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  • -Why aren't you wearing glasses? -Cause you're wearing glasses.

  • -Yeah, but we can both have glasses.

  • -No, it's hard to tell women apart. What's the thing you're

  • trying to do? - One thing was--and you

  • ruined this by not wearing your glasses--

  • I'd try to get, like, a nerd audience.

  • -Ohhhh.

  • -Just so I can really capitalise on like the gamers and

  • the nerds

  • and like anime and like all those viewers.

  • -Are you just saying words that you've heard?

  • Just start listing

  • (imitating her) and roleplays! And LARPs

  • -LARPers! Oh, I would get a LARPer.

  • We've gotta try something! We're losing subscribers!

  • We're nowhere near a million.

  • Whatever we're doing is not working, Gaby… -But you

  • -...and we need to get a new batch of people.

  • - Okay, but you trying to go for like the nerd core is not going to do it.

  • - What, do they not know enough about SEGA?

  • Intro music

  • -This week, we have a domestic question.

  • - (Chanting) USA! USA! - Well

  • - (Still chanting) Move to the moon! (Both) Move to the moon!

  • - Oh God it's all so bad.

  • - It's so bad and I don't know what to do and it's so sad and scary and

  • why are we making this stupid show when the world is falling apart?

  • Everything is terrible. - Mhmm.

  • - Everything is so scary and everybody's dying andanyway.

  • (Sighing) Should you admit dirty secrets to your BFF?

  • - Tavi from Miami sent a question asking if she should tell her BFF

  • that she hooked up with her… - SEX!

  • - Yeah, that she had sex with her currentthat girl's current boyfriend

  • - Okay so let's give that friend a name because you're not explaining it well.

  • So there's Tavi -Right

  • -Our protagonist. -Right.

  • - There's her best friend Mia - Okay

  • - Uh, Mia has a boyfriend, they've been together for

  • a long time now. Really happy. His name is Kent.

  • -Okay… - Before Mia and Kent got together,

  • Tavi and Kent had SEX! - Okay.

  • - And now Tavi is wondering if she should tell Mia that her

  • and Kent did the nasty. - But it was, like, a long time ago.

  • - We don't know how long! - She said it was a long time ago,

  • according to the email! - It wasn't cheating.

  • I don't know why, when they started dating,

  • she didn't say it. - From the very beginning,

  • she should have been likeright after they fucked she should

  • have texted her friend and been like, ‘Yo! I just fucked

  • Kent! That's crazy!’ - Well maybe Mia didn't even

  • know who Kent was and Kent was just some guy

  • she bumped into in a coffee spot and then she's telling M....

  • she's tellingand then she's telling Tavi

  • Hey, I met this great guy at a coffee shop!’ .

  • And you know, you don't introduce your friends

  • right away, so her and Kent are hanging out,

  • they're getting more serious, Tavi goes out of town

  • so by the time she comes back,

  • Mia and Kent have been like in love for like a full month and

  • now, what, and then she meets Kent at a party and

  • is likeOh my God I had sex with this guyand they

  • both just lock eyes and think, ‘don't say anything’.

  • - I don't think I keep secrets from you, but I certainly

  • I don't… maybe I'm not telling you all the things.

  • - What? What are you not telling me?!

  • - Oh, just... a lot of stuff!

  • - You have-- uh! That's not okay, you should tell me

  • everything. - Uhh, do you want to know

  • a dirty secret? - Yes!

  • - Ok. Um, I did, uh, go on a date with your cousin.

  • - What?! - Yeah, yeah. I went on a date with

  • your cousin Matt. We matched on Tinder, I went on a date

  • with him. - Why didn't you tell me?

  • - Cause, uh, I had sex with your cousin.

  • - That's fine! I wanted you to go on

  • a date with my cousin!

  • - Interesting. Okay that was a lie, that was a test.

  • - What?!

  • - I didn't go on a date with your cousin. (Laughs)

  • - Why would you say that you did?

  • - To, likeas a test to see how mad you'd be.

  • - I wasn't mad, I just like was excited and I didn't

  • know why you didn't tell me. - Great! So now in the future,

  • I know I can tell you things!

  • - … Did you have sex with my cousin?! Gaby,

  • what have I always said to you?

  • - What?

  • - I'm gonna be more mad about the fact that

  • you didn't tell me something than whatever the the thing is.

  • - That's how I feel too! That's-- polyamory!

  • It's better to say the whole thing than to keep some of it,

  • and then they find out later and get mad.

  • - When did you fuck my cousin?

  • - I have not fucked your cousin.

  • - I have like a bunch of secrets fromfrom you.

  • - Oh yeah? What are they?

  • - (Coughing) I've a ton of secrets from you!

  • - Oh yeah? What are-- you can't even get the word out!

  • - Oh! I have one secret for you!

  • - What is it. - I'm not sure if this secret

  • is a lie or not though.

  • - What do you mean you're not sure this secret is a lie?

  • - Because the information was given to me by somebody

  • I don't trust. And so I don't even know

  • if the information is true or not.

  • - Is this secret even about you?

  • - It's about you. - Oooh, what is it?

  • - I don't know if it's true though! - Someone that we both know

  • said a secret about me, to you?

  • - Okay. Do you wanna do this right now?

  • - What is it? What does ithave to do with.

  • - So a long time ago, we pitched a show to Paramount.

  • And Paramount passed.

  • -Yes!

  • - My manager at the time said that they passed

  • because they didn't like you specifically.

  • - (Laughs)

  • - That was my only secret I had from you. And now

  • I… -Really? That's it?

  • - ...and now I… and now I've told you.

  • I… it was a lot.

  • - Yeah! I'm incredibly off-putting. Like, what

  • about that are you not getting?

  • - That might not have been the term,

  • but it's what I assumed it was.

  • I didn't relay… I didn't…

  • - That's really been bothering you?

  • - No! It's not bothering me, but when you

  • when I thought, do I have

  • any secret that I've ever kept from her,

  • like a thing that I've actively kept from you--

  • - Right. - That's the only thing I've

  • ever kept from you! - I don't… right.

  • I don't mean to downplay this for you, I'm sure

  • I'm sure… - I really thought this

  • was gonna be huge.

  • Well, what have you been keeping from me?

  • - Oh, tons of shit. (Laughs)

  • - Are you serious? - No. No. Not at all.

  • Cause you'd needle it out of me.

  • -When did you fuck my cousin?!

  • -(Laughs)

  • Closing music

  • Subtitles by the Amara.org community

-Why aren't you wearing glasses? -Cause you're wearing glasses.

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