- HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?

- SINCE YOU'VE BEEN ON THE SHOW. - A LOT HAS CHANGED...

- BOY, A LOT HAS CHANGED. - IN TWO YEARS.

- I KNOW. LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, I WAS RENEWING YOUR VOWS.

YOU REMEMBER THAT?

- [laughs] YES, I DO.

- YEAH, SO NOW YOU HAVE A BABY. - YEAH.

[laughs]

- CAN WE JUST SHOW A PICTURE OF THAT PRECIOUS BABY?

[audience ohs]

- AW, I WAS TRYING TO BRING SOME NEW PHOTOS FOR YOU,

AND THEY'RE ON MY PHONE,

AND I WAS TRYING TO SEND THEM TO YOUR PRODUCER

TO GET YOU SOME NEW PHOTOS OF HER, SO--

- 'CAUSE HOW OLD ARE THOSE, LIKE, A MONTH OLD?

'CAUSE THEY CHANGE EVERY DAY, RIGHT?

- SHE CHANGES ALL THE TIME.

YOU KNOW, ONE DAY SHE'LL LOOK LIKE KANYE.

ONE DAY SHE'LL LOOK LIKE ME. - MM-HMM.

- IT'S SO CRAZY.

AND HER PERSONALITY IS SO CUTE.

SHE IS REALLY CALM AND REALLY QUIET.

- YOU'RE LUCKY.

- I KNOW. I'VE BEEN TOLD.

I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT IT'S--

- HOW OLD IS SHE NOW? I'M SORRY.

- SHE'S SEVEN MONTHS YESTERDAY.

- WOW.

NOW, HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED A CHILD?

- I ALWAYS WANTED ABOUT SIX.

- REALLY?

- AFTER HAVING HER, I WOULD HAVE A MILLION,

BUT I WOULD--THE PREGNANCY,

I WOULDN'T REALLY WISH THAT UPON ANYONE.

- WELL-- - ANYONE.

- THEN YOU CAN ADOPT.

- I MEAN, I WOULD GO-- IT'S ALL WORTH IT IN THE END,

SO I WOULD DEFINITELY SUFFER THROUGH THAT,

BUT PREGNANCY WAS NOT A GOOD EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

- YEAH.

- I CAN'T--YOU KNOW, WOMEN WHO SAY

THAT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING--

- THEY ARE LYING. - YEAH.

- THEY ARE LYING TO YOU.

I'M TELLING YOU. - I THINK SO.

- KOURTNEY SAID THAT.

MY MOM SAID THAT.

I WAS LITERALLY GIVING BIRTH, AND I LOOKED AT MY MOM,

AND I SAID, "I'M GOING TO GET YOU A MEDAL.

LIKE, "YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING FOR WHAT"--

AND MY LABOR WAS EASY.

BUT JUST THE WHOLE PREGNANCY WAS SO--

I HAD, YOU KNOW, A FEW MEDICAL ISSUES,

SO IT WAS REALLY TOUGH, AND I GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT,

BUT IT WAS JUST-- THEY ARE ALL LYING TO YOU

IF ANYONE SAYS IT'S EASY.

- WHAT IS THE WORST PART ABOUT IT?

I MEAN, OTHER THAN FEELING LIKE

THERE'S AN ALIEN INSIDE OF YOUR BODY.

THAT, TO ME, WOULD FEEL LIKE--

PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "OH, IT JUST KICKED."

I'D BE LIKE, "AH!"

- YEAH. [laughs]

IT'S JUST--YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S A REAL HEAD TRIP

TO TRY AND--

YOU KNOW, YOUR BODY IS GOING THROUGH SO MANY CHANGES

THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN,

AND I REMEMBER KOURTNEY GAVE ME

"WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING,"

AND I SAT THERE IN BED READING IT HYSTERICALLY CRYING.

AND I'M LIKE, "YOU MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE."

LIKE, "I'M GIVING THIS BACK TO YOU.

I HOPE NONE OF THESE CHANGES HAPPEN TO ME."

AND IT WAS JUST--IT WAS REALLY HARD MENTALLY ON ME, I THINK.

