MR. CROCKER June...

MR. CROCKER Everyone dies eventually.

JUNE Will you and Mom die?

MRS. CROCKER Well, yes, honey, we will,

MRS. CROCKER but that won't be for a long, looooooong-

SANDY Hurry, up June! You don't want to be late for your first day of high school!

JUNE Just a moment, Sandy! Be right there!

JUNE Do you think I should wear my beanie?

SANDY I think it looks swell on you!

JUNE Hmm...

SANDY June, you're over thinking this.

SANDY Instead just think of all those people waiting to be your friends!

JUNE I just hope nobody thinks I'm weird.

SANDY Now why would anyone think that?

JUNE Really?

SANDY Oh, June, don't be such a Worrisome Wendy, it's just school!

LESTER CATFIELD Oh! Morning, June!

DMITRI Good morning, June.

JUNE Morning Mr. Catfield. Morning, Dmitri.

SANDY Everyone here loves you and you want to know why?

SANDY You're the sharpest living person any of us know!

JUNE I'm the only living person you-

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN June! I can't believe you're headed off to school already!

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN And not just any school! The school named after me!

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN General Trulish Gramplin! (Ain't this a fun subtitle?)

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN We must commemorate this moment with a photograph!

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Gather round, everyone! Gather round!

JUNE This really isn't a big deal guys...

LADY PLUME Nonsense. It's like your coming out as a lady.

COLONIAL GHOST Everybody smile.

JUNE Are you guys gonna be okay without me?

*Incoherent ghosts murmuring reassurance*

SANDY Don't worry about us June. Now get out there and make some friends!

*Needlessly intimidating high school chatter*

STUDENT #1 It's that weird over the cemetery...

STUDENT #2 Oh, I've heard about her.

STUDENT #3 She is different and I don't know her. That frightens and upsets me.

JUNE This is going well...

UNSEEN STUDENT Witch!

SANDY Three, four, five. Oh, yay! Free parking!

DMITRI What is point of such game?

SANDY We can try something else.

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Oh, it's no use.

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN What else can we do with it doesn't involve June?

SANDY Oh! I bet June would know!

LESTER CATFIELD Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go ask June!

COACH MCKINNEY All right, you sniveling bagworms, welcome to freshman world history.

COACH MCKINNEY History of the world.

COACH MCKINNEY Karma, shwarma, and the Dali Larma.

COACH MCKINNEY Now, crab daggit, Vince Rasp, what are you doing that piss ant?

VINCE RASP Just showing him where the desk is, sir.

VINCE RASP Is that a crime...?

COACH MCKINNEY Now rip torn it, Vince! Don't gimme none of that back-talking guff!

COACH MCKINNEY We're taking a march to Counselor Stein-Stein's office right now, young man.

COACH MCKINNEY Everybody else, take out your books and... start memorizing flags!

BLONDE GIRL So you're the "Cemetery Girl," huh?

JUNE Oh, um, yeah, I guess, but actually my name is Ju-

BLONDE GIRL You have to forgive everyone for staring.

BLONDE GIRL Nobody's ever seen you before. For the longest time,

BLONDE GIRL people were saying you were some sort of monster made out of deer parts.

BLONDE GIRL Were you homeschool or something?

JUNE Well...

PURITAN GHOST And those godless Iroquois warriors thought their King Philip would protect them!

SKIPPER GHOST With steam you can harness unimaginable power to even travel upriver!

EDMUND And I likes to leave it with some jaggedy edges, see? To really cuts 'em deep!

JUNE Yes...

BLONDE GIRL Well, I only ever went to normal school...

BLONDE GIRL Anyway... I'm Lisa Rose, and these are my besties, Daisy and Violet.

LISA ROSE Anyway... I'm Lisa Rose, and these are my besties, Daisy and Violet.

DAISY We're The Flowers!

SANDY Oh, there she is!

JUNE Huh?

SANDY I found June everyone! And she's already made a few friends.

LESTER CATFIELD A few friends? That's good for business!

LADY PLUME What sort of ghastly things are they wearing?

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN That statue of me out front is spectacular! Could use a spit shine though.

LISA ROSE Is everything okay, Cemetery Girl?

JUNE Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, Lisa, I jus-

LISA ROSE Not, Lisa. Lisa ROSE.

DAISY Yeah. Lisa ROSE.

JUNE Sorry, Lisa Rose.

LISA ROSE It was a simple mistake I'm sure you won't make it again.

LISA ROSE You know. I'm a bit surprised.

LISA ROSE For someone who lives of corpses, you put yourself together pretty well.

