See? I told you getting here would be a cakewalk!

A cakewalk?

H- How was that a cakewalk?!

We got here in one piece, didn't we?

But the two guys who came with us didn't!

W- We didn't even stop to help!

The point is, WE made it here alive.

It's what they would have wanted.

No, what they wanted was the zombies to stop eating their faces!

Ah geez, you're being such a Debbie Downer.

Y'know, a reaaal Whitney Whiney.

A reaaal Colin Complainalot.

A real *buuurp* little bitch.

Alright, okay, stop crushing my balls

I get it. Lets just get the food supplies we need.

Oh great, the lights aren't working.

Well, the way I see it, you have two choices:

You can go- y-y-y-you know

You can go to the back room and check the circuit breakers

Or you can gouge your eyes out with this rusty screwdriver.

I know which one would be funnier but

Y-y-y-you know, y-y-you- y-you do- you do you.

W- what?! Why is that even an option?!

Because this is a parody of those videogames where you have to make tough choices all the time.

W-w-was that not clear?

You need me to say it again, because I will?

Okay, okay, I got it, alright? I'm not going to gouge my eyes out.

Fine, g-g-g-g-go check the circuits then.

*buuurp* Such a bitch.

Oh good, you found it.

Well yeah, it wasn't hard you know

I-i-i-it's the only interactable thing in this room.

Okay so, y-y-y-you got three choices:

You can turn on the emergency lighting

Turn on the main generator

Or stick your penis in a Scorpion nest.

*pinces menacingly*

What?! W-why are you even giving me that as an option?!

Because we live in a democracy

and every American has the God-given right to stick their penis in a scorpion nest if they want to ya commie.

You know, I- I don't know. I think, you know, what? Do you want to?

*buuurp* Of course not, what- what's wrong with you?

*Turns on lighting menacingly*

YES! I did it! The lights are back on!

Alright, now lets grab the food and ru-

Ohhh shit!

*Slumps and waddles over, menacingly*

AHHHHHHHH!

It's a zombie!

Quick!

Do something!

*Scorpions crunch menacingly*

Well this didn't work.

You're on your own kid.

*Unneccesary and menacing close-up of Rick's crotch*

Ohhhh what do I do what do I do?

Well, the way I see it, you've got two choices:

Number 1

*buuurp* Y-y-you let it e-e-e-e-eat your face

That's not an option!

I think you'll find it is.

Shit! What's the second option?!

Option number 2, you have physical intercourse with the zombie.

What the FUCK is wrong with you?!

Eh, couple y-you know, scorpion stings,

But, it could be worse!

I could be you right now!

Well, can't I just run away?

O-or fight the zombie?

O-or use that rusty screwdriver as a weapon?

Hey, I gave you the chance to have the screwdriver in your eye and you said no.

You made your bed now sleep in it.

That sure was a sticky situation.

But we made it out alive.

I can still feel the maggots.

Hey, at least you can feel yours.

My- my junk is as numb as a brick!

You know, this whole thing was your fault.

All the options you presented were insane and in no way helpful!

You know, y-y-you y-y-y-y-you had the third option of doing nothing.

Doing NOTHING?!

Yeah. We didn't HAVE to turn on the store lights.

We COULD have just used the torches to find the food

and avoid the- the entire traumatic y- experience altogether.

Y'know. Y- you did what you wanted and y'know, live and learn.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH