We are so close to achieving a goal, and then...

Excuse me, where do you think you're going?

There they are. Getting in our own way.

Over there.

You're not.

Can you just-

No! Just turn around!

But I like-

*Hiss*

*Hiss*

Okay.

There are many ways that self-sabotaging can manifest itself, some of the more obvious ones being procrastination,

okay, let's do a video...

Write a vi-de-o...

I'll just look at Instagram for some

inspiration

*wailing*

OH my god, how she do dat?

Ewwww...

My god, UGH.

Yeah, video.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, I got it. Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Okay,

just write it, I'll write it, its gonna be great.

self-medicating with alcohol and drugs,

There's so beautiful, please don't tell me Jerome gon' die

Or my personal favorite

comfort eating.

"Hi I have your post mates order? Four pies, right?" and of course there are more subtle ways that self-sabotaging can exist like having

aspirations that you never moved toward or having such a fear of abandonment that you cut ties once anything gets too

emotional or too serious or even just practicing alienating behavior that pushes people away

There are many reasons why we engage in self-destructive behavior, and for me after my sister died

I felt like I didn't deserve to have a good life when she was sitting in an urn in my parents living room, and so

subconsciously, I would make all these very small choices that over time led to me having a miserable miserable life.

I would choose partners poorly

I would have substance abuse problems

And I would run away from anything that made me happy

It took years of therapy to realize that I was even doing this and even years longer to actually

Stop doing it

But once we realized that the underlying cause of my self-sabotage behavior was feelings of unworthiness

And guilt we were actually able to work

Towards stopping that my therapist and I worked to create a dialogue that I could have with myself each time

I noticed that I was being destructive, so I would have to ask myself. "Why am I doing this?"

00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,200 well

"I think I'm doing this because it makes me really happy and that makes me scared because I don't think I deserve to be happy"

"Why don't you deserve to be happy?" "Because I feel really guilty that my sister's never gonna have any emotions again."

"But is it your fault that she's never gonna have any emotions again?" "Technically, no.

I mean suicide was totally her decision if it were up to me

I would have said 'please don't do that'" and I would have to have this very logical Q&A with myself until it would

Emotionally resonate with me that it was all coming from an illogical place of fear if you engage in

self-sabotaging behavior

I really urge you to figure out why you're doing it and when

Because the more you actually notice it the easier it is to stop you just requires you

Challenging this negative thought process again and again and again because on some level you'll intellectually understand it

But it takes a while for it to actually sink in but before you know it years and years of hard work later

you'll eventually stop - yay!

I'm Anna Akana.

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