- Hyderabad, India.

(neighing and hooves beating)

What up, everyone?

It's your girl, Superwoman

and yes I am in India right now for my book tour.

Right off the bat, shameless plug.

I'm also going to all of these other places.

To get your tickets, link is in the description.

www.LillySinghBook.com/tour

Just saying.

Okay, enough of that.

Now because I'm traveling so much,

I've been in airports a lot

and airports are always fun

said no one ever.

JK. JK.

They're all right.

I mean I guess it depends

if there's a McDonald's.

Anyways, here are the types of people

you will for sure see in airports.

Number one, the liquid smugglers.

So you're waiting in the security line, right?

Waiting to put your stuff onto the belt

and walk to the machine

which by the way is for sure

giving all of us some sort of disease.

I can't wait until 2050

where we all just have tails for no reason.

But anyways, you're about to walk through this machine

and the most annoying thing about this entire process

is that person who works there

that just sounds like a robot

and is all like, "All right people

"I need laptops out by themselves,

"shoes off, everything out of your pockets.

"No water bottles or liquids in your bags

"and stay with your bin

"and push your bin into the machine."

This person annoys me so much

because they're so monotone and repetitive.

But you know who's more annoying than this person?

The goddamn passenger that ignores

everything this person is saying.

I really don't understand.

Okay, there's a sign that tells you the rules.

There's a real life person yelling out the rules.

How are you confused?

Because straight up everything around you

is just like "Laptops by themselves."

And you step up to the spot like "Ready."

"Shoes off."

"Ready."

"No water bottles."

"Ready."

And without fail, every single time,

the entire line will be held up

because not only will someone

have a water bottle in their backpack,

they're gonna argue about it.

Just like "What do you mean?

"It's just water.

"Nobody told me about the water bottles.

"I was never warned about the water bottles."

And I'm just standing there with my goddamn bin

since you were warned about the water

more than the poor people on the goddamn Titanic.

Get the F out of here.

Hurry up to the lines,

so I'll go through this machine and get a tail,

be mother effing Avatar up the joint.

Okay, the heat is getting to my head.

Number two, evil airline staff.

Here's the thing about airline staff, right?

Is they're either Mother Teresa or Voldemort.

Okay, there's no in-between.

It's either nice or pure evil.

You walk up to the little kiosk in the airport

where you gotta give your bags and check in

and you're in a great mood.

Okay, you're like I'm at the airport,

I'm about to go on a vacay.

Let me go up to this person

and be like "Hi, how are you?"

And then that chick behind the counter's just like

"Welcome to your tape."

Because, straight up, I make it a point

to be really nice to that person

that's checking me in and taking my bags

because I know she's about to weigh my suitcase

and let's be real,

my suitcase is 100% overweight.

My makeup bag alone weighs like 20 pounds.

It's filled with all those lip glosses I never use.

So I'm just like "Hi, great day!

"How was your day?

"Look how personable I am.

"Don't look at the scale, look at me.

"Look how long my hair is."

Now the limit is 50 pounds

and I am overjoyed when I see my suitcase is 50.1

and I'm like, my god, I'm such a light packer

until this chick says to me,

"Ooh, that'll be a hundred dollars overweight charge."

And I'm just like, "A wha?

"Overweight?

"Girl, I will open up my suitcase

"and take out a single Q-tip, okay?

"Don't be trippin'.

"You can't let 0.1 slide?"

It's just a fact, some airline staff

want to make your life hell.

Just like, "Yes, Ma'am, here's your boarding pass.

"If you'd like a seatbelt with your seats

"that'll be an additional $60.

"Oh what's that? What's that?

"Sorry, speak up, Sir.

"Oh, you're vegetarian?

"Well, we only serve steak so...

"Oh, you requested a window seat? Okay.

"Here's a middle seat in the middle of the plane

"with a seat that doesn't recline.

"Bye now!"

Number three, doodlers.

So right before you walk into the security line,

you go and give your passport and your boarding pass

to someone who is sitting in that little booth

and they check your documents.

They take a pen and they scribble something

on your boarding pass

and I cannot be the only person

that's wondering, "What the F are you writing?"

