the all new,

Completely redesigned,

iFhone seven, (music stops) iFhone 8 (music kicks back in)

When we released the iFhone 7

People complained that it was basically the same thing as the 6, just that we added another camera

But this time we made sure that wasn't the case

We added 2 more cameras

To give us the first ever quad-camera experience

People who think it is stupid or unnecessary to have 4 cameras on one phone

Just don't understand that now with the quad-camera,

You can take 1 picture, and you'll have 4 of that same exact picture

You could never do that before!

Just think about what you could do with that!

If you're a parent of quadruplets, you don't need to get all of them to sit still for a picture--you just need one!

You take 2 pictures, you got the point of view of a spider just like that!

You don't have to take 8 individual pictures anymore,

I mean even for video

The video resolution alone,

You film one K and you're shooting 4 K(s) now

Which is kinda one of the reasons why we went from the dual-cam

straight to the quad-cam and skipped the tri-cam

Because you know if you film with the tri-cam

the resolutions a little...

Well too Samsung for us, it's a little too edgy.

The last thing we want is for people to get heated over this and explode on us, you know.

Another thing that people really criticized us for when we released the 7

was the lack of new iPhone colors.

Even though we did introduce two new colors:

Black and Jet Black

people still weren't pleased for some reason.

So, this time around, in addition to the original colors,

we're also announcing a bunch of new and fresh colors

for the iFhone 8, ranging from Matte Black to Shiny Matte Black,

Light Skin Brotha Black, Jack Black, Jack Black On a Hot Day,

Look, I could keep going, but we'd be here all day.

Just know that all these new colors will never get old

Because they're all black.

Black? Black don't crack. (Phone screen shatters)

And even with all the things we've announced so far--

The craziest thing about the iFhone 8--the price.

You ready for this?

We are pricing the iFhone 8 at exactly one dollar.

One dollar! It's--it's pretty much free!

I mean, of course, there are a few add-ons that you're gonna need.

Just like the 7, the iFhone 8 doesn't have any headphone jacks

So if you wanna use headphones

you have to buy the wireless ones.

Not a big deal.

We did change the charger port again

Uh, we actually added two more charger ports to make it faster

All three ports are different so you have to get all three different chargers

And actually they don't plug into the wall anymore

They only plug into our 3D MackBooks so you have to get those as well.

Couple more fun new features for the iFhone 8--

We also took all of the lighting capabilities out of the iFhone

So you'll have to purchase the iLight

If you wanna use flash or the flashlight on your phone

We made it a lot easier to text and write messages

with the iBoard, so your phone actually doesn't have a keyboard anymore--

you actually need the iBoard if you wanna write anything.

The iFhone 8 comes with the premium color version of every app

so you also have to purchase YouTube Red and Facebook Blue

and Snapchat Yellow and so on.

Also if you want any reception or Internet of any kind

You'll need the iCellPhoneTowerMini

This one is actually not wireless so that the Internet's faster

so you have to bring it wherever you go.

Also, Siri is no longer in the phone.

We actually made her external

So you have to buy a person as well.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention

One of the biggest new features we developed

Unlike the 7, which was only water resistant

We finally developed a way to make the iFhone

completely water proof.

All you have to do is use our new highly advanced iFhone case called the...

iAndroid.