For every avocado...

...you got one green onion...

...one wedge of lime...

...and around 6 hot banana pepper rings.

They come in a jar.

They taste fuckin' delicious.

Salt and pepper.

That's it.

Nothing else. No garlic, NO BULLSHIT!

I'm using 3 avocados...

That's good for two.

That's good for 3.

You can always add more.

Choppity fuckin' chop.

Use a big knife, not a small one.

Throw this shit in the bowl.

That's not very efficient.

Take 3 of these motherfuckers.

Cut the end off.

Slice it down the middle.

Slice.

Slice.

Slice.

And go nice and fine.

Chopping was invented in the forties.

Before that people just smashed shit against the wall.

Throw this shit in the bowl.

This is taking too fucking long.

Put that away.

Pick it up.

Throw it in, wash your fucking hands.

God, don't be gross!

All right!

Take your smaller knife...

...cut your avocados in half.

Boom!

Boom.

Boom!

Get the pits out like this.

But don't cut your hand.

Then they're hard to get off.

You have to bang 'em... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

...against... something.

Fuck!

Great.

Now, here's a trick.

If you wanna just scoop this shit out...

...then turn it into a purée...

It's gross like that.

DON'T cut your fucking fingers!

Then, y'know, you can take a spoon...

...just scoop that shit out.

It'll mash automatically a bit, when you're mixing it.

This is science here!

Ohmygawd!

If you don't like avocado, you're a fuckin' TOOL.

Get that shit in there.

One more.

Don't fuckin' hide!

From me!

Take your lime...

...and put in 3 of this.

Why?

Math, that's why!

Three...

Fuck it! Here... Let me show you some math, k?

You put 1 avocado, you put 1 and 1...

...or...

...doesn't matter.

Lime.

Lime preserves it, right?

Put in enough lime so this will keep over night and won't turn brown.

You should probably practice your grip strength at the gym.

To... give a....

...fuck!

Got a bag of salt here...

...use whatever salt you want, I'm gonna put in...

...hmh...

...I just kinda visualize how many sprinkles I want...

...per cubic centimeter...type deal.

Pepper, pepper, pepper.

If you don't like pepper, you're a fuckin' tool.

Fork!

Let's mix this together!

You can mash it a bit, but you want it to a be a little chunky.

Alternatively...

...if it's too chunky...

...you can kinda grab your knife again and...

...just... chop it up a bit more.

Now I swear to fucking God...

...you bring this to a party...

...this holiday season...

...or any other time of this season...

...or any other season...

...or any other fuckin' planet...

...people's... crotches will explode.

It's so good!

OH MY GAAAAAWD!

♪♫You suck at cooking oh my god♪♫

♪♫you suck♪♫

♫♪you suck♫♪

♪♫you suck♪♫

♫♪you suck♫♪

♪♫you suck♪♫

♪♫oh my god♪♫

♪♫you suck♪♫