Are you following me?

I was actually just going to ask you the same thing.

Okay. Look, you're hot.

I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in.

So why don't we just skip that.

Why don't you put a baby in me?

- Now. - You know, honestly...

I was thinking dinner first.

But we could try the baby thing, if you want.

You are trying. Way too hard.

Trying's the best part.

- Summer. - Hi.

I was hoping we'd see you here.

I couldn't sleep last night. I am so excited.

Hey, it's your day today, Summer.

- Oh, thank you. - You're welcome.

Hey, fresh face. You here for the qualifiers?

Uh, no, no, I'm not trying out.

I'm actually already on the team.

You're already on this team?

I'm Matt Brody. Ready for duty.

"Ready for duty"? Oh, okay.

Um, you got any papers or anything like that?

I do. There you go.

Oh, it's a permission slip. Literally. "Dear Mitch,

"I am pleased to write you on behalf of Mr. Matt Brody."

- Right. Well, no free passes. - Yeah. Whoa.

At all. Yeah, 'cause I don't give a shit.

I legit needed those for my taxes.

What you need is to understand that if you're going to be on this team,

- you got to earn it. - Really?

Yeah. So, why don't we start this whole thing over,

just like gentlemen?

Where you from, One Direction?

Um... Iowa?

- Iowa? - You heard of it?

Yeah, I know what it is.

- Hey, Steph. - Hey.

New Kids on the Block here is from Iowa.

Oh, man.

And, uh, he says he's already on the team.

- Yeah. - Doesn't have to try out.

- Really? - Yeah, absolutely.

Let me ask you this... A lot of oceans in Iowa?

No, just ponds and lakes and cocky pretty boys, apparently.

Uh-huh. Cocky pretty boys.

Hey, Mitch, what happened to that

last pretty boy recruit we had?

- He died. - R.I.P.

Are you guys being serious right now?

I honestly can't tell.

You show up here, matching bathing suits.

What is this, "lifeguard hazing"?

I'm Matt Brody.

I hold the world record in the 200 meter.

Two gold medals.

- Hey! Matt Brody. - Matt Brody.

Yes, yes.

Absolutely. And we still

- don't give a fuck. - Don't give a fuck.

No, fresh out. Fresh out of fucks. Yeah.

Okay, that ocean out there has riptides

that'll tear your little mangina in two.

My mangina?

So you are being serious.

Dead serious, right now, NSYNC, all right?

This ain't no little fucking pond out of Iowa.

So with all due respect,

you want to be here on this team, on our team,

you're gonna have to earn it.

Look, I get it.

You're big, Sasquatch.

But I'm fast.

Really fucking fast.

Which is why somebody important thinks I belong here.

So when you two figure out who the fuck I am,

you can find me on the beach.

See you.

Did that really just happen?

- It did. He slapped me. - Wow.

Yeah. His hands were soft and supple though,

- like a woman. No offense. - None taken.

You know what, man? I gotta tell you,

I'm feeling really good about this year.

You know what I'm saying?

Good luck out there, man. Good luck.

Thanks.

And if you need some extra motivation...

- Looking at it right there. - Hey...

You okay? Help! C.J., help!

My friend is choking! Help!

No, not C.J. Not C.J. No, no!

Are you okay? You're choking.

Oh, God.

Are you okay?

- Ronnie. - You're gonna be just fine.

What?

Ah! Thank you!

- Ronnie, are you okay? - Oh, yeah.

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah. No, don't touch, don't touch.

Okay.

I'm so good. You did good, good, good work.

Good job. Thank you, you can go now.

Okay, um, drink some water...

- Thank you so much. Okay. - ...I guess.

- Dave? - Yeah.

- How does it look? - How does what look?

Down there.

Does not look good at all.

Yeah, what does it look like?

Looks like your dick is trapped between two slats of wood.

Okay, I just... Fuck, I can't reach it.

I just need you to get down there and just pop it out.

No, I can't do that at all.

Come on, I just need you... You grab that dick

- and you push it out. - No, no.

Okay. Hi.

I'm going to help you.

We're going to deflate the situation together. Okay?

- Okay. - Focus.

Think about things that turn you off.

Maybe like, um... Like your grandma's underwear?

- Mmm-mmm. Not working. - No? Okay, cool.

- Maybe, like... - Ostriches.

- Guys, still stuck. - Mitch, hey, need you.

No, no, not Mitch. Don't bring Mitch over.

- Hey. - Hey, Mitch is here.

Ronnie, you pumped about the qualifiers, buddy?

You know it, man. I'm just, um... I'm really...

Really excited to quit my double major in robotics

and computer science and really, really do something with my life.

You don't need to look down there.

Do not touch me right now.

- Not even touching you. - Okay.

Wow. Okay.

Looks like you got your beef and your biscuits

stuck down there.

It's gonna be okay. I've been through it, too.

- Not a big deal. - Really?

Yeah, absolutely. I was stuck in a woman for hours once.

Couldn't get out.

- Totally the same, yeah? - It's the same thing.

Stuck junk is stuck junk.

Stuck junk is stuck junk. Okay.

All right, buddy, we're gonna have to, uh, flash-freeze your johnson.

No, no, it's okay, it's okay, I got it.

Look, it's okay.

- Oh, my God. - Nope. Still stuck.

I mean, if you think about it, it's a good thing, right?

Congratulations.

Hey, uh, how you feeling, sport?

Better, but could we get

some sort of perimeter going for the crowd?

Nah. Nobody's looking. Just us.

God, you're lying. That's a lot of people.

Mitch, I can't get the swelling to go down.

All right.

We're going to have to pull it out.

- Pull it? - Yeah.

- Just like pulling a tooth. - What?

Don't you touch my dick!

I'm okay.

Ronnie, are you okay?

Yeah, no, I'm good. I'm good.

I'm proud of you, Ronnie.

Fuck you, Dave. You're my worst friend.