LISA ROSE Oh, I especially like your necklace.

JUNE Oh, thanks.

LISA ROSE What do you want for it?

JUNE What?

LISA ROSE Let's see... No... no...

SANDY Oh my goodness, June! Her purse is like a tiny department store!

JUNE Sandy!

LISA ROSE Um, actually it's blonde, but good effort. Here we'll trade for my lip gloss.

LISA ROSE My daddy'll just buy me a new one.

VIOLET I've always wanted that lip gloss.

LISA ROSE Shut up, Violet.

SANDY Ooo, glitter...

JUNE Uh, no thanks, Lisa Rose, you can put that down.

SANDY Oh, sorry.

LISA ROSE I'm sorry. I don't know if I heard you correctly; you're rejecting my gift?

JUNE Well, it's not really a gift if you want-

LISA ROSE What? Is that some sort of overly-sentimental necklace from your dead parents?

JUNE Um, that's an oddly specific description... and... yes.

LISA ROSE Wow, Cemetery Girl, I came to you offering friendship, most would kill for that.

LISA ROSE Don't you want to be popular instead of some sort of weirdo?

DAISY Yeah, weirdo.

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Oh, those are fightin' words! June, get your pistol!

JUNE I don't want to be popular or weird! I just want to be a normal student going to school to learn.

LISA ROSE Well learn this, Cemetery Girl. Turning down this lip gloss was the biggest mistake of your life.

SANDY Well, at least she didn't say she hated your beanie.

UNSEEN STUDENT Witch!

JUNE Well, there go my chances of fitting in... oh don't be such a downer

SANDY Oh, don't be such a Downtrodden Debbie.

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Come on, June, buck up! Weather the storm!

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Welp. Better luck tomorrow.

JUNE I don't want to try again tomorrow, Gramplin.

JUNE This whole day has been horrible.

JUNE Everyone's so judgmental, and it certainly didn't help that you all kept distracting me in class.

JUNE Everyone must have thought I was crazy whenever I tried to say anything to one of you.

LESTER CATFIELD But, June, no one can hear you when you talk to a ghost unless you want them to.

LESTER CATFIELD Oh, wait I got that one backwards again.

JUNE I had one shot at being normal... and I blew it.

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN No. I suppose... WE blew it.

JUNE Let's just go.

MUFFLED VOICE Before you go, can you open this locker?

LOCKER KID Hey, thanks! I would have asked earlier but you sounded busy.

LADY PLUME Oh, what wonderful manners he has.

LOCKER KID Oh, hey, you're June! Man, you were pretty brave in history class.

LOCKER KID Kinda dumb considering that Lisa Rose is the richest girl in Ludburrow County,

LOCKER KID But still... pretty brave.

LOCKER KID I'm Blatsy, by the way!

BLATSY I'm Blatsy, by the way!

JUNE Uh, hey, Blatsy. Look, I was just headed home so I-

BLATSY Home? Oh, wow, me too! We can totally walk together! Come on, June, catch up!

BLATSY Wow, so you really live at a mortuary...

JUNE Yeah... I can't exactly blame people for thinking I'm weird.

BLATSY Well, of course you're weird, but that's what makes you cool.

BLATSY I mean, we're all a little weird; like I have a gland problem!

SANDY And I've been fifteen since 1959!

JUNE So it's normal to be weird then...

BLATSY Yeah, how strange is that right?

BLATSY Well... it was nice talking to you, June. See you tomorrow!

JUNE Blatsy, wait! Would you like to meet my family?

BLATSY Absolutely.

JUNE Everyone! I want you to meet Blatsy! You can reveal yourselves to him. He's a friend.

SANDY Hiya, Blatsy!

LADY PLUME Charmed to meet you.

LESTER CATFIELD Trendy metal teeth you got there!

JUNE Uh... Blatsy?

GARBAGE MAN GHOST Looks like he just saw a ghost!

HILLARY Ha ha! We say that all the time, but somehow it's still hilarious in this instance!

JUNE Blatsy, are you okay?

BLATSY This...

BLATSY is so...

BLATSY cool.

*ghosts cheer*

CLOWN GHOST It's a friendship party!

GENERAL TRULISH GRAMPLIN Let us commemorate this friendship victory with a photograph!

*excited merriment and chatter*

LISA ROSE So... it seems like the Cemetery Girl has made a friend...

LISA ROSE But if she thinks that will help her get through high school...

LISA ROSE Well...

LISA ROSE We'll be sure to be the flowers on her grave.

*Lisa Rose laughing*

VIOLET Can I have my binoculars back?

LISA ROSE Shut up, Violet!