No, it's our first time.

And I have a few things to explain to you.

We do small plate family-style tapas here

which means that all of our dishes are just tiny bite-sized amounts of food meant to be shared among 8 people.

So everyone only gets a half bite of the food?

No, someone will always eat more than their share.

Interesting. Now, tell me, are your dishes composed of 5 discrete bites of food,

like 5 scallops in a delicate tower of garnishes for instance?

Yes, always 5 or some other prime number.

Even though they're meant to be shared.

That's right. Although some of our dishes are just large bowls of sauce

which as you can imagine are hard to distribute on those tiny share plates.

So for those you'll just pass them back and forth

or you can awkwardly sit and watch your partner eat while you wait.

Now, how many dished do you recommend for just the two of us?

Oh, it totally depends how hungry you are.

Are you hungry?

Oh, yes, we're at dinner.

I see. Then I'd say 5-18 dishes.

Although this tiny table will only fit 3.

Sounds like a lot.

Oh, actually most of our dishes are quite small.

As you can see the known supper, it's actually just a dewdrop served on an acorn.

Do you have anything a little heartier?

Yes, there is one item on our menu that's fuckin' enormous

but I won't tell you which one that is.

Alright, well, sounds like we have some decisions to make.

Well, before you do, I'd love to test your memory by rattling off the specials.

We have 3 specials tonight, but you're not gonna be able to tell when I'm finished describing the first one and moving on to the second.

We're serving a bruised squid covered in kumquat pollen and Potocki mushroom broth

and ramps and andhovies and halibut in a lemon cream sauce.

Those are the first two. And then we also have a build-your-own dish which is fun at first.

That looks nice. Can I ask how much that is?

You can, but I'm goona think you're a cheapskate if you don't end up ordering it.

Perfect. I think we might need a minute or two before we decide.

Great. Can we start you off with any drinks while you wait?

Yes, what's the bachelor martini?

All of our drink are just classic cocktails with one weird liquor.

Woo... I'll have one of those and then googlebots are on my phone after you leave

so I don't have to admit ignorance.

And I will have the carafe of wine that inexplicably cost the same as a full bottle.

It's an excellent choice. I will be right back with them.

Great. Thank you.

Oh, one last thing, will you bring out our dishes in a completely random order?

Of course. We will serve 4 dishes in rapid succession and then salad at last.

Great. Thank you.

Okay, forward to this....

Hi, it's Mike Trapp from College Humor.

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