AND WITH A FEW, LIKE, PHYSICAL PROBLEMS

THAT I WAS GOING THROUGH,

IT WAS JUST HARD BEING IN AND OUT OF THE DOCTOR'S

AND THE HOSPITAL AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

- AND THEN YOU'RE GETTING HOUNDED CONSTANTLY BY PAPARAZZI,

SO THAT'S NOT EASY.

IF YOUR HORMONES ARE GOING CRAZY ANYWAY,

AND THEN YOU'VE GOT-- YOUR LIFE IS A WHIRLWIND.

- I WAS ACTUALLY REALLY CALM.

MY HORMONES WEREN'T REALLY GOING CRAZY.

WELL, I DON'T THINK.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO ASK, LIKE, KANYE OR SOMEONE, BUT--

- YEAH.

- I THINK I WAS PRETTY CALM.

I JUST--I THINK WITH ALL OF THE MEDICAL ISSUES--

I HAD PREECLAMPSIA.

THAT WAS REALLY TOUGH.

SO--

- I DON'T KNOW PREECLAMPSIA.

I DON'T KNOW--

- IT IS JUST A CONDITION THAT YOU GET WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT

THAT, IT COULD BE PRETTY HARMFUL FOR THE MOM,

SO I HAD TO DELIVER EARLY.

BUT I WOULDN'T TAKE ANY OF IT BACK,

BECAUSE I HAVE THE MOST ADORABLE,

SWEETEST BABY IN THE WORLD.

- SHE'S PRECIOUS.

AND IS KANYE A HANDS-ON DAD?

IS HE A GOOD DAD?

- HE IS, HONESTLY, THE MOST AMAZING DAD.

HE LOVES HER SO MUCH.

HE JUST LEFT TO GO OUT OF TOWN,

SO I SEND HIM A PICTURE AND VIDEO EVERY DAY,

AND HE'S LIKE, "SHE GREW UP SO MUCH."

- AND I'M LIKE, "BABE, IT'S BEEN ONE DAY.

"YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A DAY.

NOT A LOT HAS CHANGED."

BUT HE REALLY IS A HANDS-ON DAD.

HE--

- DIAPERS?

- HE'S NOT A DIAPER KIND OF GUY. AND THAT'S OKAY.

- NO, I DON'T MEAN, DOES HE WEAR THEM.

I MEAN, DOES HE-- DOES HE CHANGE THEM?

- NO, HE'S NOT A DIAPER CHANGING KIND OF GUY.

- NO? - BUT HE WOULD.

YOU KNOW, IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY, HE WILL.

BUT I LOVE THAT TIME.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT I LOVE MY TIME WITH HER

WHEN SHE'S ON THE CHANGING TABLE.

SHE TRIES TO TALK SO MUCH,

AND I REALLY ENJOY THAT BONDING TIME WHEN I'M WITH HER.

- THAT'S JUST-- I MEAN, I JUST--OH.

- THAT'S A NEW THING.

- IS THAT ONE OF THE NEW ONES? DID THEY GET ONE?

- THAT WAS-- WE WERE IN UTAH SKIING,

AND WE WERE IN THIS INTENSE MONOPOLY GAME,

AND SHE JUST WANTED TO SIT AND WATCH THE GAME WITH US.

SO I GAVE--LIKE, HE WAS GIVING HER A LITTLE PIGGYBACK RIDE.

- YOU'RE SO LUCKY THAT WHEN YOU SAY SHE'S GOOD AND SHE'S QUIET--

SO SHE SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT AND STUFF LIKE THAT?

- SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT.

SO THIS WAS HER YESTERDAY.

I WAS TRYING SOME BOWS ON TO SEND HIM A PICTURE OF HER,

'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T WEAR A LOT OF BOWS,

AND MY NIECE, PENELOPE, WEARS SO MANY HEADBANDS,

SO I WAS TRYING ALL THESE BOWS ON HER,

AND SHE REALLY LIKED THEM,

SO I THINK SHE'S GONNA START WEARING SOME BOWS.

- SHE IS ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS.

ANYWAY, WE'LL TAKE A BREAK,

AND MORE WITH KIM AFTER THIS.

[cheers and applause]