(screaming)

(grunting)

- Keisha, go on without me.

- No, I can't leave you like that!

- I'll only slow you down!

- Okay, but I hope you make it!

- Keisha wait, before you go,

please tell Greg Matthews that I love him.

- Okay girl, I got you.

- Keisha wait, wait!

What's the name of that one Katy Perry song that goes,

♫ Baby you're a firework

- Firework, girl, I gotta go!

- Keisha wait!

Please!

- What, Kimber?

- Do you like my bangs?

- Oh.

Well you know they are kinda cute,

but they're a little like, crooked right here,

they're just oh my god!

(grunting)

(slashing of metal)

- [Narrator] Every Horror Film Ever.

- And she drifted into the night,

and was never heard from, ever again.

- Scary.

- That story's so not true.

- But you all believed it.

Alright, well I'm gonna go in the forest

and take some selfies by myself.

Be right back!

- So, um.

- [Selfie Girl] Ahhhh!

Someone's stabbing me in the back

super hard!

- Was that Sarah?

- I'm gonna go check on her by myself.

- Do you want me to come with you?

- Whoa, Deb.

I need my space, okay?

I'll be right back.

Geez.

(screaming)

There is definitely someone stabbing

people over here.

I highly recommend nobody come over here.

- [Narrator] Every Horror Film Ever.

(Gasping)

- Oh my god, Carrie, are you moving it?

- No way, are you?

- No!

- Oh my god, this is so scary!

(carnival music)

- Lucy, are you moving it?

- No, are you?

- No.

- This is so scary!

- [Narrator] I see you.

- We have to go into the forest and help them.

- Do you really think that's a good idea?

- I can't just sit here and do nothing!

- Okay, well, just please don't go alone.

- Jared, you come with me.

- We'll be right back.

- Oh, we should probably split up.

- Smart.

- [Both] I'll be right back.

(screaming)

- [Jared] Nobody enter the forest!

(screaming)

- [Other Guy] The only way to survive

is to stick together.

- [Narrator] I think people died in this house.

- Oh my god, I'm the only one left.

Good thing I'm a virgin.

(giggling)

Wait.

You guys are alive?

You guys aren't virgins.

You guys have sex like, all the time.

(screaming)

- It's cool dude, we only do butt stuff.

- Oh my god, I am so sorry.

That's so my bad.

You know, you just get it mixed up sometimes, you know,

yeah, but uh, anyways, you butt (bleep)ers be safe, okay?

- [Narrator] Every Horror Film Ever.

- Weldon, we have to get out of here.

- We need to get out of here ASAP.

But I'm gonna go check on that commotion

in the forest real quick.

I'll be right back.

- No.

(dragging across dirt)

(screaming)

- [Weldon] I just impaled myself on a knife.

(screaming)

(grunting)

(ominous chase music)

- Oh my god, we are so gonna die.

- Yeah, but I'm gonna die first.

It's always the black guy.

The oppressed always get the short end of the stick.

- Okay wait, hold on.

If we're talking about oppressed,

I'm clearly gonna die first.

- What?

Haven't you heard of the Holocaust?

This guy is clearly anti-Semitic.

- Okay, I get that, but my people were

forced to build a railroad.

- Mine too!

- Yes, ours was above ground.

- Yeah, exactly, and mine was below,

which means I'm gonna get killed first.

- I should be the one who dies first.

- Oh, don't tempt me!

- Okay, I'll kill you both before you die first.

- I am so gonna live.

(screaming)

- Oh, wow.

Look at that.

I guess times are a changin'!