stories from you guys. Here we go.

This first one's from @RockyHoare.

Wait. "Horror" or "whore"?

[ Laughter ]

Cause I was with a rocky whore in the Navy.

I hate to say it, but it's "RockyHoare."

[ Laughter ]

H-O-A-R-E.

Oh, like hoarfrost. Like a --

Yes. Sure.

Why not?

She says...My mother orders frozen margaritas and then won't drink them becasue "they're too cold."

It's like, "Oh!

I can't do that.

Ugh! Freezing!

"I got brain freeze!"

"These frozen margaritas are so cold!"

[ Laughter ]

Then don't order a frozen margarita.

Don't do it. [ Laughs ]

This one's from @poeTAYYtoe.

Oh, nice.

She says...My dad can never remember the name of the Minions from "Despicable Me." He's called them "The Dependables" "The Pinions" and "The Morons."

[ Laughter and applause ]

"I love those morons."

Yeah.

"I love the morons. They're great."

More cheese and crackers?

[ Laughter ]

"Squeeze cheese on a Ritz?"

Uh, yeah, thanks.

This one's from @hullojess, but H-U-L-L.

"Hullo." -"Hullo, Jess."

Hullo.

Hullo.

Hullo, Jess.

She says...

[ Laughter and applause ]

Well, you still have your eyes.

Yeah. Turned them into horns. - So maybe he was right.

Maybe he had a point.

Maybe he had a bunch of points.

Ha ha ha ha!

Save it, save it. Save your energy, guys.

This one's from @CptnSwan4TheWin.

Captain --

You almost run out of characters right there.

You can't tweet anything. - No more names.

Captain Swan for the win.

She says...When my brother and I are away at college, my mom puts scarecrow versions of us at the dinner table to have as guests.

There's a photo.

Lookit -- there's the photo right there she sent in.

[ Laughter and applause ]

"Wonder if mom even knows we're not home anymore."

"They're not eating again, honey."

"Yeah."

This one's from @amyevans1023.

She says... When I was little, my dad trained me to get him a beer when he barked like a seal.

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ Imitating seal barking ]

[ Laughing ] What?

Wait. You're not --

I never knew --

I never knew I had another sister.

Yeah, there you go.

Amy?

This one's from @jennyskorusa.

She says, "My grandma paid to have professional photos taken with one of her dolls and a stuffed monkey."

This is real, by the way.

"My grandma paid to have professional photos taken

with one of her dolls and a stuffed monkey."

She sent a photo. This is it.

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ Laughter continues ]

Genius.

Oh, my goodness.

This last one here is from @ErinBode.

She says..."Instead of XOXOXOXO,my mom ends every email with MPMOMOMOM."

There you have it.

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Go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.