My parents are great now and were so strict growing up.

They are both very religious, Catholic believers.

First of all, my dad is the cleanest man alive.

His house is a museum.

I wasn't even allowed to say freaking because it sounded like fuck.

I realized my parents were strict probably some time in elementary school

when other kids got to have sleepovers and I did not.

Unless they knew the kid's parents,

I wasn't allowed to hang out with them, or they were not allowed to come over.

My mom would let me stay at other people's houses,

but then as they were going to sleep, she would just show up and be like, time to go.

I wasn't really allowed to go out after school until I was like 18,

but I would anyway.

I thought I was being like super cool and rebellious,

but I'd just like go skateboarding with friends.

I would bring over my friends who were clearly gay men,

and my parents would like flip out that I was gonna get impregnated in the time that we were playing Wii U.

Every summer, my mom would like sit me down,

and make me learn like half of my math class for the next year.

I went to public school, but then at night, I had to go to Catholic school.

Basically, all day I was in school.

Every Friday night, my mom would allow me to go upstairs to play video games for one hour, exactly.

And then I would have to go down and do math homework with her.

And I would pray that she would just forget.

She never did.

One rule was you have to be home by sunset.

There's a period of time during the fall when the sun goes down at four,

and then I wasn't out of school, and I had to explain that to my dad,

and he was just like, when the sun is down, you are home.

When I was a kid and I lived with my father, it was a little tough.

You know, you kick off your shoes, you're watching TV at the end of the night,

and then you forget, and you go to bed.

The next morning, they'll be in the trash.

He wouldn't throw them in the trash inside the house.

He would throw them in the trash outside of the house.

More times than one, my parents caught me masturbating.

They basically just told me to not do it again.

Like literally for the rest of my life to never jack off again.

My brother was allowed to do whatever he want.

He could be out when the sun was down.

He could be in the room with a girl in our house.

I feel like my brother, if you asked him, would be like, there were no rules.

I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16.

I started dating at 13 and I didn't care,

but I got pulled out of school for that.

My mom was very against dating in general.

And so my counterargument would be like,

oh, so you want me to die an old spinster?

And she just be like, no, I'll just choose your husband for you.

One of the biggest fights me and my dad ever got in was that I was not allowed to wear short shorts or short skirts,

so I had these pair of leggings that I would wear out of the house,

and then as soon as I got to school or wherever else,

I would take the leggings off.

But I had to remember to put the leggings on when I got home.

And sometimes I would forget,

but I would just like run upstairs to my room and hope that nobody noticed.

And then one time I pierced my ear,

and I just came to his house with a pierced ear.

He looked like I slapped my grandmother or something.

That was just an expression,

like he couldn't believe I had done something like that.

I think as I've gotten older,

my relationship with my parents has definitely become more reasonable.

I think my parents could have laid back on the idea that

if I got a B on one class, my life would just be over.

I appreciate that they sheltered me.

It gave me structure to my life, and it made me more responsible.

And I maybe didn't get into as much trouble as I would have.

It makes you appreciate all the stuff that you earned.

It feels like you earned every privilege.

Yeah, I get why my parents were strict.

And if I had a kid like me when I was a kid, that's like my worst fear.

Even though I wish my parents were less strict,

I feel like I'm gonna be more strict than my parents.

Mainly I want funny kids.

I want them to be Vine famous when they're toddlers, or they're useless to me.