Love.

Marriage.

Side chicks.

Skinny people.

Fat people.

Scientists.

Who... who pretend they're doing stuff for the camera.

The world is ready for the next really expensive product.

Hi, my name is Steve Trabajo, founder and CEO of Pineapple.

Pineapple is like Apple,

It's just a, it's a little crappier, or it's a lot, it's a lot crappier you know, thank you very much.

It's a lot crappier, you know? It's

Ooh.

We're very excited to announce our new product that you definitely don't need,

But we're gonna push it anyway,

Because we like money.

Introducing, for the first time ever,

The Pineapple iPhone X.

It's amazing ... it's... it's ... I'm about to blow your mind of how crazy

... great ... it's gonna ... everybody's gonna have good time.

Let's talk about the new features. Thank you very much.

Last one, huh?

Ah ahh

Let's...

[burp]

Let's talk about the new features. Pineapple wireless headphones. Our scientists are working extremely hard

Using state-of-the-art technology to develop wireless headphones.

They're like the Apple wireless headphones,

But, they don't really they don't really work.

Maria.

Apple has Siri. Pineapple has Maria. Maria is like Siri, or she, except

She's a little, she's a little crappier. She's got a little bit more attitude. Whatever you need, Maria will do it.

If she's in the mood.

Hey, Maria.

What do you want, Steve?

Can you give me directions to the nearest Starbucks?

Just look it up on Google.

Are you kidding, like, are you kidding me right now? What do I look like to you?

Relax, calm, calm down, calm down, I'm just asking. I'm asking, can you please help me out?

No way, Jose, you can Google it.

Yo, what's with the attitude, bro?

I don't have attitude... already had coffee today, okay?

That's not true, that's not, that's not at all true, you're making stuff up, oh shut up!

Racist Pineapple music.

Are you ever scrolling through your library...

like, trying to find that perfect song?

Your problems are over.

Introducing our new music detection feature,

Where, as soon as you put the headphones in, it automatically plays the song that's perfect for you based on how you look.

[urban music]

[pop music]

[Latin music]

Some people call it racist. We call it the future. El futuro.

Waterproof case.

We've developed insanely advanced technology to make sure that if you have an accident with liquid and your phone,

Your phone is safe.

Baby.

If you purchase the Pineapple iPhone X right now, we will throw in an external battery for free.

Blood-lock.

Our newest feature makes it very hard for somebody to unlock your phone.

With Blood-lock, you can only unlock your phone using your own blood. All you need is something

Just very sharp, like a knife, like this, and then you just, you know, you cut your...

Okay, then you take your phone, and you, just...

And it unlocks.

I want a safe... I have a vision of making the world a safer place.

I hope you rush to stores immediately to buy the new Pineapple iPhone X, because it is

Definitely a rip-off.

Pineapple.

Think a little crappier.

But it's er, it's cheaper than Apple, but it is definitely a little crappier. I'm not gonna lie.