[Music stops]

[Deadpool]: Well, I'm an idiot.

I could have sworn the invite said it was a costume party.

[Man coughs]

That guy gets it.

Love the hair.

So, what's tonights theme?

Everyone's dressing like what the 90's thought was tough?

Oh, come on. Bartender me!

Ask me, "Rough day?" while you rub

the same spot over and over.

[Bartender]: Do you ever shut up?

I know. I'm a chatty cathy!

But what are you gonna do? Sew my mouth shut?

Ah-ah-ah-ah!

Don't answer that.

If you stay here, Deadpool...

It's gonna get ugly, real fast.

[Musical cue begins]

Ooh. Was that a musical cue?

Gosh, it disturbs me

to see you Deadpool

In fact, it usually does

'Cause you look like my balls

under that hood, Deadpool

Just thinking of it

kills my buzz

You know, normally that would have just hurt my feelings...

... but, DAMN it. I've always wanted to be in a musical!

There's no man in town

as reviled as you

and hell, they all wish you would die!

Even though you've proven

quite tricky to kill

Everyone's going to

tryyyyy

Noooooooooo

Oooooooone's

Slick as Deadpool

No one's quick as Deadpool

No one punches you

right in the DICK

like Deadpool!

For there's no man in town

half as--

Ooo, chimichanga!

Perfect, give up man, it's gone

You can ask Anna, Natty or Betsy

And they'll tell you who's team

They prefer to be oooooon!

[Black Widow]: Avengers.

[Rogue]: X-Men.

[Deadpool]: Come on, say X-Force!

[Psylocke]: Bugger off, Wade.

[Deadpool]: So, what's going on with this threesome anyway?

Sexy recon? Super "Charlie's Angels"?

Oh! I could be your Bosley!

[Rogue]: Watch your back, sugar.

Noooooooooo

Oooooooone's

Fun like Deadpool

Shoots his gun like Deadpool

Heroes should not kill a ton

like Deadpool

My kill count is really

Intimidating!

Hey, kill that guy!

That Deadpool!

Shoot off his balls

Cut off his route

Hey, sexy friends

won't you please help me out?

Fiiiiiiiirst

Oooooooone

To kill Deadpool

gets to win the dead pool!

If Spider-Man were here

that'd be really cool

You're lucky I was

passing through here

Yaaaay!

Your tights do great things

for your arse!

[Hey, you're no slouch in that way either.]

Thanks, voice!

But every last inch of me's

covered in scaaaars!

[Gun shot]

SHIT!

Mother... fucker!

[Gun shot]

Nooooooooo

Ooooooone

Flips like Deadpool

Changes clips like Deadpool

No one wields katanas

and RIPS like Deadpool

I'm especially good at

DECAPITATING!

Heads roll for Deadpool!

When I was a boy

I humped this unicorn

Every morning to help me get off

But lately I'm thinking

I might hump The Hulk

Tell me, what is that like

Romanoooooff?

Noooooooooo

Oooooooone

Jokes like Deadpool

or provokes like Deadpool

No one else has an ego

to stroke like Deadpool

You guys wanna spoon

and watch Conan later?

NO!

My what a guyyyy

DEADPOOOOOOL

DEADPOOOOOOL [MEEEEEEEEEEE!]

[MEEEEEEEEEEE!]

[Door opens]

HEY! Who's gonna help clean this shit up!?

[Deadpool, distant]: Not it!

[Bartender]: Awww, fucking perfect...

[Instrumental track plays]

[Hey, you made it to the credits! ]

[I'm so proud of you.]

[If you stay until the end, there's a really fun easter egg.]

[You know, Marvel-style.]

[That sounds like a sexual position.]

[Anyway, I digress...]

[While you wait, here's a little something for the kids]

[INGREDIENTS YOU'LL NEED]

[1 pound ground beef, 1 small onion, chopped, 1 clove garlic, minced]

[1 tsp. dried oregano leaves, 1 tsp. crushed red pepper, 8 flour tortillas (6 inch)]

[6 oz. shredded cheese, 2 cups oil, 1/4 cup sour cream]

[1/4 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro]

[If you like cilantro, that is. Some people hate it.]

[Brown meat in large skillet on medium-high heat; drain. Add onions, garlic, oregano and crushed pepper; cook 5 min. of until onions are tender, stirring occasionally.]

[Spoon 1/4 cup meat mixture onto center of each tortilla; top with cheese. Fold in all sides of tortillas to completely enclose filling; secure with wooden toothpicks. Place in single layer on baking sheet. Refrigerate 20 min.]

[Heat oil in large saucepan on medium-high heat. Add chimichangas, 2 at a time; cook 5 min. or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Remove and discard toothpicks. Serve chimichangas topped with sour cream and cilantro.]

[Look at that! A free, fan created Deadpool short film..]

[...and a chimichanga recipe to go with it! It's your lucky day!]

[Good for you. Give yourself a hand!]

[Not like that...]

[...OK, maybe a little like that.]

[Did you know that less than 87% of people watch credits?]

[And 94% of all statstics are made up on the spot?]

[But seriously, all these folks made this thing for you!]

[So, thank you for watching our thing!]

[If you saw this, write something nice! Because you're nice!]

[OK, here it comes... The big end easter egg!]

[Be kind to one another, and enjoy the chimichangas!]

[Excuse me, I gotta get back to work...]

[*Ahem*]

[Broom sweeping sounds]

[Deadpool, quietly]: Come to daddy, precious...

[Metal claw SNIKT!, toy squeak]

[Deadpool]: Uh, excuse me?

That's my unicorn.

[Toy squeak]

[Wolverine]: Go fuck yourself.

[Deadpool]: Oh, let's go do that!

Have you got time for a fastball special?

[SNIKT!]

Oooh, two in the pool, one in the stool?

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