But at Apple, we pride ourselves on thinking different.

That's why with the iPhone 7, we've done something that,

at first, seems counter-intuitive, and then is.

We've made it worse.

- We removed the headphone jack and that's all.

That's the new, that's the newness right there.

It's just the lack of a thing that was there and now

it's not.

It's gone, it's not there anymore.

Tada.

- Once we conceived of this exciting new update.

Oh no, downdate, it was so beautiful in the way that it

allowed me to go home at two PM.

- It's all about simplicity

Everything will run through one port

Now, you might be asking yourself, "What if I want to charge

"my phone while listening to music?" Shit.

- Apple has always pioneered sleek beautiful

design, which is why you will fucking hate the literal

parade of (mumbles) you need to plug it into anything

as or more complicated than a doughnut.

- Oh!

You could just go buy a pair of Bluetooth headphones,

there you go, problem solved.

And if you normally use your headphone jack to plug

into your car, then fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck, you're fucked.

The you're fucked and then I'm fucked

And then I'm fucked because you're fucked

- Our users expect for us to introduce new

innovative, and exciting features every year.

To those users, we say, you try introducing new,

innovative, and exciting features every year.

I mean, what else do you want a phone to do?

Make you cum?

- With the new iPhone, oh this is the old iPhone

You know, they look exactly the same.

Which would make you wonder, "Why should I just get

"an iPhone 6 since it is cheaper and apparently now better

That's because please

Please don't.

- Along with the worse iPhone we're, like,

out of our minds excited to introduce a whole new line

of Apple products made with the same philosophy

The iPad Backs which is just two iPad Backs stuck together.

The iPod Brickle which can only play Brickle

And the Apple watch which we couldn't figure out a way to make worse than it already is.

- If I'm being honest, I'm starting to get really scared

of Jony, he's just taking away things at random at this point.

All the G keys on our keyboards have disappeared.

My car's wheel disappeared, I can't get home.

- Just be grateful I left you any ports at all.

I wanted to make it an impenetrable glass brick,

but Tim said no.

- Our design department used to have 12 people,

now there's only eight.

What happened to the other four?

- Careful, Tim.

- I miss Steve.

I miss Ste--

- Oopsie daisy! Where did Tim go?

The iPhone 7. Jony giveth and Jony can taketh away.

- Hi, it's Mike Trep from College Humor.

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