent] GLOOORY TO ARSTOTZKA!!

GREATEST COUNTRY...!

MAKE US PROOOOUD!!