They literally circle random things

and now I'm stressed

because the markings on my boarding pass

do not look like my friend's boarding pass

and I'm convinced they 100% have flagged me.

That's right. You know why?

Because of my skin.

It's dry.

But honestly, I don't think it means anything.

I think they just all make it up

and it's a scam to make it look like they have a process

when they really don't.

Straight up they're probably just like,

"Okay. Hi. Yes, Ma'am.

"Circle, circle.

"Triangle.

"Let me pretend to look up and match her face

"even though I'm on the wrong page here.

"Okay, dot dot.

"Now I've got my cootie shot.

"Alright. Here you go, Ma'am.

"Actually no, wait one second, sorry.

"Hashtag, that's right.

"Because of the dry skin."

(laughing)

My skin is really dry though with the traveling.

What the hell is this?

Hotels have the weirdest lotions.

Just like cranberry citrus

lemon pepper cotton candy butt hole.

Alright, back to the video.

Number four, baggage bullies.

So you've landed,

you've gone through customs

and now you're going to pick up your luggage.

The moment you touch your suitcase

you can expect 17 porter people, baggage people,

to come and offer you to help with your bags.

Now depending on which country you're in,

these people can be a little bit more persistent

because in some places around the world,

these people will straight up harass you

until you let them help you.

I will just be like, "Oh no, I'm fine.

"It's okay."

And they'll be like, "Ma'am."

"No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Don't help me."

"Ma'am, bags."

"No, I'm good. I really don't need any help."

"Give me your bags."

And even though I've said no like three, four times

somehow this man is now holding my bag

and I'm like "Fine! Help me with my bags.

"I simply cannot manage."

And even when you try asking them.

Like, "How much is it gonna be?

"What's the fee?"

They will never answer you.

"Oh, don't worry. We'll figure it out."

♫ La la la

♫ La la la

with your bags.

And then straight up,

the person helping me with my bags will be like,

"That'll be $20."

Where was the agreement of sale?

Where was the point of transaction?

Why am I getting robbed right now?

Obviously I'm going to give them the money.

I'm not trying to piss off nobody in no foreign country

and get taken.

My dad ain't Liam Neeson.

Call my dad, just be like "Dad, I've been taken."

He just like, "You getting married?"

Number five, the walking dead.

Carl!

Now there are two places in the world

I feel like you can find sleep-deprived soulless people.

Number one is in your school library

and number two is in the airport.

These are the people that are catching that six a.m. flight,

had to wake up three a.m.,

walking through the airport,

holding their pillow, wearing their PJs,

not giving a shred of an F.

Not only are they walking like zombies

but they will take every opportunity

to get a nap even if it's for like four minutes

and I cannot stress how much I am this person.

I get to my gate and I'm like

"Yo, hold up, we got 13 minutes to spare, yo.

"Let me catch some REM sleep real quick."

Oh.

Airports think they're slick.

They put those armrests, dividing the chairs

so that you can't lie down and take a nap.

I'm like, "Bruh, you don't know me, okay?"

I will straight up turn into a contortionist right now

to lie down on these seats.

I've done it before.

Okay let me put my leg

to this armrest right here, okay.

Rest my neck on here, balance,

curve my spine.

(laughing)

Oh my god, I've done this so many times.

This explains a lot.

I'm like this explains a lot.

And if not, if that doesn't work out?

You better believe I will find a creative way to take a nap.

You can catch me at the airport just like--

(Brahms' Lullaby)

(snoring)

But straight up, I love airports

because I love traveling

and I loved meeting all of you on tour.

It is literally my favorite thing to do.

Speaking of which, aside from the tour,

if you haven't got my book yet,

it is available literally

almost everywhere in the world and in bookstores

or you can go to www.LillySinghBook.com.

I'm so happy to announce

it is a New York Times bestseller

for the third week in a row

and I would love to keep this momentum going.

Don't listen to me and read the reviews.

I feel like people really really like the book.

So if you want the book you can get the book.

That's all. Okay, bye.

(yelling)

Namaste.

I hope you enjoyed that video.